Questioning Habits, Life, Hope, and Ego

“I could suddenly grasp that not ever having to think about what to wear was freedom, that a drastic stripping down to essentials in one's dress might also be a drastic enrichment of one's ability to focus on more important things.”

-- Kathleen Norris

How do I stay motivated in the face of setbacks while trying to form a new habit?

Keep your eyes on the prize, and remember, a nun’s “habit” hasn’t changed in years.

What are some lesser-known, but highly effective strategies for achieving success in both personal and professional life?

Making the conscious choice to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. This is true success in life.

Must consciousness be conscious of self as a minimal condition for consciousness?

No. I swear, I meet people every day that have no clue they are conscious, much less of “self.”

How do you handle negative comments or criticism?

If they are constructive and valid, I critique why they were made and consider corrections. Usually, however, they come from the League of the Perpetually Offended, so I just ignore them and move on down the road. Even if they're valid, which they never are, the Perpetually Offended will be offended perpetually, so what’s the point? Life is too short to pay attention to them. 

Is 'attitude' greater or 'gratitude'?

Gratitude is an attitude, so attitude is greater.

“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

-- Dale Carnegie

When did you become the most successful in your life, how did you feel and what step in your life are you happy you took?

I joined the Air Force and made a career in the Intelligence field. I was focused for 23 years, not just on a project.

Can acquired behavioral conditioning be eliminated?

If you acquired it, you can un-acquire it.

Is good luck the lack of negative happenings or exceptionally good things happening?

Either, or. This… because of that. Basically, it means you made the right choices or decisions. Our destiny is what we make it. Good or bad “luck” simply means you tripped into something without realizing you made the right or wrong choice or decision. You turned left when you should have turned right. We call it “luck” when it’s simply a choice we make. 

What was that one moment which made everyone proud of you?

I graduated from high school. No one was more surprised than I was.

How can you stay motivated if you feel you have no time?

If you have “no time” it would seem you are motivated in other aspects of your life. I would look at what’s eating up your time and make some decisions on what you really want. Motivation may have to wait until time presents itself.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

-- Viktor E. Frankl

What habit should one have to live a happy life in 2023?

Any day on this side of the dirt is a happy day! The “habit” you look for is a simple choice. Choose to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. By the way, this works for all the other years to come, as well.

What is a waste of time?

Hitting on a woman that is so far out of my league, if I had serious money she might think, but the answer would still be, “No.” A man needs to know his limitations. 

As long as my mother thinks I owe her everything, I won't get out of her control. How do I provide for myself & become independent when I'm not even allowed to go outside (18)?

Your mother gave you life. You gave her a child for 18 years. You’re even. At 18 years of age, you are considered an adult, no longer under her control. I joined the Air Force. You might think of volunteering 4 years of your life to learn a job and how to be independent, in a job where she has no pull… the military.

How can I find inner peace at work?

Enjoy your work. If you don’t enjoy what you do, then true “inner peace” will elude you.

How much money is enough? At what point does having more money stop bringing happiness and start causing problems in your life?

Money doesn’t bring true happiness into life, it brings temporary happiness until you get bored and finds something that makes you “happy” again. Temporary happiness is not true happiness. Temporary happiness is when money causes more problems than it solves, like debt that you can’t get on top of.

Enough money to survive is enough. Enough money to make you comfortable, without incurring massive debt, is more than enough. Debt is where the problems start occurring, and then start getting worse.

True happiness is a choice we make for our lives. It is when we choose to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of our circumstances. If you can do this, then the money is secondary to your happiness.

Note to my readers:  I used this same answer for "Does money really buy happiness? If so, why or why not?"  Happiness is a personal choice.  As a choice, all you need do is make the choice.  Happiness is not a complicated concept unless you have surrendered your free choice to someone else.  Someone who hurt you, and continues to hurt you, because you allow them to.  Sometimes we become comfortable in our "pit of misery" because, after enough time, this abuse is all we know.  At this point, one needs to seek help in order to escape the ultimate fate the pit holds for those who languish in it.

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

-- Dorothy Parker

What will be the future of AI in daily life?

Assistance before you actually realize you need it. Computers with the ability to “think” ahead.

Does human competition entail the success of a group or a protagonist and the concomitant defeat, demise, or failure of their adversaries?

“Competition” assumes a winner and a loser, but what if both sides reach an amicable compromise? A “win-win” compromise? Then, there is no winner or loser. Two companies can become a “powerhouse” of one, simply by accepting the possibilities of compromise and tamping down on ego.

How will you integrate the disciplinal perspectives of self in your present status as a young adult?

I took the easy route. I joined the military. Intregration was their problem. 

Is hope always needed?

No. It is what it is, anything else is a crapshoot. However, mankind tends to lean on faith. Faith that people know what they're doing. Faith that the rescuers will do their job. Faith that the storm will, sooner or later, end. Our “faith” breeds hope. Hope that we will be rescued before we die. Hope that the storm will end before we lose the house. Hope that, when we die, we will be reborn. Faith gives us hope, and, sometimes, hope is all we have.

What is something you are grateful for in life that you hadn't even thought about until recently?

Longevity. My dad, at 89, outlived his male relatives by twice their age. My mom is now 89. I plan on the ripe old age of 100. We will see.

“It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”

-- David Steindl-Rast

Why do I feel like I will never find my calling?

I thought I’d found my calling in college while excelling in Psychology. Then, the Air Force redefined what I thought psychology was by giving me my assignment to Intelligence. I stayed for 23 years.

What caused your ego to chill out?

My ex-wife.

How can I make sure my long-term saving goals stay on track?

Automatic deposit into high-interest bonds with a penalty for early withdrawal. Donatien Alphonse François was correct when he quipped, “A little pain, a little pleasure.”

What are some goals that everyone should have in their lives? What are the benefits of having these goals?

True happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. The benefit is that it is only a conscious choice you have to make for your life and, as such, it is sustainable until you decide the choice was wrong and you prefer to be miserable. This goal, before all others, makes attaining the others so much easier. Any other choice but happiness is counterproductive. If you fail, life has given you an opportunity to learn. Lucky you! True happiness dictates, it isn’t that you failed, it is what you learn from the failure, to mitigate it from happening again, that moves you forward.

What strategies are effective for setting life goals that keep you motivated over time?

Try to do only that which makes you truly happy. Any other life goal is counterproductive and simply sucks.

“Study the past if you would define the future.”

-- Confucius

What’s more dangerous? Ruthlessness and bloodlust or Intelligence and cunning?

Ruthlessness and bloodlust. Intelligence and cunning require a brain for thought and planning.

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Being retired, I used to have spare time, then I became a “caregiver” for my 89-year-old mother. Now, what little time I have, I donate to answering questions on this site.

What do you think most people regret in life?

Those things, or people, they didn’t do.

Are the choices you're making truly worth the long-term consequences that are certain to come?

The trick is not to make piss-poor choices that have long-term consequences, like a bad marriage. That lousy choice lasted 25 years, but I learned much about happiness and forgiveness at the end of the very long lesson. One mistake in 70 years of life, though? Not bad.

What color can be considered bad luck?

Any “hot” colors, like reds, oranges, and yellows, aren’t soothing. I think they can exacerbate destructive behaviors.

“I have observed that in most of bad luck cases, the word “luck” is equal to ‘’effort’’.”

-- Hassnain Malik

Was it difficult to let go of the things you don't need? Why or why not?

After my divorce, I learned to let go of everything I really didn’t need. If I didn’t need them, why did I have them? It made no sense. It’s been 23 years since the end of my 25-year marriage. Since the divorce, I drive used cars, I save money, I find love, I can afford a good cigar and bourbon, and most importantly, I’ve been exceedingly happy.

If you don’t need it, let it go. Life is too short to collect crap, people, and drama you’re better off without. Make the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. Surround yourself with good people. Your life will appreciate it.

Elbert Hubbard said, "Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive." What are you doing to entertain yourself and others?

Answering questions on this site. Very entertaining, but you really can’t take many of them very seriously.

If someone knows that he should be contented and happy with his life, yet no matter how hard is he trying to do that, deep inside he isn't, should he blame himself for being that?

Yes. It is his life. Who else should he blame for it? It sounds to me like he’s trying way too hard to make a simple choice. He needs to choose to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of his circumstances. Everything else is just crap, lessons that life throws out there for him to deal with. If he hasn’t been dealing with the lessons, they have probably stacked up. Maybe he needs to put more effort into learning the lessons and less time trying to make a simple choice.

What would you like in your life?

For my mother to be at peace at 89, and not feel so lonely. 

Is the need for something a sign of momentary unhappiness?

If you’re truly happy, the “need” for something is a sign of momentary need, a choice. Stay happy always, satisfy this “need” you think you have, make the choice, and get back on track.

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com