The Better Part of Valor

 

"The better part of valour is discretion;

in the which better part I have saved my life."

--Falstaff in Henry IV, Part One, Shakespeare, 1596

The last time I got very close to a sleeping cat, with my face, was back around 1981.  The Siamese cat woke up and grabbed both sides of my head with her claws while growling and trying to make her blue eyes go wider than my hazel ones.  No contest.  Mine were wide in terror and bugging out of my head.  Her entire reaction to me being right in her face may have had something to do with the furry monkey mask I was wearing for a Halloween party that evening.  One might ask, what I asked myself, "What was I thinking?"

I had made a faulty assumption that, with her eyes being slightly opened, she was awake and just "catnapping."  I let out a low growl to elicit some response.  Nothing.  I growled louder.  Still nothing, and, at this point, any intelligent human, a woman perhaps, would have put two and two together, but my male addition kept coming up with eight and a little voice kept trying to tell me a woman would have come up with four and wouldn't be doing this insanity.  

Being a self-proclaimed idiot, I leaned in closer so I could slap my hands down on both sides of the chair cushion she was lying on.  The shock and awe of having an animal go bat-shit-crazy all over your head is a life-changing experience.  My initial fear turned to terror as I felt her hind feet trying to find purchase on my chin.  The furry monkey mask was making that difficult, but not impossible.  Not for a cat.  I realized there were only seconds left before she positioned herself to utilize those flesh shredding hind feet equipped with miniature scythes.  

Thank God, she never got those blades into position.  My manhood collapsed like an old tent - I cried for help, and not manly at all.  My cries for help were akin to screaming like a little girl.  They were answered by my wife who found me kneeling in front of the chair, cat firmly attached to my tender scalp, monkey mask, and face, with eight needle-like claw anchors, as I whimpered "nice kitty," over and over again. 

As a staff sergeant in the United States Air Force, I was a tad embarrassed. As a supervisor in military intelligence... well, it is an oxymoron, after all. As a man, I was mortified.  As a smart-ass, I got what I deserved and learned a valuable lesson - cats can sleep with their eyes slightly opened.  

I was familiar with the old saying, "Let sleeping dogs lie."  I didn't know, until that moment, that the advice extended to cats.  Let sleeping dogs and cats lie.  I also didn't know a cat could hiss that much, or that their pupils could go so black and big as to look satanic.  I am more careful with humor nowadays, and I give cats a bit more respect and a wider berth.  I have also learned to move faster when trouble presents itself, especially when I'm the cause. I usually am the cause, after all, I am my own worst enemy.

This experience taught me the other valid advice, to "let sleeping giants sleep."  If I absolutely have to wake them up, I make sure the possible trouble I'm inviting upon myself is going to be worth it.  A person needs to pick and choose their battles.  It is always better to pick those you have a chance of winning and leave the others to fight when you are better prepared to take the heat and have the time to recover from your wounds.  If you opt to take on every battle that comes your way, you might end up looking like some badly beaten dog pooh when you grow older; a visual testament to your own stupidy. 

As for the unknown, those sleeping, furry, little faces?  Discretion can be the better part of valor.  Make sure you're not alone when you do something stupid around animals with claws and teeth. Don't let the difference in your sizes give you a false sense of superiority, and have a friend standing close by to remove the claws or, better yet, talk you out of folly you're planning to get into.  If you are intent on following through with an experiment to evidence your lack of good sense, a thickly padded monkey mask does offer a bit of protection.  Only a bit. 

“An English traveler relates how he lived upon intimate terms with a tiger; he had reared it and used to play with it, but always kept a loaded pistol on the table.”

-- Stendhal

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com