Questioning Guilt, Control, Love, Help, and Wishes

 

“Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.”

-- Audre Lorde

Why is it that people feel so responsible and guilty for bad things happening in life, and in a world that is out of their hands?

They vote for the person they like, or the person the political party puts their weight behind, instead of voting for the one who they really know can do the job. People are just stupid as bricks and the people trying to destroy our country understand this.

Why is everyone in my college working hard during the holidays instead of relaxing? I don't get it, and I feel guilty for slacking off and relaxing when my peers aren't.

What your peers are doing should be telling you something. Your guilt is well deserved. 

Does age really matter in destiny fulfillment?

Your destiny will be fulfilled, if not in this lifetime, then in the next. Destiny is determined by our choices and decisions, so age has no bearing on it. It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is again.

When do people realize that the thing they bought has no utility use?

I would hope when they use it the first time. Usually when I find out.

Did you ever "help" someone with money because you thought they were struggling, only to find out later that you had less than them?

No. I always know how much I have. If they’re struggling, I know I can help them. If I have less than them, we are both struggling, and I would still try to help. A good personal code of moral ethics demands we do the right thing, regardless of our circumstances. 

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It's more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.”

-- Gretchen Rubin

The world seems out of control. How do I cope, survive, and thrive?

The fact that you think it “seems” out of control is a big part of the problem. What the world “seems” should have very little impact on you taking control of your life. Try focusing on you, not the world. Once you take control of yourself, then you can worry about what the world “seems” to be. Learning how to vote for the right candidate always helps. I recommend looking for one that doesn’t suffer from dementia. Until then, however, I’m sure you will continue to “cope, survive, and thrive.”

What pets enjoy their own company?

Cats, until they want something. 

How might autocrats keep people distracted and locked down in a state of unnecessary panic and unwarranted fear?

Look up into the sky with fear etched on their face, like they want to run People tend to look where others look and mirror their emotions. If you scream and run, they’ll probably scream and run not knowing why. Politicians are masters of this.

What are you selfish about?

Love.  

Do you think that I should confront somebody's prejudice? How can it stop being me feel so depressed about the world and how can I regain hope?

Regain hope by taking action. Confront them. If more people took action more would be accomplished. Do it peacefully. Don’t invade their privacy, march in front of their house, assault them in restaurants, or burn down their cities, as these are the actions we expect of criminal morons.

“Do you know what we call opinion in the absence of evidence? We call it prejudice.”

-- Michael Crichton

How can you push forward through the negative feelings associated with bad times and embrace the golden rule of "first things first"?

We have “negative feelings associated with bad times” because we have made bad choices or decisions that put us where we are. If you embrace first things first, you need to embrace this truth first, before you can move forward with making better choices and decisions.

What wording could a manager substitute for "Share and invite your team to dissect the results they have contributed to"?

Let us critique what we have done. 

What truly inspires more absolute loyalty, love, or fear?

Love. Fear inspires only one thing, other than fear, but, if you love a leader you will be loyal to them unto death. Fear can inspire the “fragging” of the leader over you. What’s “fragging”? If you’re too young to remember, look it up: Fragging - Wikipedia 

Reader comment:  Fragging is popular gaming parlance now. Most kids should get it, but such a great word. Thank you for the answer and your opinion. You make a strong point.

What are some necessary self-control majors that a leader should work on?

Relaxed demeanor, clear and concise communication, understanding, tolerance, and an even hand.

If you had one opportunity to make someone's day, what would you do for that person and why?

I would buy her a small house. She struggles with life, and I do love my dear friend. She lives in an area in the North-West where rent is going through the roof. Somewhere to live would remove all the stress from her during retirement.

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.”

-- Francesca Reigler

How true is it that no follower wishes to be dominated by a leader who lacks self-confidence and courage?

Nobody dreams of following a milquetoast. For one thing, if they lack confidence and courage they are not “dominating” anyone who will make any difference in a conflict.

Is always asking for help considered selfish?

In a way, but more so if your motives are selfish. If you seriously need help, asking for it is a smart thing to do, especially if there’s a problem that will affect other people. Getting a fresh look at something, from someone who might have some experience with it, can prevent you from making the same mistakes they might have made, and can get the project done sooner. Being selfless, however, is when you give credit where credit is due and let folks know that you had some help in the completion of the project.

Who said, “get knocked down 7 times get up 8”?

“Fall seven times and stand up eight” is a Zen proverb.

What likely fate or fate awaits Russia and/or Putin, and why?

If they insist on staying this course, nuclear annihilation. If they launch, it’s all over for them. They can’t even take back Ukraine without totally obliterating it. Who creates a nuclear wasteland so they can dominate it? Even Hitler wasn’t that stupid, and Putin is showing himself to be just another short corporal with delusions of world domination.

Can someone be able to do something if we know that they never will? If yes, how so?

I’ve never met anyone who can really see into the future, so, what someone thinks they know is to be proven. Given enough motivation, people are capable of building great pyramids.

“Never surrender your hopes and dreams to the fateful limitations others have placed on their own lives. The vision of your true destiny does not reside within the blinkered outlook of the naysayers and the doom prophets. Judge not by their words, but accept advice based on the evidence of actual results. Do not be surprised should you find a complete absence of anything mystical or miraculous in the manifested reality of those who are so eager to advise you. Friends and family who suffer the lack of abundance, joy, love, fulfillment, and prosperity in their own lives really have no business imposing their self-limiting beliefs on your reality experience.”

-- Anthon St. Maarten

If a genie in a bottle gave you three wishes, wouldn’t your 3rd wish be for an unlimited amount of wishes to be granted? Why or why not?

The genie is granting you three wishes. You only need one to live life with no worries. The second one should be for long life. The third one should be for the genie for giving you the first two, so, free the genie from the bottle.

Which perspective believes that behavior is learned through rewards and punishments?

Pavlov’s “Classical Conditioning” fits this description.

How helpful or wise is it for an applicant to offer to go to work on probation that is, work for some weeks or months without being paid in order for the employer to assess their working qualities?

Most jobs put you on probation for a period, anyway. I wouldn't work for free, but there is a short time when a lesser salary will be paid until probation is over. Besides the fact that most businesses hire people as “at-will” employment, which amounts to the same thing as probation, since you can be “let go” at the will of the employer, and it lasts for the duration of your employment. 

I'm not wasting all my money on healthy food. I just wanted to be happy again and stop playing sadistic games. What should I do?

You seem to have made your decision to die young, so be happy again and stop playing the sadistic games that might extend your fun.  

Do the means really matter as long as you get the result?

Yes. If the “means” is unethical, you may get the desired result at the cost of your soul. Evil is never a choice. Simply because you have the ability to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it. Doing good usually takes a little longer, so… suck it up. Always strive to do good.

“If I want to deprive you of your watch, I shall certainly have to fight for it; if I want to buy your watch, I shall have to pay for it; and if I want a gift, I shall have to plead for it; and, according to the means I employ, the watch is stolen property, my own property, or a donation. Thus we see three different results from three different means. Will you still say that the means do not matter?”

-- Mahatma Gandhi

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com