Peeling Back the Layers - Who Are You? (Updated from 6/27/13)

“If we’re wrapping ourselves up to conceal any vulnerability, whatever happens to us has to go through all those extra layers. Sometimes love doesn’t even reach where we truly live.”

-- Alexandra Katehakis

 

Before we are born, there is this beautiful piece of property with trees and flowers, and, we hope, maybe some love.  We’ll call this property the “twinkle in someone’s eye” that will soon be you.  You are like a house. 

On this property, they put a foundation to build you on.  Hopefully, that foundation is hard and strong.  Sometimes it’s based on faith, other times it‘s based on love, yet other times on money.  Occasionally it can be any combination, but, hopefully, it is strong.  After you are conceived the contractors go to work building the shell of the building that will house your "self."  As your gender takes shape, the architectural style begins to coalesce as well.

When you are born and utter that first sound, the door to the house is thrown wide open in welcome to your new world.  From that point on, everything that happens in your life becomes a room, or furniture, or a window.  You begin to collect the future heirlooms and garage sale items of your life.  Your attitudes and emotions become the plaster, paint, and light fixtures.

If we are happy and well adjusted, the rooms are bright and colorful, neat and clean.  Other times, the rooms can be cluttered and drab.  If not cleaned up it can become a dark, scary mess, frightening not only ourselves but those around us.  If we continue to keep the house this way, the shell will begin to suffer and the foundation may crack.  The property value will drop. 

Admitting there's a problem is the first step to fixing the “house”, who you are, and determining the problem is the next.  Cleaning up the mess is usually a good place to start.  Make it neat and orderly again.  Most people would advise a new coat of paint; better emotions equal better attitudes.  Really?  So, we’re just going to color over the issue?  Tear down one bad wall and throw up another?  Or can we admit that maybe it’s more than just the paint, more than just "skin deep"?

I believe everyone should clean the house occasionally, top to bottom.  Throw out the crap we don’t use anymore, clean up the stuff we do, and put everything where it belongs.  If the paint is wrong, peel back the layers until you get to the plaster and see if it has been damaged.  If it has, fixing it may not require removing a perfectly good wall, if clean, new plaster will suffice.  But, if the wall is bad, if it was thrown up in haste as protection, it may need to come down.  The only way to determine this is to peel back the paint, then the plaster, and look deeper to see if the integrity of the brick, the stick, or the foundation, has been corrupted.

So it is with personal walls.  Some are there to partition off rooms we invite people to come and see, others are there to protect what we think is valuable, and yet others are for protection.  What we think is valuable and what we think needs protecting are the rooms in our minds that we need to constantly monitor and keep clean or they will overtake us and become unmanageable.  How we paint ourselves, and how we appear to other people, should reflect who we truly are, and not be the camouflage that may trick, hurt, or confuse those around us. 

Everyone should occasionally review how we look, and how we come off to those around us.  Are we being honest, straightforward, and open, or are putting up the wrong kind of walls and covering our feelings so those around us think everything is fine.

Peel back the layers of your paint, open up your doors and curtains, let in some light to those dark areas, and ask yourself, “Who am I?”  Every morning when you get up try leaning toward the mirror and asking this question to yourself.  And, then, ask if you’re happy with who you are or what you've done.  If your answer is not what you’d like, make a commitment to change something to make it better, or to say or do something to make someone else feel better.  What do you have to lose?  You may find something out about yourself you didn't know.

We should strive to present a constant “open house” to the world, clean and neat, with lots of refreshments and finger foods at hand.  I find that visitors to my “house” force me to take constant stock of why I am, who I am, and how I feel.  They make me want to be the consummate host. 

These visitors also help keep my doors open by providing me that which I require most…friendship, happiness, peace, and fulfillment. 

Who am I? Well, I've got that covered.  The real question is, who are you?

“She did not know yet how sometimes people keep parts of themselves hidden and secret, sometimes wicked and unkind parts, but often brave or wild or colorful parts, cunning or powerful or even marvelous, beautiful parts, just locked up away at the bottom of their hearts. They do this because they are afraid of the world and of being stared at, or relied upon to do feats of bravery or boldness. And all of those brave and wild and cunning and marvelous and beautiful parts they hid away and left in the dark to grow strange mushrooms—and yes, sometimes those wicked and unkind parts, too—end up in their shadow.”

-- Catherynne M. Valente

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com