Questioning Clarity, Suicide, Forgiveness, and Motivation

 

Photo by Scott Rodgerson 

“A lot of you cared, just not enough.”

-- Jay Asher

 

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A note to my readers: I'm continuing to update the statistics for those who'd like to follow with me and we'll see where it levels off, which it doesn't seem willing to do.

The following was touted by the site I answer questions on as being "featured" in over 100,000 individual reader digests (as of the previous report it was shared in only 10,000 digests). The answer was posted on March 30, 2022, and, to date, has been viewed by over 314,700 people and upvoted 4,045 times, and counting. I assume because it was "featured" this is a big deal, whatever "featured" means. I will contine to share it weekly, for those who haven't read it:

Did you ever get a request for a favor from a neighbor who never showed any respect or interest in you or your family? What did you do? 

The guy next door. He asked if he could cut down a rotting tree the raccoons use. Wanted to bill me $2000 for a $500 job. I told him not to touch it. He cut it down anyway, when I wasn’t around, then billed me $2000. My legal team, lawyers from Louisiana and Mississippi, both advised me to tell him to go f*** himself. You have to love Southern lawyers. I cleaned the language up and sent him a form letter concerning trespass, ignorance, and the fact that he wouldn’t be getting any money out of me. (Last lines have been updated) We don't talk, not because I'm not willing, but because he seems to think he's all that. He flies a Marine Corps flag. So far, I'm not impressed.

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Did your loved one gain the last moment of clarity before they passed away?

I certainly hope so. My dad passed after his fourth stroke. He had become selfish and argumentative, not that he wasn’t always so, but he was seriously more so. I tried to let it go, knowing about the strokes messing up his mind. I still loved him, but the man who passed was not the man I remembered. I hope he got clarity before he passed, or, at least, after he got where he was going.

Have you ever had a friend who (on some level) never seemed to realize that you're different than them?

All the time. I was what most people, nowadays, called privileged. But, my parents made me work for everything I had, and mom, being brought up poor in Mississippi, taught me the value, not only humility but also, of treating everyone with respect.

Most of my friends never seemed to realize I was different than them because I tried not to be. I was never a braggart, I never lorded things over friends, and I never accentuated any differences between us.

When was the first time you realized that you were hurting your children or kid and how did you approach to apologize?

Anytime I lost my temper with my children, especially my son, I would go back and sit with them and try to explain why I lost my temper. I wasn’t so much angry at them as I was frustrated with them. I finally told my son, over a bad report card when he was a sophomore in High school if he wanted to sweep streets for the rest of his life, be the best street sweeper he could be. I would always love him. He finished high school with better grades and college with three years on the Dean’s List.

Honesty about my anger? Honesty about his future? Honesty about a father’s love? I don’t know what got through to him, and I don’t really care. He works for a telecommunication company making six figures. I am very proud, but, I never stopped loving him.

What are some of the underlying reasons for information-seeking behavior? How would you define curiosity?

With almost 23 years of military intelligence under my belt, I can say there are many underlying reasons for “information-seeking” behavior. It all boils down to the subject of the second question - curiosity. We want to find out information we don’t know or validate the information we think we know.Our reason for curiosity was to keep the country secure.

Do you think God will forgive the devil if he asks?

Forgiveness, probably. But, forgetting is a harder nut to crack.

“The devil is a created being. He is therefore not self-existent nor eternal, but limited and finite.”

-- E.M. Bounds

What do I do when I have so many problems and I’m close to suicide and have nowhere to go or no one to talk to?

Take a breath. Failure and mistakes cause problems because we have not made the right choices or decisions concerning them. Life is a living classroom. Everyone needs to understand that failures and mistakes are simply opportunities that life throws at us so we can learn the lessons needed to move forward. Frustration, anger, or depression concerning the lessons doesn’t help us learn.

Make a list of all the problems you think have. Scratch out all of the “elephant shit” that is drama you are better off without. Lack of support? Scratch it out, as this is your life, not someone else’s. Past history? Remember what happened, learn from your mistakes, and scratch it out. It is in the past. Good to remember, but not to dwell on. Bad friends? Dump them. Bad family? Dump them, as well. If family isn’t helping, they’re hindering. Go through the list and prioritize everything, then scratch out all the bullshit cluttering up your life. What is left is what you need to work on.

For each item left, ask yourself “why” it is on the list? If it concerns someone else, scratch it off. they aren’t worth your life. You will find the “why” for most of the items that are left, are due to choices and decisions you made. Now you can get to work making them right. It isn’t going to be easy, learning never is, but compare the original list with what you have left. You might find it is easier than it was, and you will get through this, just like the majority of us do. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Every day on this side of the dirt is a good day and offers us another chance to excel in life.

If you found Alladin and said you any 3 wishes to be granted what will you say for? Please answer it seriously.

Wishes are nothing more than a form of greed. Any time we base what we want on greed, it rarely works out. So, world peace, and the like will end up working out worse than it is. If I wish for a woman to love me, what of the man she really loves? I can’t answer this seriously, because I find the repercussions of the choices to be serious enough not to consider them.

Do you read poetry every day?

“You say my love is like chalk,

That I write it on and erase it whenever I want.

Well, you’re wrong.

I use crayons.”

I used to write poetry every day, especially when I was in the military, overseas, and unaccompanied. I have let that enjoyment lapse, and I have recently thought about returning to it. I attended a local Historical Society lecture by a Ph.D. who talked about Mississippi poets. Quite interesting, and got me thinking, again. 

It is inevitable that we will injure someone or injure someone else at some point in our lives. How do you assess your ability to forgive yourself and others?

Whether or not we realize we’re the impetus for the injury, this seems almost certain. We make splashes in the human pond all the time, and those ripples cause damage.

We purchase the last ticket for a show, and the poor sap behind us has no “last minute” for his wife’s birthday, and his mind isn’t on his driving because of it. He runs a red light and kills himself and three other people. If we hadn’t bought the ticket… Okay, that’s a bit out there, and there will be those who think the entire fault for the accident is his, but, what if he had bought the ticket?

Every time we move, we make a ripple. Every act we make, every choice or decision, has some effect on one or many more people. If we’re aware of our actions causing harm, we can try to make it right. If we aren’t aware, then what?

I forgive myself constantly for harm I may do, during my day, without realizing it. You ask blessings for all those you’ve come into contact with, in some manner, hoping that bad karma will steer away from them. This is all we can do for things we are not aware of. 

While forgiving, should one also forget?

If you forgive and forget, you open yourself up to be abused again.

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Excessive fear for worry of failure in the future, what should I do?

Understand failure. Life is nothing more than a classroom, and failure is simply life presenting an opportunity for us to learn from what we’ve done. Critique the failure, when it occurs. Ask “why” it happened, correct your choice or decision, and try again, and again, if necessary. If you can’t keep trying, learn from the mistake, anyway. Ask someone who is “in the know” why you failed, and pay attention so you can mitigate the issue if it crops up again.

There was an old story of an industrialist who was asked why he didn’t fire an employee that cost him $500,000 dollars. His answer was that it was a lesson the employee learned. He couldn’t afford to put a new employee in the position and risk it happening again.

Smart man. 

Which is correct when asking a sensitive question, "If you don't mind me asking" or "if you don’t mind answering"?

If you’re “asking” a sensitive question, then you aren’t “answering” it. The question answers itself. 

What are some tips for how to let go of the past and moving on easily from situations?

If you are trying to “let go of the past” there must be something there that is left undone. Ask yourself “why” you can’t let go.

If it’s something you have no control over, then worrying about it is unproductive and accomplishes nothing. What’s done is done, so get over it. If it is something you do have control over, then, control it. The “why” is usually something you have done, if you’ve been honest in your introspection. If it is a bad coice or decision, learn from it, correct it, if possible. Apologize for it if necessary. Do what need to be done to put it behind you so you can move on.

Asking “why” is a way to confront the issues. You will probably learn most of the issues you have brought unto yourself, and your choices and decisions will be so much better from this point forward. Do not be afraid to admit you made a mistake of failed, as it is the best way we learn. Critique why you failed, learn from what you did, do it again until you attain the right outcome, and move forward. Life is really that simple. We tend to make it harder for ourselves. 

What can I do more to try to have a second chance for us?

You need to direct this question to the other half of “us” to get the right answer.

What can best describe money when dealing with you?

Contracts. If you’re going to deal money with me, whether a stranger, friend or family member, be ready to sign a contract. There is no such thing as a free lunch. People I have done this with have started writing contracts, themselves, for money loaned to friends and family. If you don’t separate business from family it tends to muddy the water. The signing of a contract is a way of clarifying their responsibilities to pay you back, especially if you require collateral important to them, like pink slips, coin or stamp collections, and the like.

“Be sure to understand the terms of any contract, before you sign.”

-- Lailah Gifty Akita

Do you value promotions more than getting a new job?

I value the promotion if I’ve earned it. If you keep working hard and are very good at what you do, it is hard to see slackers getting the promotions. Good managers know who does the quality work. I would advise upper management of my concerns and go looking for more appreciative employers.

Were you ever forced to go to therapy because of something that was done to you?

Yes! My ex-wife lied on me to the sheriff’s office. I was arrested because she said I threatened to kill her. I knew she would probably keep the lies flowing so I enrolled myself in anger management. After the first week of a six-week tour, the psychologist said I hadn’t done anything any man would have done, under similar circumstances. With five weeks of counseling left, he recommended we work on my PTSD, which I had no idea I was suffering from. You learn something every decade.

Why would an atheist reply to Bible questions?

Fishing for an argument comes to mind. The League of the Perpetually Offended does this “fishing trip” often. 

Would you milk a bull for 300 cash in hand?

Uh, the “bull” might enjoy that. The only risk here, if your wrist is up to the challenge, is the bull trying to mount you. But, no, $300 is not enough to cover the possible medical bills or the embarrassment of trying to explain why the bull tried to mount you. 

Is it okay to love my cat as much as a human being?

Sometimes, more. We can risk becoming subservient to the furbabies. Of course, for some, we risk becoming subservient to dominating humans, as well.

“Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.”

-- Christopher Hitchens

What is the best response when receiving a pay raise?

Thank you.

What is the greatest gift you ever gifted yourself after accomplishing a certain task?

I bought myself something both times I retired. The last time, I bought a medallion from a company in Spain. They make a finite amount of them each year. They are numbered, and, if you’re lucky enough to buy one, you are in an exclusive circle. A well-known jeweler, in Washington state, had to send to New York for one so I could just look at it.

How do you tell someone you're not in the mood to talk?

“I’m not in the mood to talk.” Short, honest, and to the point. 

How do I regain all motivation after the death of my mother 6 months ago? My self-employed business is suffering as a result of this lack of motivation.

Your motivation is your self-employed business is suffering. Is your lack of motivation going to bring her back? Probably not. Would she be angry at you for letting the business suffer? Probably so. How about you make her proud of you and find the motivation. It sounds to me like she is probably it.

How do I make 50 dollars a day by doing 1 hour of work daily?

Pucker up, buttercup. The “oldest profession” awaits.

"You can call me mercenary, or call me madam, but, as I always tell my customers - just call me anytime!"

-- Xaviera Hollander

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com