When Enough Is Enough (Updated from 12/22/2014)

 

jackass
Noun (plural jackasses)
1.  A male donkey.
2.  A foolish or stupid person.
3. An inappropriately rude or obnoxious person.

When do you determine that your conversation has turned into a "braying contest with a jackass," and you would be well-served to step aside?  This was a question put to me recently, my own fault really, as I use the adage, occasionally, in my posts. I first heard it from an uncle in Mississippi that said a close member of his family use to say, "Never get into a braying contest with a jackass."  I have found there to be much truth behind it.  Yes, much truth.

Now, one's first thought might be, that it would be easy to take down a jackass in a discussion. And, that would seem reasonable if jackasses weren't stubborn as all get out. More likely, what will happen, is everybody else will only see two jackasses trying to "outbray" each other. "Hee-haw!"

For me, stepping aside is a difficult concept.

As a small kid, my entire young life was spent being bullied. In high school, I decided running from bullies was not a sustainable option, and turning to fight was going to be a one-way ass whipping. Mom had already determined my smart mouth would someday be my downfall, so I opted to turn the tables on the bullies. I actively sought out bullies, picking on the weak, and put my mouth into overtime taunting them and ridiculing them for being less than men for doing what they do. This was particularly effective when their girlfriends were around. Of course, Mom was right; I got the inevitable ass whippings until I found I could run faster than the large moron chasing me.  I hate being right all the time... running was, also, not a sustainable option.

I finally just told them, that if they wanted to hit someone smaller than they were, start with me, and let's see how big of a man your friends really think you are.  It only took half an ass whipping for them to figure out I was gaming them and, in my own masochistic way, I was winning.  They would walk away, less of a man for their effort, and I would eventually get up off the ground to lick my wounds and consider less painful routes of confrontation.

At seventy years of age, I'm tired of the confrontation and tired of getting into the braying contests. I am content to state my thought and intelligently discuss it, but I'm too tired to argue with foolish, stupid, people. I guess I've finally grown up. But, when do you determine your conversation has gone south, and might turn into a braying contest?

Jackasses are inappropriately rude and obnoxious. It is one thing to state a negative comment in general terms. "Most young people are ignorant," is significantly different than, "You are ignorant." "Democrat leadership tends to foster socialist philosophy," is much different that "You're a democrat, therefore you're a socialist." Not all Democrats are socialists, not all Republicans are capitalist warmongers, and not all young people are ignorant. I have learned that people tend to speak in general terms without thinking. I do this quite often. I will discuss democrats, for instance, in the context of the leadership, not the constituents. After my career in Intelligence, I make an assumption that those I'm speaking with understand the context of what I say. This is my mistake. You should always consider your audience and never assume they understand anything. Even a PhD can miss the forest for the trees. Intelligence, a high IQ, is no guarantee they have the sense God gave a goat.

Watch for the conversation to turn inappropriately confrontational, or threatening. I have found that more times than not, long-winded responses can be your first clue. A concise, constructive comment, that is well thought out, takes a few lines to state. An angry, offended person starts off by calling you a name or demeaning your ancestry, or your mother, before launching into a tirade not worth listening to. This usually comes from the League of the Perpetually Offended. I figure that if it isn't worth listening to, it isn't worthy of a response. I have found that the best response to a jackass is to ignore them. Eventually, they will fade away.

Sometimes, people are better left in God's hands, than in yours, or their own. Discretion is, oftentimes, the better part of valor. Walk away for another day, especially if you're discussing faith, beliefs, God, religion, or politics. Wish your opponents your best, thank them for their comments, bless them, and do not respond further. The latter is the toughest to do. You will know you were right, in stepping aside, when the other party tries to bait you back in with another confrontational, rude, or obnoxious comment. I find it is best just to delete them from memory and walk away. If everyone were to practice this, sooner or later, assuming a modicum of intelligence, the jackasses might just get the hint that they are a fighting force of one, and losing.

"Is it possible, gossip, that it was not my ass that brayed?' 'No, it was I,' said the other. 'Well then, I can tell you, gossip,' said the ass's owner, 'that between you and an ass there is not an atom of difference as far as braying goes, for I never in all my life saw or heard anything more natural."

-- Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com