Questioning Uncommon Sense, Guilt, and Virginity

“For women especially, virginity has become the easy answer- the morality quick fix. You can be vapid, stupid, and unethical, but so long as you've never had sex, you're a "good" (i.e. "moral) girl and therefore worthy of praise.”

-- Jessica Valenti

How far is too far to walk to work on a daily basis?

I’d say it depends on if you like to walk, and your desire to have a job that may be some distance from your residence. It can be longer for some and shorter for others.

What can you do when you know what you want or have to do in life, to move towards better or start a new beginning, but something always blocks you from taking an action towards your goals and plans? Any advice to help get unstuck and end this stagnant cycle?

The obvious answer is to get rid of the blockage. “You know what you want or have to do" so making the choice to do it is the first step, and removing obstacles is the next. If you can’t remove the obstacles, go around them, but don’t let anything prevent you from “taking an action” toward moving forward, as long as it is legal and within the “rules” of the game. Sometimes, though, you’ll find that you really can’t fight city hall.

What do you do when you are lazy but you have limited time to achieve your goals?

I make myself un-lazy in order to achieve my goals. In the military, time constraints and goals were great motivators. I have not lost that motivation.

“We often miss opportunity because it's dressed in overalls and looks like work”

-- Thomas A. Edison

How long are you going to wait to do that thing you keep putting off?

Until the ground finally dries up. It rained all winter, and I’m not pouring concrete until the post holes are bone dry.

Why do schools make us afraid to make a mistake?

Mistake and failure is the best way we learn. Teachers tend to forget this. What we should be learning is how to take apart the mistake or failure to find out why we were wrong so we can move forward. Our fear should be in making the same mistake twice. This would evidence a lack of learning, God forbid, a failure on the teacher’s part.

What do I do? I’m so frustrated.

So, it would really help to know why you’re so frustrated.

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.”

-- Kurt Vonnegut

 How do you take advantage of teachable moments?

Learn from them and then pass them on to others

Why do some say that common sense is quite uncommon?

Well, because “good” sense isn't that common, and more than “some” say it. This isn’t that difficult to understand if we look at society as a whole. Parents are being called “domestic Terrorists” simply because they want a say in their child’s education. We have mandates on citizens due to COVID, yet we open the southern border and let thousands invade our country, rife with COVID, drugs, and, for many, an intent to do criminal hard to our way of life. And, the current administration? Incompetence is self-explanatory. This is just the people in charge and we, for the most part, put them there. No, we evidence daily that good “common sense” is so not that common. We all fall down on exercising “good common sense” daily, but God forbid we admit it.

How do I not be hypocritical?

Don’t say one thing and then do another, like some politicians.

“We are all hypocrites. We cannot see ourselves or judge ourselves the way we see and judge others.”

-- José Emilio Pacheco

How can I apply kindness in my everyday activity?

Be selfless, helpful, thoughtful, giving, courteous, etc., etc., etc. You know, just be kind, but be kind always. Pretty soon it just becomes a habit. 

What would be your recommendation and why? Canada or UK.

Canada. During the lousy winters, I can drive to Mississippi.

Should you feel guilty if you realize you made a mistake in hindsight?

Mistakes are life failure, simply another opportunity to learn. If you’ve made a mistake, look at what you did, understand why you did it, determine how you might have mitigated the mistake, and you can try to correct it, if possible. Damage control never hurts, especially when others are involved and affected by the mistake. Better to try and make things better than to wallow in guilt over something you might not have intended.  If any of this fails, just move on down the raod and forget it.

“Hindsight, I think, is a useless tool. We, each of us, are at a place in our lives because of innumerable circumstances, and we, each of us, have a responsibility (if we do not like where we are) to move along life's road, to find a better path if this one does not suit, or to walk happily along this one if it is indeed our life's way. Changing even the bad things that have gone before would fundamentally change who we are, and whether or not that would be a good thing, I believe, it is impossible to predict. 

So I take my past experiences... and try to regret nothing.”

-- R.A. Salvatore

When was a time you followed your intuition and ended up being right?

When I was in military intelligence, intuition would play a big part when facts and evidence were lacking, or when another agency gave an opinion that ran contrary to what you thought was reality. There was another intelligence agency I thought really didn’t like me very much, as I kept pointing out analyst errors. People don’t like being told they're wrong. They never called back to confirm or deny, but the information would change in short order.

What place gives you such a sense of peace and tranquility, almost like you feel it in your heart, and why do you suppose that is?

Any backwoods area with a stream running through it. It is peaceful. Nature at its best.

Is including someone in an activity always the right thing to do?

It’s always the right thing to do, but should you do it? If it’s programmed to be a “fun” activity and the person seriously rubs the majority the wrong way, I’d be hesitant to invite them along. The downside of this decision is honesty. If they ask you why you didn’t include them, you’ll also have to be blatantly honest with them about their negative personality traits. This might make them think about how they act.

“Nothing is stranger or more ticklish than a relationship between people who know each other only by sight, who meet and observe each other daily - no hourly - and are nevertheless compelled to keep up the pose of an indifferent stranger, neither greeting nor addressing each other, whether out of etiquette or their own whim.”

-- Thomas Mann

My 15-year-old daughter told me that she lost her virginity to herself. What should I do?

Tell her to go find it. Kidding. What should you do? It could be worse. She could have lost it to someone else. But, it sounds like she was a bit too energetic in discovering “fun” stuff. Personally, as a grandfather, I’d smile and tell her to go find it. Her response might be worth it. But, then, I’m a grandfather.

What should I do if guys don’t flirt with me?

Flirt with them.

What do you call a person who is constantly moving from one place to another?

A rolling stone, antsy, restless, a wanderer, or a soldier.

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

What's your best advice for highly intelligent people?

Get over yourself.

Can walking help if you’re feeling down or depressed?

As long as you’re not walking to a gun shop, yes. Walking gives you some “me” time to calm down and think about things. I do it all the time and usually find out I have nothing to feel down or depressed about. It’s usually my choice or decision that caused it in the first place.

When did you stop telling people your life goals or personal projects you were working towards?

When I had attained them.

“The significance of man is not in what he attains but in what he longs to attain.”

-- Kahlil Gibran

Can you tell if someone has achieved full maturity just by looking at him/her?

No. One glance tells you very little. The moment you consider this is when they go off the rails and so something totally immature. Better to watch them for a bit.

I have recently joined a sports team because I was going through a heartbreak and I was trying to find something that would bring me an enjoyable life. I am simply not enjoying playing for the team. Should I leave?

If you don’t enjoy it, yes. How about finding new love, and trying to move on?

What would you do if an older relative raises hands on you because you said something different than what they believe or whatever? I'm 18.

Age doesn’t validate them knowing diddley. Ask them why they think you’re wrong.

“Accusation reveals the character of the accuser more than the accused”

-- Bangambiki Habyariman

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com