Questioning Responsibility, Happiness, Love, and Attitudes

 

“You hear that, boys? No one is responsible for your actions but you. Do you want to be someone’s morning-after regret? Because if so, you’re a terrible person, and you deserve to go to jail. If not, spare some thought to the consequences before you decide to pick up that drunk chick at the bar.”

-- K.B. Rainwater

(Much less, four of them. Ouch!) 

How can I stop being responsible for everyone else's happiness instead of mine?

I went through this after my divorce. I realized I’d spent 25 years of my life feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness and, in the end, I was the one left wanting. I am so not responsible for everyone’s happiness. I take care of myself first, and then I look out for others.

Airline safety briefing states it best: Put on your oxygen mask first, before assisting the passenger next to you. Why? Because, by doing this, at least one you might survive.

Strive to be happy always and in all things, and then bring others with you on the journey.

Does opportunity truly come but once? Or is the statement meant to just keep folks on their toes?

When one door closes, another opens. Opportunity is all around us, all we have to do is pay attention. It usually shows up in the guise of failure, which gives us an opportunity to learn.

What makes you happy easily?

The innocence of small children. I love the look of wonder they get in their eyes when they see something that fascinates them.

Now, a bonus answer: What makes me sad easily? As a grandfather, I have to stand against the murder of this innocence in the guise of abortion. It saddens my heart when children are sentenced to death for no good reason other than the mother doesn’t want the child. How sad for the world when mothers are allowed, by law, to kill their own children, instead of keeping their knees together or simply taking a pill. 

The safety of the mother is the only reason I can see as an excuse for abortion.  The "morning-after pill" should be made available at no cost.  Just saying.

“Happiness is a warm puppy.”

-- Charles M. Schulz

How do you know who is really on your side in life?

Me. I’m on my side in life. I can count on me always. I don’t put my life in the hands of others. I don’t let others make my choices or decisions. This is my life, and only I control it.

Diabetes has taken my life away from me. I will never find love and never progress. What do I do?

Why do you have diabetes? What caused it?  

What do you do if your girlfriend doesn't know if she is in love with you?

How do you know she doesn’t know? If she’s said she doesn’t know, then you can probably bank that she doesn’t love you. If she doesn’t love you, why is she your girlfriend, unless she’s your friend and happens to be a girl.

“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”

-- Federico García Lorca

I am with someone I love, and we are happy, but I know if they were to leave I'd end my own life. What should I do? I don't think it's a good idea to tell them. Is it?

No, and you won’t end your life, anyway. I felt this way when my 25-year marriage ended. If they leave, they don’t care, and if they don’t care what does killing yourself tell the world? You’re weak-minded? You can’t handle life?

I was ready, on the verge, and I wondered why I was willing to give her the satisfaction when she’d already taken everything else, including my children. No. You will remember the good times with her, the love, and you will move on. Failure, even in love, is simply an opportunity to learn why we failed. It hurts, but it will pass with the living of life.

And, you are worrying about something that hasn’t even happened, and may not. This amounts to unnecessary stress. What will be, will be. If you want to keep her happy, let this go and put your energy into striving to be happy always and in all things.

My wife keeps begging me to help raise our children despite me telling her I am a Pisces and therefore it's not in my character. She just won't stop. What should I do?

Stop using bullshit excuses for not being a father before you find yourself no longer a husband, either. You fathered the children, now be a man and accept the responsibility that comes with that and help raise them.

What are the consequences of an unhealthy balance between self-love and maintaining loving relationships?

You probably will find your “loving relationships” suffer from not enough attention.

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”

-- Rupi Kaur

How can I be mindful and have a high work ethic (all at the same time)?

Include the priority of “high work ethic” in your mindfulness. Be aware of the excellence you desire in your work. It is just one more thing to be aware of.

What are the benefits of the principles of delayed gratification?

There is no benefit in delaying gratification. Oh, my God! The very thought makes my knees buckle.

What is the biggest regret in your life up to this point?

My marriage was rife with “delayed gratification” before it ended. Maybe that, and the marriage, certainly.

“If I'm sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow?”

-- José Saramago

What is one thing you’d change about every person in your family?

Not a thing. My family is fine.

Which countries can I visit that will fulfill my soul?

Turkey and Sicily. Fulfill your soul with anything they serve on the menu. I recommend goat and chicken in Turkey and pasta and seafood in Sicily.

What is the unexpected benefit of removing shameful activities from one’s life?

You don’t have to keep them secret. Although, some shameful activities can be more exciting because of the secrecy. Not that I know anything about those activities.

“We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.”

-- Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Do some guys refuse to be with you because they are afraid they are going to lose you because of a bad past of them being left alone?

Unless it concerns a one-nighter of raucous exotic sex, yes.

I got drunk and made a mistake, and now I regret what I did. Can anything be resolved or is it too late?

There’s no context here. What did you do? It does have bearing on what you do now.

Why do people want me to care when I don't care at all?

Selfishness, on both parties, you and them. They want you to care, though I don’t see why they’d expect it, and you so don’t care at all which bodes the next question. Why do they hang with you in the first place?

“Often people that say they “don’t care” actually do. The moment they discuss you with their friends and family, compete with you, bad mouth you to others, or react to anything you do or say is when they give themselves away. You can either be saddened or flattered that you affected someone so much. The perspective is yours to determine.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

Is it possible for something to be perfectly still?

Nothing is perfect, not even a vacuum. Is it “still” in relation to space or time? No, because it is moving through both.

What is a sanctimonious attitude?

Holier than thou.

How can one move on from bad situations?

If it’s that bad, just don’t move on, RUN! Bad situations aren’t good for anyone and you shouldn’t get in them, much less stay in them. Make the conscious decision to move on and do it.

“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”

-- Joel Osteen

Would you rather be strong, smart, rich, or famous?

Smart. Strong gets me nowhere. Rich, I’m happy already so the money buys me nothing I need. Famous is so overrated. Smart. Smart I can do something with. Oh, I already am, in my own humble way.

How do I test the level of my negotiation skills?

Do you win? If not, they suck. Test over.

Are we all slaves to the bankers?

Do you have a credit card with a balance owed? Do you have debt on a car or a house? Have you taken out a loan or are making payments for something? If so, then yes, you are an “indentured servant” working off your debt which, if they have anything to say about it, will never be paid off. It isn’t what’s in your wallet, as much as who is in your wallet.  Not all of us belong to someone, by the way.  Some of us have managed to stay out of debt.

“Abbot E. Smith, an authority on the subject, estimates that 'not less than a half, nor more than two-thirds, of all white immigrants to the colonies, were indentured servants or redemptioners or convicts,' and that, beginning in 1728, 'by far the greatest number of servants and redemptioners' came from Ireland. It would seem, therefore, that more than one hundred thousand Scotch-Irish came to America as indentured servants.”

-- James G. Leyburn

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com