Can't Give Enough Long and Short Answers

 

"I’m not having sex, because, like the old Barry Manilow song, the feeling’s gone, and I don’t know how to get it back. We haven’t even slept in the same room in over seven years. I’ve stopped initiating, kind of to wait him out, and we’ve been in a stalemate."

-- Anonymous

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Note to my readers: Views of my answers went up last week to almost 14,000. This will equate to over 728,000 views per year... if it continues to grow. I rarely wish for more, being a humble servant, but I have to admit that I'd be tickled to see it top the million mark. This will require a little over 19,000 views per week. Fingers crossed and we'll see. Thank you to my readers for your interest and support.

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The long answers:

19 years old, never had a girlfriend, no clue about the future, and often sad because everyone around me is successful (has a great partner, job, or plans for the future). My mood often changes from happy to sad. Would love a restart button. Solutions?

Who plans their future at 19? Those plans are fluid - they’ll change. Do you want a restart? Join the military. All the rest of this crap will be swept away when you don’t have time to wallow in it. When you get out, you’ll never look back. Trust me.

What gives a woman value?

Well, without her we would have nobody to carry on? They give birth to the new generation. It is why so many of us are protective of them.

Should I be in a relationship with someone who cares mostly about how much sexual pleasure she gets? I feel like a lot of people just seem to care about sex and make it sound like a relationship without good sex is doomed and cheating happens.

It’s called a relationship, not a marriage. If you’re looking for a lifelong companion, maybe you should ask her what your chances are. Meanwhile, work out and take vitamins. 

How do you know if your wife has or is cheating on you?

If she assumes a position you’ve never tried before and looks like she knows what she doing. It was my clue.

“Cheating and lying aren't struggles, they're reasons to break up.”

-- Patti Callahan Henry

Is wasting time a sin?

Time has no meaning to God, so I’m not sure how a human construct, developed by man to give structure to this existence, could be a sin unless organized religion makes it so to fulfill some controlling agenda.

Having stated this, I have to ask why anyone would not want to make the most of their life in this existence? Why waste a moment of life?

Does it make me a bad person if deep down inside I’m happy I got pregnant, but my mean cousin could not even after trying for 10 years? I think it’s karma for all the years of him gossiping about me and my family.

It is probably karma, but if you feel happy that she suffers, you should probably watch your back. Karma is a bitch.

Why can you live even though you are bad?

There must be balance in the universe. In this way, we can know light from dark, good from bad, sweet from sour, etc. Is it right? Maybe not, but that evidences the wrong which, again, is balance.

Does walking away from an argument make you weak or mature?

I have to walk away from “arguments” all the time, primarily because they aren’t arguments as much as lectures thrust upon me by the League of the Perpetually Offended. “Perpetually” means that no matter what I say, they will find it wrong. But, basically, when a discussion becomes an argument, one or both sides have lost the ability to listen or to form a cogent point. Walking away from any of this, in my humble view, is a sign of maturity. 

“There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who do not. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

-- José N. Harris 

When do you tend to follow the group decisions more often? Have you ever caught yourself doing so when you meant to follow your own thing?

I follow when it makes good sense. If my “own thing” seems to be a more valid course to follow, I will state it and follow my own path. I will say that I have gone along with the crowd, when I was a supervisor and manager, having stated my opinion, simply for the purpose of training. There is nothing more significant to learning than failure, and I wanted to make sure they learned the point, otherwise, the opportunity would have been wasted. 

What are the disadvantages and advantages of not having sex when you're 18 years old and above?

Until you are mature enough to accept the responsibilities of parenthood, the advantage for everyone is that you take the appropriate precautions or stay celibate, lest you complicate your life, your partner's life, and that of the unborn child. Responsibility is a novel concept more young people should exercise, even as “mature” adults.

Why do I lose interest in porn after interacting sexually with my partner?

I lose interest in ice cream after I’ve eaten a carton. Thinking about it and doing it are, obviously, two different things. One doesn’t “fill you up” the way the other does. 

How can I stop caring so much about sex, and the number of times someone has had sex?

As I approach 70, I find I can’t answer that question. I also find that I don’t want to stop caring about it, or the number of times someone exercises their “rights” to enjoyment, especially if it’s me.

Sex is not only the basis of life, it is the reason for life.

-- Norman Lindsay

How many years do you have to date a girl before you can hold hands?

Years? What culture are you in? At this rate, holding hands is the least of your worries. Getting “lucky” might happen before you leave middle age.

Why do single 40-year-old women think they're entitled to single 40-year-old men and these men should be available to them?

This, to my way of thinking, is not a problem 40-year-old men should be concerned about.

What are the four truths every woman needs to know?

Food is fattening, men wander, high heels with short skirts are sexy as all get out, and, yes, you will need to shave or, at least, pluck.

My fiancé doesn’t want to have sex & makes me feel rejected. Bringing it up again makes me feel less of a person & a ‘why are we talking about this again’ conversation. Now I am just not wanting to make any effort so I don’t feel rejected. What to do?

Why is she/he your fiance in this day and age? I’d be looking for a new love. What happens when you marry and sex isn’t what you hoped for?  Divorce.

"Love without sex is still the most efficient form of hell known to man." 

-- Peter Porter

My 41-year-old husband fell in love with a 19-year-old. What do I do?

Divorce is just a thought. The courts will make it worth your time. 19-year-olds are expensive toys.

My husband does not have sex with me because I can't conceive. Why?

Search me. You’re the dream of many a mature man. I’d be plowing late into the night. The love and caring should be there whether you can conceive or not. “In sickness and in health,” yadda, yadda, yadda. The fact he has shut down doesn’t give one a warm fuzzy about the marriage.

What does it mean if someone asks me to turn my music down and then I turn my music down and they say “thanks”?

I’m gonna wing this and say they probably appreciate that you turned your music down, hence the “thanks” you got. I was in an apartment complex where the young people upstairs had no consideration for anyone else. They blasted music until management threw them out due to all of the complaints. A little courtesy goes a long way in keeping the peace, pun intended.

Can a marriage last without mutual trust? Am I trustworthy enough, or am I not enough cause I lie, cheat, and hide?

It can last, but you should both work on the “mutual trust” thing. There is no such thing as “trustworthy enough.” You either are or you aren’t. My advice for you is to watch your back.

“Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying 'You gave me the wrong key!”

-- Anais Nin

And, the short answers:

Should I plan on leaving?

Sure.

How do I become a woman that is worth having a good man?

Become a good woman.

My old aunt caught me rubbing one out what should I say to her?

Knock.

How should I get my mind made about marrying a divorced man with 3 kids? I have 1 child from my own previous marriage. He is an absolute sweetheart and everything I ever wished for but I want to be able to do justice as a stepmom till the very end.

Then you better get to know the kids really well, “stepmom.”

He used to always ask to see me, but all of a sudden it seems he has stopped. Do you think I should maybe ask?

Ya think? 

Why should we forgive others?

If you hate being judged, but you like forgiveness, you should think about it.

My wife says she’s 68 weeks pregnant, when does it usually start to show?

About a year ago.  She probably said, she's 6 to 8 weeks pregnant.

How do I forgive a boyfriend who slept with a girlfriend at my house?

So, do you enjoy abusive relationships? He's abusing the hell out of this one. 

What was your second impression of the love of your life?

Oops!

What is the most important device in your life?

Is a book a device? 

How do you find out if you are wanted?

Call the police.

I've had enough of life. Why am I living?

Because you haven’t stopped? 

My husband always tells me that I should die? What should I do?

You’re still with him?

How many happy endings have you had?

I’m almost 70. I’ve lost count.

How do I stop dreaming about my first love? I haven't seen her in over 2 years, but I keep dreaming about her. How do I make it stop?

Find a second love, better than the first.

What happens when you don't want to be married anymore?

Divorce, if you’re smart.

I told him I have feelings for him and he didn't run. What does this mean?

Lucky you!

My boyfriend told me he needed space and time. What does it mean?

Give him space and time. Find a new boyfriend.

I really don't have anyone in my life that I can trust. What should I do?

Don’t tell secrets, and keep your wife and dog close.

“I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' ... There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

-- Maya Angelou

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com