Questions of Who We Are

“Somehow, we'll find it. The balance between whom we wish to be and who we need to be. But for now, we simply have to be satisfied with who we are.”

-- Brandon Sanderson

Why does genuine ignorance of an issue society deems "obvious" cost said ignorant people their careers, friends, and even lives before they ever have a chance to learn and grow from their mistakes?

It doesn’t say much about who they surround themselves with. Everyone makes a mistake, or two. Everyone has a “foot in mouth” moment, or two. It is always interesting to find out how intelligent those who judge them are. Those who yell loudest are usually more ignorant than those who made the initial mistake. A real issue would be the person who intentionally lies, bends the truth, or flat out claims someone else’s hard work was their own.

Why are people like this? You do ten things for them but two go wrong and they only see those two.

Doesn’t really matter. Those will be the last things I do for them. I do things for people selflessly, but the least they can do is appreciate the effort.

What are the most desperate questions you have ever found?

Some people here are really screaming for help. They are cutting themselves and obviously contemplating hurting themselves or worse. The “desperate” are pretty obvious, and this could be a good thing for those who can help.

“If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.”

-- Anthon St. Maarten

How can I recognize true fear in others through their behavior?

Darting eyes, cold sweats, nervousness, short answers, or they keep on talking and just won’t shut up, crying, they’ve soiled themselves, and abject terror on their face. They probably want to leave… NOW! In reality, true fear isn’t that hard to recognize. Instilling true fear, on the other hand, is not that easy.

Are ugly people really treated badly, or is it their victim mentality?

I think if you feel you're going to be victimized, you’ll make it happen, even if it didn’t. I’m not in the least homophobic, but I’ve had many gays with a chip on their shoulder trying to bait me into an argument because they think I did, didn’t do, or said something. Of course, I didn’t, but they don’t want to hear that. In the end, I work it out with them, usually by asking them to lose the chip and just be human because, personally, I really don’t care who they tongue wrestle with.

The point is, I think quite a few people are not comfortable with who they are, or are expecting people to act in a certain way. They go off for little or no reason. They seem to make their own victim mentality. They’re a pistol waiting to go off in some innocent person's face, and that does nothing for the cause of equal rights.  It just pisses people off.

I think the same can be said for “ugly” people who just slink away, expecting that something bad will happen if they stay. They’d be better off staying and taking on the idiots. I think they’ll find some allies in the crowd.

Fortunately, we’ve been getting a handle on bullies. We’re not there yet, but we will get there if we all stand up for what’s right instead of watching from the sidelines.

What makes people unhappy or happy in this world?

Choice. You must consciously choose to be happy or unhappy. If you choose to invite unhappiness into your life, you can also choose to get shed of it in short order, so you can move on in life, and continue to strive for happiness always. If someone or something makes us unhappy, it is a choice we must make to remain there or rise above it.

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

-- Abraham Lincoln

Is it naive to hope to live past 100 if I am 15 now?

No. All of the men in my dad’s family died in their 40s, but dad lived to be 89. Life is a crapshoot, so live it well and pad your bet.

Will you end up completely distrusting all future decisions when you constantly doubt your own intuition?

If you already doubt your own intuition, the ship has sailed on trusting any decisions now, or in the future. If your intuition is faulty, learn from your mistake and be ready to try again. Failure is the best way we learn.

Who do you think you are? Why should you think that you're somebody special?

Nobody. Everybody. But, no more special than anyone else, including the politicians we pay to do a job for us. They demand more respect than they give and, yet, they work for us. We pay doctors to heal us, yet they want us to call them “doctor” even though they, temporarily, work for us. I’m more apt to call a stranger on the street “sir” than to waste it on some egotistical windbag who thinks they’re above me and deserve it. They are no more special than any of us, they just have a degree or a title. So do I, but I don’t spread it around like manure, expecting something to grow from it. I use my dashing good looks and charming personality for that. Just saying.

“But we aren’t defined by the names we carry or the religion we practice, or the nation whose flag flies over our heads. I know that now. We’re defined by who we are in our hearts, who we choose to be on this earth.”

-- Kristin Harmel

How do you stay optimistic when everything is awful?

Being optimistic is a choice, like choosing to be happy is a choice. Hoping for the best and planning for the worst. Being pessimistic is, at best, standing still and, at worst, stepping backward. If things are already awful, why would you stand still or move backward? Better to move forward and hope for the best. Even better if you strive to be happy always!

Why is it that people who can't take advice always insist on giving it?

And, why is the advice they give always shitty? I only give advice when asked for, and then I make sure they understand that I might have no clue what I’m talking about. A shot in the dark, so to speak.

People have asked me why I don’t take my own advice. Well, I’m a self-proclaimed hypocrite. Do as I say, not as I do (this being the end-product of a military career that kept socialism outside the gates). Better to just think before opening your pie hole and giving shitty advice, and have some “been there, done that” knowledge of what you speak.

What is the exact meaning of the Zen saying: "If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinions"?

First, let’s put the verse in complete context:

“If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinions for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind. When the deep meaning of things is not understood, the mind’s essential peace is disturbed to no avail.” — Seng Ts’an

I think this goes to the Tao philosophy that suggests it is what is not there that makes something useful. Maybe it’s telling us to empty our minds of this “disturbance” of opinion and the real truth will become apparent.

“Thirty spokes share the hub of a wheel;
yet it is its center that makes it useful.
You can mould clay into a vessel;
yet, it is its emptiness that makes it useful.
Cut doors and windows from the walls of a house;
but the ultimate use of the house
will depend on that part where nothing exists.

Therefore, something is shaped into what is;
but its usefulness comes from what is not.”

-- Tao Te Ching

Reader's comment:  In the Nikayas, there are a few suttas that teach us to abandon clinging to 4 things: sensual desire, self identification, rules and rituals, and views. You are right, there are many similarities between Tao Te Ching and the Buddha’s teaching.

And now... the "short" list: 

Do the things you do teach people about you or how you act?

Yes!  It is just embarrassing.

Who do you ask questions to?

People who know the answers, or who know people who know the answers.  

What does it take to find a real connection nowadays?

Effort, because it’s probably not going to find you.

What is your philosophy in life? How does this philosophy or belief help you to pursue your dream?

Strive to be happy always! The rest just follows. Nuff said.

Do you need something to help with your situation?

Viagra.  I have the bourbon.

Do you answer your partner by saying “yes sir”?

I suppose if you’re “role-playing” and he’s spanking you, it’s expected.

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

-- Dr. Seuss

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.