More Questions About Things

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”

-- J.D. Stroube

Are you ever glad after facing a failure?

Yes, because I’ve learned something. If you don’t learn anything, what’s to be happy about? It’s just a failure if you don’t make it something better.

If given the power of reading people's thoughts, what would be your first reaction if you heard real opinions about yourself from the people you love?

If they’re people I love, their opinions of me are probably spot on. My first reaction would be, they’ve got me. I’d laugh and they’d wonder why.

What are the real chances of your ex coming back if she has recently broken up with her BF? Recently we all gathered at an old group party & she looked very practical and was a bit ignorant, trying to avoid my hints that I still love her.

She’s trying to avoid your hints. Take a hint, she’s probably not coming back.

“Some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone, but that does not always mean they are supposed to get it back.”

-- Stephan Labossiere

If they were to write a book about your life, what would it be called?

“Oops…”

When someone is crying, what, exactly, does someone comforting the person mean by the phrase, "There, there?"

It’s a pretty stupid idiom. The only reason people use it is that people have always used it. That makes as much sense as “there, there.” But, then, I never use it, so what do I know.

Why do all these people ask how to win back a narcissist knowing full and well that the narcissist is irredeemably a toxic monster and cannot be changed?

Some people are their own worst enemies. Beware what you wish for.

Reader comment: Spot on, Tony.

“The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one.”

-- Erich Fromm

Do unvaccinated lives not matter?

Not all lives matter, it seems. That’s what people keep trying to ram down our throats. I was brought up believing we all have value. Turns out I was wrong. Who would’ve thought only one group mattered?

What are the different ways to talk to women?

I suppose it depends on what you’re after. Dominant, submissive, equal, it really depends on where both of you want a relationship, if any, to go. Spankings might not be her thing.

Seriously, talk to them with respect, and with no assumptions. People get tired of always being treated differently, just because they’re women, or gay, or fat, or poor. Everyone deserves respect. Let her bring up spanking.

Have you figured out why your relationships keep failing?

Yeah, I was pretty much a dumbass. It took 20 years of failing at married life to figure out what I was doing wrong. Wrong woman, wrong age (for both of us), children too soon, and she never told me she was just using me until the end. I think people should lead with that, as little sense as that makes. I was frustrated with working my ass off trying to make a life for us while she just kept ratcheting up her debt. Basically, I wasted 20 years of my life because I was too stubborn to listen to all the family and friends around me. If you fight for love you end up shadow boxing. I learned to be friends first with the next ladies in my life. So much easier.

“You have certain ideas about what should happen... expectations. And if life is not moving that way, something is wrong. Nothing is going wrong! Life is going on its own, on,!y you have some fixed ideas. So drop those fixed ideas. Life is never going to follow you... you have to follow life. So if it is muddled, be muddled. What can you do?”

-- Osho

Would you or someone you know want to be a super-centenarian, someone who lives to be 110 years old or older? Why would they?

For me. I’d love to see what is in store for us with space travel. Going to Mars and setting up a colony would be an exciting adventure to behold.

What is the best way to approach Muslims?

If they are part of peaceful Islam and not a heretical sect, try saying “Howdy!” 

Does what you own state anything about your dignity?

I live in a small house. I drive a clean used car. I have no debt that I can’t pay off each month. I don’t own more than I use, and if I find it isn’t being used, I sent it to charity. My workshop can get to be in disarray, but in the house, there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. I have a beard and I keep it trimmed. I have too many sports shirts, t-shirts, underwear, and pairs of jeans, just to ensure what I wear, other than my project clothes, are always clean and in good condition. I keep the yard in good shape.

How you live is a reflection of who you are. Who you are is about dignity. Dignity is about being humble, making good choices, and, hopefully, being an example for others.

“Top 15 Things Money Can’t Buy - Time. Happiness. Inner Peace. Integrity. Love. Character. Manners. Health. Respect. Morals. Trust. Patience. Class. Common sense. Dignity.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

Why in relationships do I alternate between the two extremes of needing attention and reassurance from my partner, or being repelled and engulfed by their need for communication and spending time together? It’s usually one or the other.

Now, I don’t mean to be cruel here, but this seems to be “all about you.” Your needs are paramount and their needs are superfluous. It is pretty selfish, from my point of view. Though I don’t have all the facts, so I have to assume. If you’re not careful, you’ll probably find yourself “needing attention and reassurance” from someone who isn’t there. Then, whatchya gonna do? From what you stated, "relationships," plural, you've been down this road before.

Author's comment:  

The question is “all about me” because it is my problem. What I am saying is that of course the question is about me because I’m asking it. Asking it means I am wondering to improve my relationships.

My response:  As I assumed. Doll, you need to give and take. This is what defines a relationship. If you can’t learn to do this, you will be on this ride for years to come.  Strive to be happy always!

Why am I no man's "type" because I am a black woman? If a man has a type, there is no way it's going to be someone who looks like me.

Who the hell came up with that drivel? There are a significant number of black women out there married to men, black men, white men, Asian men, so this statement kind of sucks. And, if you think you’re not pretty enough, that has nothing to do with being black, you just have to work it. There really is someone out there for everyone, you just have to lose the attitude and work on reeling one in.

The Master said, Learn as if you are following someone with whom you could not catch up, as though it were someone you were frightened of losing.''What does this mean?

Look upon knowledge as something you’re frightened of losing, like your child. Knowledge not learned is wasted. Knowledge exists for one purpose only, to be learned. We should all be “frightened of losing” it.

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”

-- Benjamin Franklin

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.