Questioning Love (at the end)

 

“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”

-- James Patterson

How do unmarried elderly people with no children cope with loneliness, or are there people who are content being alone?

You assume unmarried elderly are lonely. I’ve known quite a few that are just getting their second wind. I’m 67 and plan on being one of them.

What's an example of finding another way to do something?

You can make better cornbread in an iron skillet, or you can make it in a baking dish. Sometimes finding another way isn’t necessarily the better way. Then, of course, there’s always the Kama Sutra.

Author's comment: Ha Ha! Wasn’t expecting you to end on that note.

My reply:  I tried not to, but I have no self-control.

Why am I not able to do well in my job when I am trying even harder, being embarrassed in front of all my colleagues?

You’re either trying too hard, or your job isn’t really your forte. Personally, I wouldn’t be worried about being embarrassed. I’d ask those above me for some constructive feedback.

“Change is like that: you are no longer where you were; you are not yet where you will get; you are nowhere exactly.”

-- Lionel Shriver

What is something that makes you cringe but is normalized in our society?

Sticking someone with a syringe. Needles don’t bother me as long as I don’t look. In the military, we got many inoculations. Never bothered me as long as I don’t look. It makes me tense up. Now, with COVID all over the news, we’re treated to arms getting stuck several times a day without notice, and during a meal. On the flip side, I was treated to a feminine razor commercial with a closeup of a woman shaving really close to her nether regions. We are getting bolder and bolder as to what we will show on media.

What's another word for "crisis"?

According to the White House? “Situation” is the word they use.

What is the difference between a wise person and a toxic person?

I’m not familiar with toxic people. I try to keep them at more than arm’s length. However, I find it hard to fathom a wise person could be toxic as wisdom would have taken care of the toxicity. If they are truly what they are, I think they’d be at opposite ends of a spectrum.

“A poor wise person is greater than a rich fool.”

-- Matshona Dhliwayo

How do you become more realistic about yourself?

I wore thick glasses most of my life. I was small… until I was average. You learn to deal with bullies. You learn to deal with pain. You learn the “psychology of survival” and then you join military intelligence. You learn to supervise, you learn to manage, and you finally learn to lead. In the process, you earn male pattern baldness and learn what beer can do for your belly. You get married, you have children, you retire and get divorced.  You lose everything. And then, you have an epiphany. You realize that none of this really matters. You can make intelligent conversation, you have a sense of humor, you have southern charm and personality taught to you by your mother. This is who you are, and the ladies eat it up.

You’ve learned to shoot automatic and semi-automatic weapons, and you’ve bought a few. Bullies are a thing of the past. You’ve made peace with life and forgiven all those who have wronged you. You look in the mirror and see a mature version of who you’ve become. You’re still thinning up top and the gut is more pronounced. You wear contact lenses and sport a well-trimmed, but greying, beard. You smile and the chaplain smiles back, one of the many faces of who you are, but it is what it is, and life is fine.

You don your “Retired Air Force” cap and head out the door for bourbon and cigars with the vets in town. No worries, especially about bullies. Somewhere during all this, you became realistic, not only about who you are, but what you are capable of in many circumstances. But, most of all, you have become capable of striving to be happy always, and this is a good thing.

Can bringing someone down ever raise you up?

No, and it would be a sad reflection on who you are. Treat everyone, even your enemies, with some level of respect. If a person wants to feel raised up, they should do something selfless for the person they would bring down.

What are the best ways to attract people who serve your highest good?

I don’t need any assistance to retain my “higher good” in life. To attract others to serve it, would be self-serving, selfish, on my part. If they wish to tag along and serve themselves with what I do, they are welcomed to serve their own higheer good. Hopefully, others will learn from them and so on. If what you do is selfless and righteous, others will be attracted to your light without effort.

“We are custodians. We are stewards. Our actions are being watched by others around us. Someone is looking up to us as we take each breath. We can be just a grape or we can be the juice that offers simplicity, nourishment, and refreshment. Extract and empty your goodness. Pass it into the hearts of the people looking up to you. It will multiply beyond your highest good.”

-- Angie Karan

Have you ever felt like your life is like some kind of gigantic cosmic joke?

Every time I wash my “package.” Thanks for reminding me.

What does it mean if someone wants to ask you about social issues?

It’s been my experience on here that people will ask, but they really don’t want to know. They just set you up so they can be offended by your answer, which is fine. I’m used to the League of the Perpetually Offended and can usually tell when to expect a cogent response, or not so much. Hope for the best, but expect to go south.

What does absolutely everyone need that absolutely no one wants?

Winning the lottery? I’m not sure that one life hasn’t been made miserable from it. Be careful what you wish for.

"It's funny how everybody considers honesty a virtue, yet no one wants to hear the truth."

-- Unknown

 And, in the "unrequited love" category:

In college this girl wanted nothing to do with me, she would reject me and make fun of me, but now, I finished school, have a better job, car, everything, now she's asking me out what should I do?

Nothing. Sucks being her. 

My girlfriend has ignored my message for almost 24 hours, and active on social media disregarding it. Is she a jerk?

You called her your “girlfriend,” right? Well…

I have been hoping to get back with my ex-girlfriend for a year now. Why would this happen to somebody when it's almost impossible? How do I move on?

You might ask her. She certainly seems to have. I mean, it’s been a year now.

Is it okay to ask my girlfriend who certain guys are that go into her business?

Only if you don’t want a girlfriend. 

How can I achieve sincerity in a relationship?

You can achieve it, the real question is how do you know when you’ve lost it, or if you ever really had it? You have to find a significant other who has a strong sense of moral ethics, in particular, honesty, and then you have to be just as morally righteous. Good luck!

Are you an envious advisor? Why do some encourage people to stop gently reaching out to their ex-lover if the split was not due to either person being bad for the other (ceteris paribus)? Isn't it proving you truly love them if you keep trying?

Why would you stop reaching out if the split was amicable? The problem I see here is an unrequited love issue. You can still be friends, but his interests have moved on where yours are still pining for a love lost. Will he make a turnaround and realize the mistake? Maybe, but meanwhile, you are wasting some of your preciously short life in this realm waiting for something that may not happen. Stay friends and keep reaching out, but don’t stop living.

Author's comment:  While you give good advice. You make A LOT of assumptions about a person you don’t know. Maybe you are speaking in your experience. But the question is why do people tell others to “leave alone” someone who loves them and who they love even if the one person is being stubborn and rejecting them. I am not talking about showing up at the work…stalking or harassing. Just gently inquiring at different times..of course not forever..but after they burn out all their hope.

I have an idea that Only fakes pretend they don’t personally want someone who doesn’t easily give up love on them. Moving on quickly and not facing what is already there…doesn’t teach you anything in life. Why do anything, if you don't give your best?

My reply:  It is an opinion. Assumptions were made because no specifics were given about people I don’t know. To answer the question of why others do something, again, even more assumptions, and maybe judgments, would have to be made. And, you, yourself, proceed to make the assumption that "only fakes pretend."  If he's that important to you, then, by all means, give it your best.  All I'm saying is, hope for the best, but don't get blindsided by the worst.

Author's reply:  Well, see I wanted your personal reason (each answerer’s personal reason) for advising someone you DO NOT KNOW in such a manner. Why don’t people say “it DEPENDS if you split up with mutual feelings of love…however if you split due to cheating or something hard to forgive..”

My reply:  Neither person was at fault, according to you, so to assume a lack of animosity seemed reasonable. Given this, I see no reason why anyone would fault you for continuing to reach out. 

Author's reply:  Well, that’s the thing…. envy is real. Some people did not have their lover fight for them and so tell others not to fight for their lover. But this is mostly a psychological question. I ask to understand people and become aware… I know full well not all persons will respond honestly (sometimes they do it unknowingly).

I’m not stupid enough to take the advice of strangers if I haven’t given them all the details.

Also, I know some people have lazy mentalities, as to why their first answer is “give up”.

Note to the reader:  The "bait" was in the first question.  She was already primed to rip me up no matter what I said.  I nibbled to let this play out, here, to show that answers to questions are, sometimes, not as simple as they would seem. Attitudes and expectations run hand in hand with emotions, and I could have gotten a bit deeper into this with her, but I felt it was time to leave well enough alone.

“Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back... then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.”

-- Sarah Cross

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.