Questioning the Feelings of Others

 

“Respect other people's feelings. It might mean nothing to you, but it could mean everything to them.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

What ideas seem interesting but are wrong?

Socialism, nudist colonies, religious cults, and anything written by the Marquis de Sade. Okay, maybe not everything by the Marquis.

What does it mean when someone says they are unsure about their feelings for you?

It means they can come to see me when they are. Right now, they’re too much drama.

How do you take away the wall you put up for everyone? Should I keep it up or take it down?

You ask the right question, but one that only you can answer. It has to do with comfort and maturity. Do you feel mature enough to handle the drama others bring to the table, or to simply ignore it and strive to be happy always? If you feel you can handle this, then drop the wall. If not, walls are a way of keeping our sanity until we grow past them. But, you can’t stay locked behind them forever. Life is about learning lessons so you can move forward into the next life. If you stay behind the walls you build you will have learned nothing and will probably have to repeat the lesson until you do. It becomes your chosen “hell on earth” until you rise above it.

“We all build internal sea walls to keep at bay the sadnesses of life and the often overwhelming forces within our minds. In whatever way we do this—through love, work, family, faith, friends, denial, alcohol, drugs, or medication—we build these walls, stone by stone, over a lifetime. One of the most difficult problems is to construct these barriers of such a height and strength that one has a true harbor, a sanctuary away from crippling turmoil and pain, but yet low enough, and permeable enough, to let in fresh seawater that will fend off the inevitable inclination toward brackishness.”

-- Kay Redfield Jamison

How do I not go to school?

Be intelligent enough to take bypass tests. No? Then go to school. 

How do you stop wanting your ex back?

Drown yourself in some hot babe.

Do we all carry burdens?

Yes, small and large and to varying degrees of importance. The knowledge that we all carry burdens is not as important as how we carry them. We need to pay attention to ridding ourselves of the burdens that come into our lives. Some are easy, others hard, and some we have little control over will pass with time. While we deal with the burdens, the lessons of life, we constantly need to strive to be happy always. We can do this by accepting burdens as simply a lesson life has thrown our way.

“Kill what you can't save

what you can't eat throw out
what you can't throw out bury

What you can't bury give away
what you can't give away you must carry with you,
it is always heavier than you thought.”

-- Margaret Atwood

What’s your recent act of kindness?

Every day, I manage to control my temper by striving to be happy always. So, every day is an act of kindness for some lucky soul.

Can I say "He is not yours, it is just your turn" in response to women saying "She is not yours, it is just your turn"?

It’s all about equality and balance… until it isn’t.

The importance of being grateful for the really important matters in our lives. What are these things in your opinion?

The top really important matter in our lives? That we wake up each and every morning to give thanks for the gift of another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel in this life. If you think your life is crap, you haven’t embraced the fact that only you can change your circumstance by excelling in life and rising above it. 

“Don't wait for a crisis to realize what matters most. Put yourself first right now. Because right now is all we have.”

-- Brittany Burgunder

Is he denying responsibility for his actions when he says “we did this wrong”?

No, he’s co-accepting responsibility and taking one or more people with him under the bus. 

My boyfriend said he’s depressed because of me. I feel very hurt as I believe I am a good partner towards him and I do all I can for him. Can someone tell me what this means?

Find a new “partner” who appreciates what you do for them. More important, find one who does the same for you.

What happens if you age much better than your wife? Will it destabilize the marriage?

She will probably be upset and, at the same time, aroused. How it affects the marriage is entirely up to both of you, and the strength of your love for each other. If your marriage cannot weather this, it was doomed anyway and neither of you could admit it.

“I'm not opposed to aging - even though society is kinder on men than women when it comes to getting old. How can I look at aging as the enemy? It happens whether I like it or not and no one is set apart from growing old; it comes to us all. Youth passes from everyone, so why deny it? I'm proud of my age. I'm proud that I've survived this planet for as long as I have, and should I end up withered, wrinkled and with a lifetime of great wisdom, I'll trade the few years of youth for the sophistication of a great mind...for however long it lasts.”

-- Donna Lynn Hope

What are some words of appreciation?

Thank you! That’s pretty much it. Everything else is derived from this.

Is it still possible for your crush to like you if you’ve made a bad first impression?

How about posing this question to your “crush”? This is the beginning, you hope, of some kind of relationship. Start it with honesty, by being honest to them about your feelings.

How do I break away from being the "less attractive" sister?

Stop judging yourself. You aren’t “less” attractive, you simply have to embrace the fact that you’re attractive in your own way. When you look at men or another woman, don’t judge their looks, this is shallow. Look deeper into who they really are. Any quality man, or woman, will be doing the same thing.

"The most attractive thing about you should have less to do with your face and body and more to do with your heart and how you treat people."

-- Kandee Johnson

I'm a 15-year-old girl living in the US. My parents moved here from India about 20 years ago, but mom still wants to go back. I enjoy living in this country. What should I do?

Ask her to wait three years. As an American citizen, at 18 you can do what you want.  Of course, her being from India, culturally she might disown you.

How do I make a man feel good?

Talk about your loaded question.  I filed my "kneejerk" answer back into the file and made the answer a tad more generic.  I know what it akes to make me feel good, but then, I'm pretty shallow when it comes to feeling good.  It differs depending on the man. You ask the right question, but you should be asking the man.

When you find yourself afraid of something, what is your response?

I’ve been known to chase down shadow figures. If it’s enough to make me afraid, I run.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”

-- Plato

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.