Questioning Society

 

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

-- J. Krishnamurti 

For those contemplating bellybutton lint: 

I was just notified that 7.12k people read my answers last week. I'm doing a little better, if I cared. 93.6k have read my answers since the first of the year. At this rate, over 374k people will have read my answers by the end of the year. This will put me over the past year and a half count of 287k. I am truly flattered, but everyone should really get out more. I have to remember the one response from the "League of the Perpetually Offended" last week. I get them so infrequently their mindless drivel is fairly easy to forget. Woo hoo! Life is nothing if it isn't exciting, huh? All of this and $3.00 will buy me a cup of coffee.

 

Are you sure you’re doing okay?

Absolutely! If you have to ask that question of yourself, you have some work to do. I wake up each and every morning, thanking God for the gift of another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel in this life. Strive to be happy always!

What do you think about the saying "Always fight fire with fire"?

Nuclear war. Everybody loses. Fires are always a situational occurrence. How you fight one depends on what kind it is and what elements are involved. The same holds true with conflict. Sometimes negotiation can bring about understanding about the losses involved in a “first strike” or a limited option, which might make your opponent think twice about setting that fire in the first place. All options should be considered before the very large hammer is brought into play.

What do you do when two pieces of excellent advice contradict each other?

Get more advice and see if one of the first two repeats. Look at the credentials and experience of the people giving the same advice in comparison to the one giving contrary advice. Then, throw the dice and see who was right. Mistakes will always be made. It is, after all, the best way for us to learn.

“If a man never contradicts himself, the reason must be that he virtually never says anything at all.”

-- Erwin Schrödinger

Would being immortal be good or bad for humans?

Since no one can die, they’d have a lot of time to get it right. There would be no murder or greed, although payback might involve one bitch of an eternity. If you set someone on fire, would they live in eternal agony? If you cut off someone’s head, would it cease to live?

We would be able to constantly improve upon what we create, for generations. Everyone would have an opportunity to learn more than our short lives now allow. For many there would be a relatively short “learning curve” to find that being a “bad actor” really doesn’t gain you more than payback, so why get involved.

Why do you sometimes find yourself unable to express your thoughts, or say yes when we would like to say no to something in a speech? What do you think about it?

Never happens to me. My mouth constantly gets me into trouble. Mom always said it would, and she was right. Form a coherent thought and express an honest and cogent statement. I always told the people under me to come forward if they have an issue with a task we were assigned but to also have a better way to accomplish it. It isn’t enough to just stand up and say “No!” You have to be able to present a better or creative alternative, or, at least, be able to explain why something is wrong so we can work on it.

Does not forgiving yourself attract negative entities?

Guilt and an inability to forgive yourself could attract evil or negativity. The very act of non-forgiveness is negative. This can lead to opening the door, so to speak, and inviting negativity, evil, into your life. This is, obviously, not a good thing.

We all make mistakes, and failure is the best way we can learn. Forgive yourself for mistakes and learn not to repeat them. Accept that you messed up, learn from it, and move forward. Keep a positive attitude that you can and will do better. Most important, strive to be happy always, even in the face of adversity.

“Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take it’s place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you.”

-- Beverly Engel

What was the last thing that you submitted to in a society that your conscience vehemently opposed?

At the beginning of our divorce, my wife called the sheriff told them that I threatened to kill her, which I never did. I was arrested and spent the night in jail for something I never did. It really pissed me off that someone can lie about you and be believed without question. I wore an “ankle bracelet” for a month and had to go to anger management, which was a hoot since I wasn’t angry about any of it until she had me arrested. The judge buried the whole thing when he heard the story, and the fact that her prosecutor had the wrong information, another guy with my name and a different SSAN.  The judge told him to do more homework.

What are the best subjects to start an argument?

Politics and race. Both feed off of ignorance, and the pundits make money off fueling the misery of those involved. This is the breeding ground for members of the “League of the Perpetually Offended.”

What did you, as wiser counsel, propose as the best way(s) to resolve 'humankind's common problems'?

Teachers need to start teaching the truth and stop trying to indoctrinate children. If we taught the truth and stopped rewriting history at every turn, our children might actually learn how to avoid problems of the past. There are many common problems, like poverty and hunger, yet we focus on problems we have a handle on, like racism, and create new problems on our own southern border. The United States has fallen back 50 years and is erasing the positive progress we’ve made, instead of coming together and leading the world forward. And, videos of black men attacking Asians are a sad reflection of how far we’ve actually come with combating racism. We need to work on the issues and stop using them as political propaganda in order to continue the misery.

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”

-- Albert Einstein

Is true happiness really reachable or do people only reach a certain level of contentment to deal with other people?

True happiness is a choice each of us must make for ourselves. Poor, tired, overworked, abused, dealing with other people, and the like, are just excuses to not strive to be happy always. In each life, there exists a reason for happiness. We must find that reason and put our focus on it, not on what we see as problems that, in all honestly, we have brought on ourselves through poor choices. Rise above all the misery, stop inviting drama into your life, and learn to strive to be happy always!

Is going eye for an eye even for the smallest things bad? Like when someone does something to me like ignore me for a whole day, I'd do the same to them without notice exactly how they did it. Is that bad?

Yes, two wrongs don’t make a right. Better if you explain to them why they are wrong and hope they learn from your honesty.

Why don't I want to give up hope?

When it comes right down to it, hope is the only thing we truly own. Hope is ours, and it is the only thing no one can take from us because we have to willingly give it up. Hope is why we live. Everything we do is based on hope.

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

-- Shel Silverstein

How can positive and negative perceptions influence the shaping of mindsets, and how does this influence interpersonal relationships?

If you have a positive perception, you are okay with it, you might want more of it. Like and dislike comes into play. A negative perception would have the opposite effect. A negative perception surrounding someone would cause others to not want anything to do with them, whereas a positive perception would be inviting to those around them.

How do I draw nothing?

Stare at the paper.

How can I stop caring about or seeing politics?

Resign yourself to socialism. The government will do all of your thinking, caring, and seeing for you, so you can focus only on producing.

Reader comment: I applaud your honesty! Thank you.

"Caring about politics" right now has a simpler meaning in a time like this — empathy. Saying that you don't care about politics is, right now, tantamount to saying that you don't have any empathy. So buck up, and look around you. America is made up of its citizens. If you care about the country at all, if you care about the people you surround yourself with, then you also care about politics right now.

-- Lani Seelinger

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

A Few Questions About God

 

“When you trust your inner guidance and begin moving in the direction of your dreams (aligned with your individual gifts) you will be cloaked in an armor bestowed upon you by your guardian angel.”

-- Charles F. Glassman

What do you call a theist who doesn't believe in a God?

Well, let’s take a look at the definition of “theist”: A person who believes in the existence of a god or gods, specifically of a creator who intervenes in the universe.

So, if a "theist" doesn’t believe in a god or gods, then, I suppose they either don’t know what a theist is, or they're a hypocrite.

Reader comment: So, if a theist doesn’t believe in a god, or gods, then, I suppose he is a Buddhist! Perhaps a better definition is needed!

My reply:  The 10 most important Buddhas & Deities: Buddhist iconography.  There is much evidence to support the deist beliefs of Buddhists, but let me try to clarify this answer, since it seems hard to grasp: It really depends on if you hold them to the strict definition of a deity. It would seem they blur this line. The point being, by definition, a theist believes in a god or they wouldn’t be a theist. If you believe Buddhists to not be theists then they don’t even enter into the hypothesis given, "if a theist doesn’t believe in god…”  If they aren't theists, then we must accept that they don't believe in gods.  But, the question addresses theists who don't believe in gods.  There is a difference.

(Note to my readers:  Mentoring is a neverending task.  This gentleman, evident after several exchanges, seemed to be more intent on looking for an argument than listening, even though he kept ending up on my side.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  I see no reason to rub a person's nose in their ignorance of a topic, or their inability to read a question or to listen, as we all have failings.  I simply point to evidence they might want to consider, and plenty of it is out there.  Re-reading the question can also be a bonus.  Are Buddhists deists?  In the strictest sense, no.  And, yet, some do have their version of  "deities.")

Do you forgive yourself for everything wrong you’ve done?

Yes! But, the problem isn’t with me forgiving, it’s with everyone else forgiving. And, then, there’s always God and the ultimate judgment. I fully expect to pay for my transgressions, sooner or later. 

I’m 13 and I would like to believe in God. I reached for help and keep hearing repent, read the Bible, and pray. I did these things yet I still don’t believe in god. What can I do to believe?

First of all, belief in God is personal faith. No one can tell you how to find your faith, only you can do that. Faith is the undying belief in something for which there is little or no proof. There are many definitions for “God” and, yet, only one can live in your heart. Scripture is rife with contradiction. This is what happens when man tries to make sense of God. Better you should simply pay attention to the only "Word of God" that was written in stone - the Ten Commandments.

I believe there is a “supreme power” in the universe. This power may just be energy, but that energy has created everything around us. How you believe is important only to “organized” religion. What you believe, however, is important to you and to your God, and what you believe defines your personal spirituality, your faith.

I’m not a big one for ritual and organized “religion.” If you want to praise God, do so in your heart. If you want fellowship, this you will find around others with similar beliefs. But, if you want proof that God exists, step out your front door and revel in the miracle of all creation. Walk barefoot through the grass and in the sand. Smell the flowers and look into the eyes of a child and see the innocence of children.

When you see death, destruction, poverty and starvation, remember that God gives us the wherewithall, the gift of intelligence, to rise above these things.  Is it God's fault that we don't make use of the gift? 

Above all else, though, you must constantly strive to be happy in all things. 

“Just like we would be grateful for and welcome a qualified firefighter to save us from fire, or a qualified lifeguard to save us from drowning, we ought to be grateful and appreciate the One Being qualified to save our souls. In the long run, it is to our advantage.”

-- Sophie Hill

What are some creative things that can symbolize an apology?

How about just saying, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” If you were not wrong, don’t say you were. This will just make you full of shit. Certainly don’t try to buy them off with gifts. Bullshit is bullshit, so don’t be wasting money on it. This would be like betting ”all in” on a pair of twos.  You'll be telling them you really don't have a clue.

A guy I’ve been talking to for a while says I'm different from other girls, that I'm not emotional. I’ve gotten that from a lot of people, they say in desensitized but I never realized it until a few people pointed it out. What do I do to show emotion?

So, they’ve judged you. Good for them, or not. You may not have had an incident where emotion was required and, if this is true, lucky you. One day this may happen but, for now, you seem to have nothing to be emotional about. I wouldn’t worry about it. If we were all the same, how boring would that be?

Is asking and being rejected better or worse than not asking and never knowing?

It’s always better to put it out there. Nobody likes rejection, but nobody likes never knowing, either. I never told a girl in high school that I really liked her. 50 years later, I find out she really liked me, as well. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know, and a chance to change lives passes you both by.

“Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, "Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody." ... [My dark side says,] I am no good... I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.”

-- Henri J.M. Nouwen

Who told you it couldn’t be done and what did you tell them?

An officer in charge of the intelligence branch I just arrived to become the manager of, told me we couldn’t bring the branch from the marginal it had become to the excellent I had made it before I left. I told him to, basically, stay out of my way and let me take care of it. I explained to the other intelligence personnel what we were going to do. Many of them knew me from before. We worked hard, played hard, and brought in an “excellent” rating, from the Operational Readiness Inspection, in less than a year. Never tell a Master Sergeant “it can’t be done,” especially if he’s had to do it before.

How does one develop eye contact at the age of 55?

The same way I learned it as a kid. Look them in the eyes and let them know you’re listening.

My kid keeps telling me she hates school because she’s lonely and hates it there. She keeps asking me to switch her back to virtual learning but I don’t know if I should. What should I do?

Hold her feet to the fire. She needs to learn social interaction to survive in many situations she will have to face. If she’s lonely, mentor her on how to make friends. She really doesn’t hate school, she hates being lonely at school. Aspects of life suck for a reason, these are lessons we have to learn how to rise above in order to succeed in life.

“The circumstances surrounding your birth is not as important as the opportunity to live life.”

-- Lailah Gifty Akita

How can you resolve conflict with someone who doesn’t want to engage?

I’ve never been able to do it on their terms. Sooner or later, though, if you’re correct in this “conflict,” there will probably come an “I told you so” moment. Don’t say it, but just smile and lightly shake your head. They know. How big a person they are will be evidenced by if they come to you to engage. It is always good when people learn something, even if it takes a while.

Is it fair to question someone in an enclosed space?

Do you think it's going to hurt less when they have space to really punch you? A question is a question. If they can’t handle the question they shouldn’t have done the deed that led to you asking it in an enclosed space.  And, if it's you being questioned, well... for shame.

How do I communicate better with my wife?

Patience and listening. When she says something, give her feedback, not an argument. In particular, ensure you understand her point of view, or that you understand what she said, period.

And if she has a problem listening, communication when there are no distractions is a good idea. Have your say and then ask if she has any feedback for you. Listen to her feedback, and then thank her for listening to you.  Give her a kiss and take her to dinner.  Sucking up can be used as "positive reinforcement" here.

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

It is always worthwhile to start a new relationship because we always learn and grow by living with a new person. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It’s not worth throwing away a perfectly good loving relationship for. If you have a roommate, I can see the benefit, kind of. A person needs to learn to grow and do so in many ways but not by throwing away relationships.

How old were you when you began to mean the words you say?

Twenty. I had just joined the military. It solidified my personal code of ethics.

How would you explain the meaning of the phrase "real love always sees past all the imperfections"?

It’s kind of self-explanatory, isn’t it? If you really and truly love someone their imperfections can be overlooked. Realistically, we all have imperfections. Not one of us is perfect. Who, then, would judge and cast the first stone? As we grow older we see the scars that come with age or misspent youth. These scars are nothing more than proof of life. I show you mine if you show me yours. If a scar is preventing someone from loving, perhaps they should move to the deeper end of the pool. The shallows are for those who need to learn to swim.

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”

-- Steve Maraboli

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

More Questions About Things

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”

-- J.D. Stroube

Are you ever glad after facing a failure?

Yes, because I’ve learned something. If you don’t learn anything, what’s to be happy about? It’s just a failure if you don’t make it something better.

If given the power of reading people's thoughts, what would be your first reaction if you heard real opinions about yourself from the people you love?

If they’re people I love, their opinions of me are probably spot on. My first reaction would be, they’ve got me. I’d laugh and they’d wonder why.

What are the real chances of your ex coming back if she has recently broken up with her BF? Recently we all gathered at an old group party & she looked very practical and was a bit ignorant, trying to avoid my hints that I still love her.

She’s trying to avoid your hints. Take a hint, she’s probably not coming back.

“Some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone, but that does not always mean they are supposed to get it back.”

-- Stephan Labossiere

If they were to write a book about your life, what would it be called?

“Oops…”

When someone is crying, what, exactly, does someone comforting the person mean by the phrase, "There, there?"

It’s a pretty stupid idiom. The only reason people use it is that people have always used it. That makes as much sense as “there, there.” But, then, I never use it, so what do I know.

Why do all these people ask how to win back a narcissist knowing full and well that the narcissist is irredeemably a toxic monster and cannot be changed?

Some people are their own worst enemies. Beware what you wish for.

Reader comment: Spot on, Tony.

“The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one.”

-- Erich Fromm

Do unvaccinated lives not matter?

Not all lives matter, it seems. That’s what people keep trying to ram down our throats. I was brought up believing we all have value. Turns out I was wrong. Who would’ve thought only one group mattered?

What are the different ways to talk to women?

I suppose it depends on what you’re after. Dominant, submissive, equal, it really depends on where both of you want a relationship, if any, to go. Spankings might not be her thing.

Seriously, talk to them with respect, and with no assumptions. People get tired of always being treated differently, just because they’re women, or gay, or fat, or poor. Everyone deserves respect. Let her bring up spanking.

Have you figured out why your relationships keep failing?

Yeah, I was pretty much a dumbass. It took 20 years of failing at married life to figure out what I was doing wrong. Wrong woman, wrong age (for both of us), children too soon, and she never told me she was just using me until the end. I think people should lead with that, as little sense as that makes. I was frustrated with working my ass off trying to make a life for us while she just kept ratcheting up her debt. Basically, I wasted 20 years of my life because I was too stubborn to listen to all the family and friends around me. If you fight for love you end up shadow boxing. I learned to be friends first with the next ladies in my life. So much easier.

“You have certain ideas about what should happen... expectations. And if life is not moving that way, something is wrong. Nothing is going wrong! Life is going on its own, on,!y you have some fixed ideas. So drop those fixed ideas. Life is never going to follow you... you have to follow life. So if it is muddled, be muddled. What can you do?”

-- Osho

Would you or someone you know want to be a super-centenarian, someone who lives to be 110 years old or older? Why would they?

For me. I’d love to see what is in store for us with space travel. Going to Mars and setting up a colony would be an exciting adventure to behold.

What is the best way to approach Muslims?

If they are part of peaceful Islam and not a heretical sect, try saying “Howdy!” 

Does what you own state anything about your dignity?

I live in a small house. I drive a clean used car. I have no debt that I can’t pay off each month. I don’t own more than I use, and if I find it isn’t being used, I sent it to charity. My workshop can get to be in disarray, but in the house, there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. I have a beard and I keep it trimmed. I have too many sports shirts, t-shirts, underwear, and pairs of jeans, just to ensure what I wear, other than my project clothes, are always clean and in good condition. I keep the yard in good shape.

How you live is a reflection of who you are. Who you are is about dignity. Dignity is about being humble, making good choices, and, hopefully, being an example for others.

“Top 15 Things Money Can’t Buy - Time. Happiness. Inner Peace. Integrity. Love. Character. Manners. Health. Respect. Morals. Trust. Patience. Class. Common sense. Dignity.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

Why in relationships do I alternate between the two extremes of needing attention and reassurance from my partner, or being repelled and engulfed by their need for communication and spending time together? It’s usually one or the other.

Now, I don’t mean to be cruel here, but this seems to be “all about you.” Your needs are paramount and their needs are superfluous. It is pretty selfish, from my point of view. Though I don’t have all the facts, so I have to assume. If you’re not careful, you’ll probably find yourself “needing attention and reassurance” from someone who isn’t there. Then, whatchya gonna do? From what you stated, "relationships," plural, you've been down this road before.

Author's comment:  

The question is “all about me” because it is my problem. What I am saying is that of course the question is about me because I’m asking it. Asking it means I am wondering to improve my relationships.

My response:  As I assumed. Doll, you need to give and take. This is what defines a relationship. If you can’t learn to do this, you will be on this ride for years to come.  Strive to be happy always!

Why am I no man's "type" because I am a black woman? If a man has a type, there is no way it's going to be someone who looks like me.

Who the hell came up with that drivel? There are a significant number of black women out there married to men, black men, white men, Asian men, so this statement kind of sucks. And, if you think you’re not pretty enough, that has nothing to do with being black, you just have to work it. There really is someone out there for everyone, you just have to lose the attitude and work on reeling one in.

The Master said, Learn as if you are following someone with whom you could not catch up, as though it were someone you were frightened of losing.''What does this mean?

Look upon knowledge as something you’re frightened of losing, like your child. Knowledge not learned is wasted. Knowledge exists for one purpose only, to be learned. We should all be “frightened of losing” it.

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”

-- Benjamin Franklin

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Questioning Choices

 

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

Am I the one that is to blame?

Jesus straightened up and said to her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, sir.’ And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.’  -- John 8:10-11

Did you do anything, even the smallest of things to bring about whatever happened? If you have nothing to atone for, then how can you be to blame? Any judgment placed upon you will be of your own choice. In your heart, you will grapple with this, if you are to blame.

If you decide you might have done something, ask forgiveness from those you think you might have wronged. Jesus answers this best, ‘Neither do I condemn you.’ It is the purview of these others to grant forgiveness, as they should if they see you are honestly contrite.

When all is said and done, keep this kind of drama from your life and strive to be happy always.

Why can the media say what they want while individuals are put down for it?

Truth has no meaning in today’s journalism, nor is it any concern of today's government. If the government is free to rewrite the truth, and “journalism” is in lockstep with what they do, who will dare accuse them? Welcome to socialism.  The real truth is meaningless and your opinion, if contrary, is cause for sanction.

What would you do if you discovered that there was a god above and more powerful than the god that you worshiped?

There is only one God, to be held above all others. I may have chosen poorly. However, if you give your praise to this “God above all others” you are giving your acknowledgment of the ultimate power in the universe. There is nothing more powerful. My faith in this ultimate power tells me I have nothing to fear. Since there is the ultimate power, then I cannot be wrong.

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”

-- Stephen King

What is a stand you took with someone who was rude to you that you will never apologize for?

Any time I stand up against something wrong, the need for an apology is theirs, not mine. I do not apologize for being right. I may apologize for taking their head off, but not for my opinion, if I’m in the right.

Must someone be inspired before having the ability to speak, write, tell or express the truth?

If you aren’t inspired, it’s best to just listen until you are. In this way, you are more apt to make a valid and cogent point when you finally choose to open your pie hole and speak, put pen to paper, or convince others you’re addressing that you’re not just another bald-faced liar. Politicians would be well-served to adopt this practice.

What are easy and good ways to stay professionally detached from the things you do and the people you speak to?

Don’t tell people what you do, professionally. Good luck with that. It will always rear its head in conversation. So, don’t talk to people. Oh, that’s the whole point of the question. Again, good luck with that.

You can't escape who and what you are.  You can try to avoid it, but people will wonder why.  And, if you're a doctor, first responder, pastor, priest, chaplain, etc., you will always be the first to carry out your oath of service.  It is, after all, who and what you are.  Embrace it, and just let others know you're on sabbatical and want to relax... until there's an emergency.

“Detachment is ... Not lack of love, but a lack of dependency.
Not lack of passion, but a lack of attachment to permanency.
Not lack of security, but a lack of anxiety in uncertainty.”

-- Drishti Bablani

How is it okay not to be okay?

Define “okay” for yourself? Are you using the definition provided to you by family, friends, church, society, or some other screwed-up entity? Now, define what it means to you. Are you going with a definition provided by one of these “entities” because you feel the need to please, or because it is who you are? 

It isn’t okay to not be okay for yourself, and as long as you aren’t breaking any morally ethical laws, you shouldn’t feel a responsibility to meet anyone else’s definition, unless you choose to and, then, refer back to “morally ethical.”

What should I do? I’m sending my boyfriend money to fly here. I pay for the hotels and spoil him with gifts. He says he loves me but I feel used. Does he love me?

You’re asking the question, so you feel used. Stop spoiling him. If he distances himself, I don’t care how good the sex is, feel used. Hell, even if the sex is great, I’d still feel used. Is feeling used worth loving someone? Isn't love two-way? If you feel it’s not so much... feel used.

Who would you not give your life for?

I would not give my life willingly for anyone. If I’m given a choice to die in the place of “someone else”, “someone else” is going to be killed anyway because they’re a witness, and I’m dead anyway because they made the threat.

If I’m rescuing someone, I don’t willingly plan to lose my life, I plan to save theirs. In any scenario, I don’t ever plan to freely give up my life for anyone. I will fight tooth and nail, but if it happens it happens.

“Self-sacrifice? But it is precisely the self that cannot and must not be sacrificed.”

-- Ayn Rand

Do you ever lie to yourself to protect your ego?

I do, but I’ve taken enough psychology to let it pass. I usually laugh at myself and confront the truth. Ego’s just another way to say dumbass.

What are the criteria for making sense?

Are we making good sense, bad sense, or no sense whatsoever? It matters if we’re developing criteria. “Common” sense is coming back into vogue again, it isn’t good, but it is common. I’ve never witnessed so many people making bad sense and not having a cogent explanation for it. I mean, really. All lives don’t matter, abortions are commonplace, we don’t need police, and the vicious mob and I are going to burn your city to the ground because, well, who's going to stop us? The courts? They’re not even going to charge us. There is no “sense” when the world is insane, and there is certainly no criteria. That ship sailed.

Why should one limit something that has no limits?

You shouldn’t and, realistically, you can’t. You can limit it on paper, in your mind, convince others, but it is still without limits and now you look foolish.

“If you have sugarcane, you can make sugar or jaggery. You can't turn it into rice.  Accept the limits of your limited self so that your limitless inner self can take you to the rice field.”

-- Shunya

What was your excuse to finally get back with your ex?

I cannot make an excuse that wouldn’t sound absolutely stupid. The very idea is incomprehensible.

What are the steps to becoming a US president?

Alzheimer's is in there, somewhere.  I know, I'm not supposed to judge but... damn!  The President and Congress?  All is lost...

I recently went for a run and had people mock me. I can't understand why people are like this, especially when someone is doing something to better themselves?

It says more about them than about you. You're making a good choice.  Keep up the good workouts!

“You cannot control the behavior of others, but you can always choose how you respond to it.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Questioning Love (at the end)

 

“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”

-- James Patterson

How do unmarried elderly people with no children cope with loneliness, or are there people who are content being alone?

You assume unmarried elderly are lonely. I’ve known quite a few that are just getting their second wind. I’m 67 and plan on being one of them.

What's an example of finding another way to do something?

You can make better cornbread in an iron skillet, or you can make it in a baking dish. Sometimes finding another way isn’t necessarily the better way. Then, of course, there’s always the Kama Sutra.

Author's comment: Ha Ha! Wasn’t expecting you to end on that note.

My reply:  I tried not to, but I have no self-control.

Why am I not able to do well in my job when I am trying even harder, being embarrassed in front of all my colleagues?

You’re either trying too hard, or your job isn’t really your forte. Personally, I wouldn’t be worried about being embarrassed. I’d ask those above me for some constructive feedback.

“Change is like that: you are no longer where you were; you are not yet where you will get; you are nowhere exactly.”

-- Lionel Shriver

What is something that makes you cringe but is normalized in our society?

Sticking someone with a syringe. Needles don’t bother me as long as I don’t look. In the military, we got many inoculations. Never bothered me as long as I don’t look. It makes me tense up. Now, with COVID all over the news, we’re treated to arms getting stuck several times a day without notice, and during a meal. On the flip side, I was treated to a feminine razor commercial with a closeup of a woman shaving really close to her nether regions. We are getting bolder and bolder as to what we will show on media.

What's another word for "crisis"?

According to the White House? “Situation” is the word they use.

What is the difference between a wise person and a toxic person?

I’m not familiar with toxic people. I try to keep them at more than arm’s length. However, I find it hard to fathom a wise person could be toxic as wisdom would have taken care of the toxicity. If they are truly what they are, I think they’d be at opposite ends of a spectrum.

“A poor wise person is greater than a rich fool.”

-- Matshona Dhliwayo

How do you become more realistic about yourself?

I wore thick glasses most of my life. I was small… until I was average. You learn to deal with bullies. You learn to deal with pain. You learn the “psychology of survival” and then you join military intelligence. You learn to supervise, you learn to manage, and you finally learn to lead. In the process, you earn male pattern baldness and learn what beer can do for your belly. You get married, you have children, you retire and get divorced.  You lose everything. And then, you have an epiphany. You realize that none of this really matters. You can make intelligent conversation, you have a sense of humor, you have southern charm and personality taught to you by your mother. This is who you are, and the ladies eat it up.

You’ve learned to shoot automatic and semi-automatic weapons, and you’ve bought a few. Bullies are a thing of the past. You’ve made peace with life and forgiven all those who have wronged you. You look in the mirror and see a mature version of who you’ve become. You’re still thinning up top and the gut is more pronounced. You wear contact lenses and sport a well-trimmed, but greying, beard. You smile and the chaplain smiles back, one of the many faces of who you are, but it is what it is, and life is fine.

You don your “Retired Air Force” cap and head out the door for bourbon and cigars with the vets in town. No worries, especially about bullies. Somewhere during all this, you became realistic, not only about who you are, but what you are capable of in many circumstances. But, most of all, you have become capable of striving to be happy always, and this is a good thing.

Can bringing someone down ever raise you up?

No, and it would be a sad reflection on who you are. Treat everyone, even your enemies, with some level of respect. If a person wants to feel raised up, they should do something selfless for the person they would bring down.

What are the best ways to attract people who serve your highest good?

I don’t need any assistance to retain my “higher good” in life. To attract others to serve it, would be self-serving, selfish, on my part. If they wish to tag along and serve themselves with what I do, they are welcomed to serve their own higheer good. Hopefully, others will learn from them and so on. If what you do is selfless and righteous, others will be attracted to your light without effort.

“We are custodians. We are stewards. Our actions are being watched by others around us. Someone is looking up to us as we take each breath. We can be just a grape or we can be the juice that offers simplicity, nourishment, and refreshment. Extract and empty your goodness. Pass it into the hearts of the people looking up to you. It will multiply beyond your highest good.”

-- Angie Karan

Have you ever felt like your life is like some kind of gigantic cosmic joke?

Every time I wash my “package.” Thanks for reminding me.

What does it mean if someone wants to ask you about social issues?

It’s been my experience on here that people will ask, but they really don’t want to know. They just set you up so they can be offended by your answer, which is fine. I’m used to the League of the Perpetually Offended and can usually tell when to expect a cogent response, or not so much. Hope for the best, but expect to go south.

What does absolutely everyone need that absolutely no one wants?

Winning the lottery? I’m not sure that one life hasn’t been made miserable from it. Be careful what you wish for.

"It's funny how everybody considers honesty a virtue, yet no one wants to hear the truth."

-- Unknown

 And, in the "unrequited love" category:

In college this girl wanted nothing to do with me, she would reject me and make fun of me, but now, I finished school, have a better job, car, everything, now she's asking me out what should I do?

Nothing. Sucks being her. 

My girlfriend has ignored my message for almost 24 hours, and active on social media disregarding it. Is she a jerk?

You called her your “girlfriend,” right? Well…

I have been hoping to get back with my ex-girlfriend for a year now. Why would this happen to somebody when it's almost impossible? How do I move on?

You might ask her. She certainly seems to have. I mean, it’s been a year now.

Is it okay to ask my girlfriend who certain guys are that go into her business?

Only if you don’t want a girlfriend. 

How can I achieve sincerity in a relationship?

You can achieve it, the real question is how do you know when you’ve lost it, or if you ever really had it? You have to find a significant other who has a strong sense of moral ethics, in particular, honesty, and then you have to be just as morally righteous. Good luck!

Are you an envious advisor? Why do some encourage people to stop gently reaching out to their ex-lover if the split was not due to either person being bad for the other (ceteris paribus)? Isn't it proving you truly love them if you keep trying?

Why would you stop reaching out if the split was amicable? The problem I see here is an unrequited love issue. You can still be friends, but his interests have moved on where yours are still pining for a love lost. Will he make a turnaround and realize the mistake? Maybe, but meanwhile, you are wasting some of your preciously short life in this realm waiting for something that may not happen. Stay friends and keep reaching out, but don’t stop living.

Author's comment:  While you give good advice. You make A LOT of assumptions about a person you don’t know. Maybe you are speaking in your experience. But the question is why do people tell others to “leave alone” someone who loves them and who they love even if the one person is being stubborn and rejecting them. I am not talking about showing up at the work…stalking or harassing. Just gently inquiring at different times..of course not forever..but after they burn out all their hope.

I have an idea that Only fakes pretend they don’t personally want someone who doesn’t easily give up love on them. Moving on quickly and not facing what is already there…doesn’t teach you anything in life. Why do anything, if you don't give your best?

My reply:  It is an opinion. Assumptions were made because no specifics were given about people I don’t know. To answer the question of why others do something, again, even more assumptions, and maybe judgments, would have to be made. And, you, yourself, proceed to make the assumption that "only fakes pretend."  If he's that important to you, then, by all means, give it your best.  All I'm saying is, hope for the best, but don't get blindsided by the worst.

Author's reply:  Well, see I wanted your personal reason (each answerer’s personal reason) for advising someone you DO NOT KNOW in such a manner. Why don’t people say “it DEPENDS if you split up with mutual feelings of love…however if you split due to cheating or something hard to forgive..”

My reply:  Neither person was at fault, according to you, so to assume a lack of animosity seemed reasonable. Given this, I see no reason why anyone would fault you for continuing to reach out. 

Author's reply:  Well, that’s the thing…. envy is real. Some people did not have their lover fight for them and so tell others not to fight for their lover. But this is mostly a psychological question. I ask to understand people and become aware… I know full well not all persons will respond honestly (sometimes they do it unknowingly).

I’m not stupid enough to take the advice of strangers if I haven’t given them all the details.

Also, I know some people have lazy mentalities, as to why their first answer is “give up”.

Note to the reader:  The "bait" was in the first question.  She was already primed to rip me up no matter what I said.  I nibbled to let this play out, here, to show that answers to questions are, sometimes, not as simple as they would seem. Attitudes and expectations run hand in hand with emotions, and I could have gotten a bit deeper into this with her, but I felt it was time to leave well enough alone.

“Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back... then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.”

-- Sarah Cross

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.