Suicide

 

So, you decide to end it all by jumping to your death from the 30th-story ledge of a highrise.  While you're falling, you do the math and figure the fall is about 300 feet, give or take.  You look at the concrete sidewalk just long enough to realize this might hurt, well, only for a split second, before your brains are splattered all over God's creation.  There is blackness, a bright light, and then you find yourself back on the 30th-story ledge you just left several seconds ago. What the... 

I don't think you've thought this through.

What if the problems you are trying to escape have morphed into your own personal hell on earth?  Jumping the first time made you wet and crap yourself.  Do you want to try it again?  Just maybe, life hasn't been all that bad.  You can try it again, but what if, when you find yourself back on the ledge the next time, you also find you've brought the piss and crap back with you.  You've "packed" your pants, and you're still alive.  Now you're a smelly suicidal idiot.  Oh, joy.

How about you take another path?  How about you deal with your issues and live a bit longer?  I mean, if you die and someone is the cause of this, they win... again.  Who will you hurt by killing yourself?  Probably, those that truly care that you live.  So, how is your death fair to them?  Why do you have to hurt them?  But, what do I know about this?  Well, there isn't much difference between jumping to your death or eating a bullet.  Either way, you solve nothing.  You make the cause of your death ecstatically happy, and you hurt all of those who cared about you.  Good for you!  Now you're a dead, selfish asshole that hurt people.

As a person of faith, I asked myself, how did I end up at rock bottom?  I fell, hard.  Then, I asked myself, what would take to climb back out?  I looked up, and I wept for a couple of hours.  That happens when you know God is looking down on you, wagging that Godly index finger.  That was the night that changed my life.

My ex-wife wasn't worth my death, but my kids were certainly worth my life, and I would live it to the fullest.  I made the choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. I accepted the apology from my ex that I knew I was never going to get.  I forgave her and then I forgave myself.  

As I enter the 23rd year of choosing to be truly happy, I am also truly proud.  I'm proud of what I've accomplished in the past 22 years, and I think of what I almost didn't.   I think about the people I've known, my friends, my loves, my children, and my grandchildren, and all the people I have helped as a pastor, especially those in the PTSD unit when I volunteered as a chaplain at the medical center for several years.

Before you choose selfish stupidity over a selfless life, think about the 30-story ledge and a lifetime, or three, or four, of a personal hell on earth.  Oh, and look up.  He might be wagging His finger.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com