Questioning Nice, Liars, Support, Friends, and Playing

 

“Every time you mistreat someone, you reveal the part of you that lacks love and needs to heal.”

-- Kemi Sogunle

I used to be a really nice person. What I got was spit upon. So now I shut myself down. Is that normal?

So, you were a nice person around a crowd that had no appreciation for nice people. It sounds like you made a poor choice of “friends.” Instead of shutting yourself down, how about finding better people to hang with? You know, people who appreciate nice.

Why would my husband make me out to be the monster when he’s the one that cheated on me multiple times and still does already make me the monster? I’m the one in pain and it hurts really bad?

Shifting blame so his friends respect him. Have you considered divorce?

How do I seek revenge against nature for making me an Alabamian instead of a Tennessean?

Wrong target. Nature didn’t do this to you, your parents did. They could have very well settled down in Tennessee as well as Alabama. Nature keeps getting bad ink for other people's bad decisions. This is a familial problem, not nature’s.

Note to my readers:  The "Self-Hating Alabamian" upvoted my answer.  God bless you, son. 

What are some ways I can serve and please my Mistress?

Big mistake, here. You should be asking her, not us. She is the mistress. I look terrible in women's leather.

How do you deal with selfish adults who ask for things from you whether small or bigger and can’t say thank you, and act entitled to your assistance?

Ignore them. If all they do is use you, walk away from them. They are entitled to your middle finger, that’s it. Not even a thank you? I’d laugh in their face a walk away. They’ll get the message.

“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.”

-- Daniel Goleman

How do you manage expectations and disappointment around people who can’t show up reliably? Are you allowed to ask for more accountability?

You are allowed to not use them. They don’t show up reliably, so what good is asking for “accountability” going to do for you? It won’t make them more reliable. Not using them, on the other hand, sends a message. If you expect reliability, find people who are reliable and you won’t have to waste your precious time asking for accountability.

When a moral assessment is made, what must be assessed besides the action?

The intent?

Does competition inherently create winners and losers, or can it be reimagined to promote mutual growth and shared success?

Competition is competing. When you compete there is a winner, a loser, or a draw. In any competition, there is mutual growth through experience. There will be shared success as the competitors both live through the competition. But there will always be a winner as, even in a draw, one will get more out of it than the another. It is what it is - competition.

What are some disadvantages of not thinking carefully before taking action?

Failure, injury, damage, and there is the possibility of not making the deadline.

Why is it so hard for people to be honest? There is being cruel and there is being honest. When did honesty become a bad thing?

And, there is cruel honesty. It becomes a bad thing when the person you are honest with is crushed by your honesty. And, who gives someone the right to judge? Perhaps their “honesty” is flawed at the time. Someone is a lousy guitar player, and you tell them they really suck. They give up the guitar, not knowing, a few years in the future, they will hit their stride and become a country music success story.  The "judge" sucks, not the guitar player.

“The truth only hurts when you want to believe a lie.”

-- Jennifer McVey

What does not wanting to give someone a single chance say about me? (This is not about dating, it's in general).

You are judgmental. Something about them put’s you off.

Is it true that bullying happens generally out of jealousy?

I suppose that is a reason. I was bullied because I was small and an easy target. The bullies were from well-to-do families, sports figures, bigger than me, and had hot girlfriends. I’m not certain what I had to be jealous of. They stopped bullying me when I started embarrassing them in front of their girlfriends for picking on smaller people instead of people their own size. I started standing up for others and got my ass beat a few times before they got the message that what they were doing was cowardly, especially when there was more than one of them.

When and how should I start a sexual relationship with my daughter?

That is wrong, whenever you do it.

What would make an atheist angry at a person of faith?

Tell them they have “faith” in their conviction. For some reason that just pissed off a group of atheists when I wrote it. The ignorance of not understanding that faith is simply a belief in something with little or no proof was astounding. I think I tripped into a meeting of the League of the Perpetually Offended. Nothing I could say was going to be right.

In a society without a ruling class, who would be in charge?

You can call them anything, but, those in charge, regardless, would be the ruling class.

“History teaches us that all ruling elites try to portray themselves as the natural and durable social order, even ones that are in serious crisis, that threaten to devour their environmental base in order to continually recreate their hierarchical structure of power and privilege. And all ruling elites are scornful and intolerant of alternative viewpoints.”

-- Michael Parenti

What are some of the red flags to avoid when choosing a guy?

They’re a “player.” They are mean to people. They are argumentative. They have trouble with law enforcement. They have no prospects, no job, and seem not to like work. They avoid you. They have a “social” disease. You have to work to be with them.

When they say, "Oh it isn't such a bad place", how do you set them straight?

List, for them, the negative aspects.

Why do people disrespect those who have no money?

I greatly respect those who work, but they can’t seem to get a leg up. They probably need to get a handle on their cost of living and their debt, but at least they are working. I have little respect for able-bodied people who freely choose to be dregs in society.

I'm a citizen of the world. Why do people keep judging and thinking one must be from a specific place, ethnically and genetically? I'm sick of this.

People judge. It isn’t right, especially when they have so much more baggage than others, but it is what they choose to do. Learn to ignore ignorance.

How do you not be a victim when you are a victim?

I was bullied in school by some bigger kids. I was small for my age which made me a target. I became a victim. You have to fight back if you don’t want to be a victim. I'd had enough, at one point, and picked up a tree branch and almost beat a bully to death, if my friend had not pulled me off them. From then on, I voluntarily got my ass kicked by standing up for others. The novelty of kicking my ass soon wore off as I found that embarrassing the bully in front of everyone, including their girlfriend, was easier for me than fighting back. The pen is, indeed, mightier than the sword.

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

-- Elie Wiesel

What are the best 10 lessons you teach a liar?

You know. Everyone else knows. No one will ever believe them again. They will be ostracized. They will lose friends. If it concerns work, they will lose their job. If it concerns the rule of law, they may do jail time. If it concerns finances, they may do jail time. It is better if they are just honest always.

Will mankind always have war?

As long as mankind has greed, there will be war.

I come from a rich family, but my boyfriend does not. My family might be against our marriage but I really feel like he’s hardworking and capable of taking care of me. Should I reconsider getting married to him?

I’m sorry, I thought this was your life, not your family’s. So you are okay with sacrificing your own happiness at the drop of the familial hat? Well, God bless you. I think it’s pretty stupid, but, again, God bless you, doll.

What would happen if your husband put the house under his brother's name?

Time to pack and get out of Dodge… now! 

Why should I be moral if it doesn't benefit me?

If you’re looking for benefits, there is no reason why you shouldn’t die young. Lie, cheat, steal, kill, and screw till you contract AIDS. Karma loves this attitude, not that karma doesn’t already have enough on its plate. But, no matter, it will benefit the rest of humanity to lose one more immoral soul to karma.

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

-- Marcus Aurelius

What life hacks would you give to somebody struggling with loneliness and passive disrespect regularly, who's surrounded by an unsupportive family and hasn't been able to create a support system?

Make your unsupportive family jealous. Get out and make some friends so you can respect yourself for the effort you put into doing it. If the family offers no support, then find your own support, probably with the new friends you made. Life hacked. It is your life, go out and live it.

How does a friendship with someone who demonstrates honesty and manipulation look? How does honesty cope with manipulation?

As long as they’re honest with everyone about their manipulation, there’s no real harm.

In your opinion, can the 'principle of collective responsibility' be legitimate in certain situations?

In socialist or communist regimes, I can see it. In any free country, there would be a mass exodus. I know I wouldn’t stand for that bullshit. The responsibility falls on the manager and supervisor. They should be firing and rehiring so the workforce is robust and capable.

How can you question a delegate?

Respectfully.

What is the definition of a "loser" or "failure"? What are some things that can make someone a "loser" or "failure"?

Someone who falls, and doesn’t get back up. A lack of perseverance can make someone a loser. You can find 10,000 ways that don’t work before you find the one thing that allows you to attain your goal.

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

-- Thomas A. Edison

I crave making friends but am afraid to initiate because I think they don’t like me. What do I do? I just feel like a burden.

Stop “thinking” and start doing. Making friends can be a crapshoot. Sometimes to win and sometimes not so much. The burden is on the potential “friend” to accept you. You have no burden. You have put yourself out there for people to see. If they aren’t interested, you are their loss. Go find others that have better taste or, more to the point, are more mature.

How’s everyone doing mentally, truthfully? There’s a lot happening in the world at the moment. How’s your day-to-day been?

I’m doing pretty good, considering we have no borders and the President is hell-bent on destroying my country.

How do I achieve the perfect mix of humility and confidence?

Twenty years ago, when I was 50, I went through a nasty divorce. I lost everything, including my children. I was contemplating ending it all. Instead, I made the conscious choice to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. This is what it took for me to find the "perfect mix" of humility and confidence - a choice.

I think living most of your life thinking things are fine, getting slapped into the dirt, climbing out of the pit of misery, and then making a choice to be always truly happy, can steer you toward the perfect mix. But, you have to live life in order to find it.

Is it fun to ask stupid questions on [this site]?

The “go-to” is, there is no stupid question. However, in the back of almost everyone's mind, it isn’t the question that’s a tad ignorant.

What is the difference between being expressively confident and being cocky, and how does each individual's disposition contribute to their perception of another?

I really don’t think there is much difference between saying, “Don’t be cocky,” and, “Don’t be expressively confident.” If you’re cocky. you’re expressively confident. Both can get you into trouble… if you’re wrong.

A person’s “disposition” can definitely change how they see another person. If you’re angry, for example, the chance you want to hear a calming voice is pretty minimal, and if you think you’re “right” what are the chances you’re willing to hear contrary opinions that say you’re wrong?

“Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It's the sure-footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life. ”

-- Ann Landers

What is the best way to play hard to get with someone without being mean?

Don’t be mean. Pretty simple. Don’t even act mean. If you all know the game is “playing hard,” then this is understood. If it isn’t understood, maybe everyone needs to come to an understanding before you start. Playing is playing, and everyone should be on board with that, or don’t get involved. 

What are some ways to keep a leader morally grounded?

Yeah. Vote for someone who isn’t already corrupt, and then don’t let them circulate with politicians. Yeah, I know. Good luck with that. 

Can a person be arrogant and not know it? If so, how?

If you want to convey the truth, you may not know that the way you speak the truth comes across as arrogant to the liar you’re addressing. But, this is to be expected, as the liar knows they could be caught and should be ready with their “kneejerk” reaction to take offense.

How do you know if sarcasm is real or not?

It really doesn’t matter. Whether the speaker is aware of it, or not, sarcasm is sarcasm. However, if they don’t realize they’re being sarcastic, it can make it even funnier for the audience. 

Could sarcasm be misapplied because it affirms instead of negating a real-world situation?

If “sarcasm” is misapplied and affirms instead of mocks, then it wouldn’t be seen as sarcasm, regardless of the speaker's intent.

"Definition: Sarcasm is the caustic use of words, often in a humorous way, to mock someone or something."

-- Wikipedia

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com