Questioning Feelings, Selfishness, Understanding, and Acceptance

"The truth is that killing innocent people is always wrong - and no argument or excuse, no matter how deeply believed, can ever make it right.  No religion on earth condones the killing of innocent people; no faith tradition tolerates the random killing of our brothers and sisters on this earth."

-- Feisal Abdul Rauf

Why am I not sure how to feel about my girl?

Maybe she isn’t your girl.

I truly failed to accomplish almost all my objectives until 32. I feel awful. What do I do?

Be exceedingly happy that you did more than most people can claim. They will be still working on this life into the next and, most probably, the next, as well.

What do you do when you don't feel enough courage?

I retreat, until the bourbon kicks in.

Why can't I make myself happy? I compose and play piano, keyboard, guitar, drums, and flute. I'm a bicyclist. I try everything.

Try being happy. Happiness, true happiness, is a choice. You make the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. Because you make the choice to always be happy, the happiness you feel is sustainable happiness. Nothing can deprive you of it, because it is a personal choice you have made for your life. Master Yoda says, there is no try, there is only do. Choose to be happy.

What are the things you truly value?

Family.

“It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards of measurement — that they seek power, success, and wealth for themselves and admire them in others, and that they underestimate what is of true value in life.”

-- Sigmund Freud

What lifestyle can one live with $200 million dollars?

If you’re 20 and expect to live until 80, you have to use the $200 mil for 60 years. This means that you can live an annual $3 1/3 mil lifestyle, all things being equal. There will be a lot of fiscal changes in 60 years, so be frugal.

If you have less than $9,000 in savings, what money moves should you make?

Take it out of savings and put it in an account drawing a better interest rate.

Is it okay to tell your parents generally what you honestly think about them?

If your own shit doesn’t stink, go for it. But, very few people see themselves in the obvious negative light. Understand you may be opening up the gates of hell when people see the pot calling the kettle black. Better to keep your dicey opinions to yourself.

How far down have you been before?

How sensitive does the trigger have to be?

How do I master “acceptance”?

Make it your focus. Learn to be tolerant and understanding. “Acceptance” doesn’t mean you agree, it means you accept a person’s right to feel the way they do. “Acceptance” is your way of stating you reject the League of the Perpetually Offended, and are able to accept both sides of an argument, even though you might not agree. One might say it’s one step beyond tolerance.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

-- Lao Tzu

Why do we get hurt when we want somebody to meet our needs, but they are suffering and have needs of their own?

Maybe, because wanting someone who is suffering to meet our needs is selfish.

How do you balance the value of the length of life and the quality of that life?

As long as all things are equal, there is balance. But, the moment the quality of life takes a dive, the length of life loses its value. People dying in constant pain would be the first to hope life cuts them a break and ends their suffering. I’ve heard this many times in my position as a hospital chaplain.  One would think, with our view of abortion rights damning our society as a whole, that people wanting to die should be allowed to do so, and decrease the surplus population.  We murder babies but let those who suffer greatly continue to do so.  It makes sense only to the perpetually offended.

Is atheism to blame for all the world's problems?

The “League of the Perpetually Offended” are to blame for the lion’s share of the world's problems. Food for thought.

What makes pictures happy?

Smiling! Laughter! Having fun!

Does understanding everything to a certain degree mean you are evil or just extremely gifted?

Understanding has nothing to do with evil. What you do with the understanding might have much to do with evil. Either way, whether a philosopher or serial killer, you are extremely gifted.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

-- Marie Curie

What does it mean to uphold your values?

It means you will stand by your personal code of moral, and ethical, values regardless of the pain. Your values, and how you hold them in esteem, define who and why you are to those around you. Values can bend, but, unlike regulations, they aren’t meant to break.

Are narcissists in leadership positions dangerous?

I would think they are more apt to become dictators, than true leaders.

In what way does depression open the door to spiritual awakening?

You can learn much about yourself and life. My depression during my divorce, realizing she used me and never loved me, through 25 years of marriage, put me on the brink of suicide. I had lost everything but my physical life. Before you “pull the trigger” there is a chance to pull the plane out of the spiral. I had a true “spiritual” awakening. A voice in my head told me I was better than this, better than her, and that a better future awaited me. Any day on this side of the dirt is a great day to try correcting mistakes.

The human conscience is meant to play a positive role in our lives, but why do some people possess bad conscience and feel normal (not bad) for their wrongs?

There must be balance, the universe demands it. If there was no light in the dark, we would not understand the difference.

What encouraged your goodness?

After my messy divorce, I wanted to feel good about myself. I had lost everything. I made the conscious choice to find a selfless outlet where I could help people. I found that, in helping to feed the poor, I could also help myself to understand their plight and fill a void in my heart. It solidified the philosophy behind my ministry and helped me to move forward on several levels. I have been an advocate of selfless giving ever since.

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

-- J.R.R. Tolkien

What would you do if someone you rely on failed you?

Relying on someone is a recipe for disaster. Better to learn to rely on yourself, this way you know who to blame when things go wry. Relying on others is a choice we make. By making this choice, it is our fault when they don’t come through, not theirs.

Would you consider yourself a talented individual? If so, then why?

I spent almost 23 years in the Intelligence field, and not only survived but thrived. I must be talented or it would have chewed me up and vomited me out on some 4th world sidewalk.

Which internal question or conviction drives your life and makes you want to get up every day?

I rise each morning and thank God for the “gift” of another day in paradise and another chance to excel in life. Make the most of what you’ve been gifted, or your life is exactly what you haven’t made of it. My conviction is to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. Attaining anything without being truly happy is simply a waste.

Do you believe that most people who are considering a divorce think about how their own personal finances will be affected before making a final decision?

I absolutely did. My desire for real happiness pushed any other thought from my mind. I never looked back. It was the best decision I ever made and I recovered financially in a couple of years.

Is there anything positive to take away when someone says trust no one, but yourself?

Only if you happen to be trustworthy.

“But I think that because they trusted themselves and respected themselves as individuals, because they knew beyond doubt that they were valuable and potentially moral units -- because of this they could give God their own courage and dignity and then receive it back. Such things have disappeared, perhaps because men do not trust themselves anymore, and when that happens there is nothing left except perhaps to find some strong sure man, even though he may be wrong, and to dangle from his coattails.”

-- John Steinbeck

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com