More on Growing Old (Updated from the original, posted 1/29/2014)

 

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”

-- Linda Grayson

These three couples are having a great time.  Looks like sunshine and maybe a beach are involved.  Well, maybe the young lady on the left is having issues but, in general, a good time seems to be the order of the day.  The day would be somewhere in the vicinity of Biloxi, Mississippi, around 1951.  I know this because the two people in the middle are my parents and the guy on the right is my dad's "cumpare," his best friend, Jay; I knew him, later, as "Uncle Joe."  The three of them were stationed at Keesler Air Force Base, together.  I was born there.  Mississippi is Africa hot in the summer, hence, no shirts.

Jay Manning became a comedian, after the service.  He and comedian-actor Herb Edelman were friends back in the day.  Dad and Jay remained close friends until the late 1960's when Jay just up and left; disappeared off the face of the earth.  There was no explanation and no goodbyes.  One minute here, the next gone.  His life seemed to mirror his marriages.

Dad passed in 2019, at the age of 88.  Mom is still kicking, but I wonder if everyone else in the photo is still here.

"As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do." 

 -- Andrew Carnegie

Have you ever watched older people? Older than my dad's age, that is; he would take umbrage at someone calling him old. But, I mean, have you really watched them? Not just acknowledging they're there as you move on to something else, more interesting. Try taking a moment every now and then to study them. You have to be coy about it, especially if they're women. I've found much older women have this sense they're being watched. You can be looking at their back, for a moment longer than common courtesy would allow, when you hear, "Is there something I can help you with young man?" There is nothing more humiliating than choking out a "No, ma'am," as your innocent act dies a painful death.

Given the opportunity, I would recommend checking out the fruit or meats section in the supermarket as a good place to study older folks. Watching an older lady choose fruit is like watching a fine-tuned machine; a ballet of facial features and digital dexterity a surgeon would kill for, as they pick through a mountain of fruit with a frail hand, looking for a likely candidate. They gently lift and squeeze, ever so slightly, so as not to bruise the interior meat. They close their eyes as they bring the possible treasure to their nose for the final "sniff" test. The verdict is easily determined by the slight smile of triumph. Of course, there might also be the almost imperceptible sneer of disgust as the fruit is returned to the mountain as she mines the mound for another.

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. ASt age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all." 

 -- Ann Landers

Getting caught, by older people watching, is particularly common due to the fact that watching seems to be what older people seem most adept at. They'll sit in a park for hours, feed the squirrels, and watch the parade of differing life go on around them. I think they fake the "crotchety ol' fart" stuff just to have some fun at our expense and have some anecdotes to tell their friends over a coffee the next morning. 

Most elderly people, I have met in passing, have been engaging encyclopedias of little-known histories, and most people, my age today, were so eager to hear them you had to ignore our pleas for help. Young people nowadays seem too wrapped up in their own personal bullshit to care or even notice the elderly as anything more than a bothersome bump on their path. Young people miss much history, lived by people who were there.

"Small children will talk to anyone, once the guard of shyness has fallen, and they have, like the elderly, a sense of immediacy, a need to say or do something, now, now, the minute it is thought of, combined with that other sense, of the complete irrelevance of time." 

 -- Susan Hill

And, why is it that young people seem to always feel they need to give old people advice?  Is it that old people actually listen to it?  Personally, I believe the old people listen because they think the act is precious and are just happy some young person is giving them the time of day, as well as another funny anecdote to tell over a coffee the next morning.  

I always like to watch the facial expressions of the elderly, especially their eyes, as they complain about the aches and pains of their, currently, hard life, having to get up to piss four times a night, the baby food served at the cafeteria for lunch, and forgetting why they walked into a room or that their reading glasses are on their head.  

I think most of the "complaining" by the elderly is just bullshit they throw out as bait to see if someone bites.  The eyes usually give them away.  They're like an old house.  The outside of the structure might be ancient and weathered, with peeling paint and a rickety porch but, every now and then, the high wattage lights come on inside with an imperceptible click of the switch.  Old?  Like a fox!

I think I'll enjoy being old.  I like feeding birds and watching people.  I've done both, for most of my life.  And, classic poetry.  People need to read more classic poetry.

When You Are Old

"When  you are old and grey and full of sleep,

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true,

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,

Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars."

-- W.B. Yeats

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com