Questioning Ethics & Happiness

"Happiness, whether consisting in pleasure or virtue, or both, is more often found with those who are highly cultivated in their minds and in their character, and have only a moderate share of external goods, than among those who possess external goods to a useless extent but are deficient in higher qualities."

-- Aristotle (384-322 BC), philosopher

Why do you think you deserve to be successful in life?

Nobody “deserves” to be successful in life. Success comes from hard work and a single-minded desire to succeed. Having said this, however, I have known those who have abused others to get where they are. Did they deserve their success? I don’t think so. True success must be accomplished with ethical behavior. Only from there can you move forward on your path.

What makes you happier, good deeds or money?

Good deeds! Money can’t buy true happiness. The “happiness” money buys is fleeting. It is better that you should do good deeds and strive to be happy always. Life is all about what you give back, not so much about what you get.

How do you convince someone of an idea the person considers foolish?

Bring the idea to fruition. But, don’t gloat when you do. Leave them with a modicum of respect to learn from.

“Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else ... Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.”

-- Hermann Hesse (1877-1962), poet, novelist, painter

Why can't I get over my past? I want to go back in time and fix situations. I just wish that were possible.

If the situations can be “fixed” then do so in the present. The past is a memory you need to learn from. The present is the time you have to make things right. The future rests on the choices and decisions you make from all of those mistakes you learn from. What is possible is that which happens moving forward.

What are some useful techniques for understanding the world through someone else's eyes, when we have so many of our own preconceptions and deeply held beliefs?

The only technique is to let go of your own preconceptions and deeply held beliefs in order to open your mind to the understanding of their world. Understanding does not necessarily mean “acceptance” of what you learn. What you learn, however, can change your preconceptions and help you question your beliefs. Questioning what we think and believe can strengthen us in ways we might not have imagined. It will assist us in understanding our life now and our lives to come.

Why am I always the one giving? I never receive. Why am I ever the one asking, “Are you okay?” I never get asked that. What should I do?

Nothing. Are you concerned because you want that concern returned, or are you selflessly concerned for the welfare of others? You need to understand this before you can begin to move forward.

“It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so 'don't fuss, dear; get on with it'.”

-- Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993), actress, humanitarian 

Do you think it would be better if everyone minded their own business or would it be a disaster if everyone did?

Minding your own business is more about keeping your opinions to yourself. We can’t just go about with blinders on or we might get blindsided by things we don’t see coming. We need to be cognizant of the world around us, but we also need to use some good sense about when to insinuate ourselves into the business of others.

What is it called when you think of something and then it happens?

Precognition.

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." — Benjamin Franklin. What do you make of this statement?

If you constantly wash your hands and wear your mask, you probably won’t run the risk of contracting COVID and spending a few months in the hospital or dying from it.  But the quote was really referring to fire safety.

"In the first Place, as an Ounce of Prevention is worth a Pound of Cure, I would advise 'em to take care how they suffer living Coals in a full Shovel, to be carried out of one Room into another, or up or down Stairs, unless in a Warmingpan shut; for Scraps of Fire may fall into Chinks and make no Appearance until Midnight; when your Stairs being in Flames, you may be forced, (as I once was) to leap out of your Windows, and hazard your Necks to avoid being oven-roasted."

-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), polymath 

What constitutes wisdom?

I could write a lengthy explanation, but the definition is better:

"The quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise. The soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment. The body of knowledge and principles that develops within a specified society or period."

Basically, if you learn from your mistakes and pass on that knowledge to others, you are passing on wisdom that only experience and age can impart.  If you are young and your "wisdom" is valid, you are "speaking with wisdom beyond your years."

Comment:  Knowing the difference between right and wrong, and always doing right?

My Reply:  Wisdom is about learning right from wrong. Occasionally you have to stumble and fall to learn and gain experience and the wisdom that comes from it.

Comment:  So it is about a never-ending journey?

My Reply:  There is a destination, but I, for one, hope the journey never ends.

How do you react to being looked down on? I didn't know how to swim and my friend roasted me for being able to swim at this age. Shall I prove them wrong or get upset?

Tell your “friend” to go screw themselves. No one can look down upon you but you, and if you let people like this affect you this is exactly what you’re doing, looking down on yourself. Ignore idiots like this and strive to be happy always. It might require finding better friends.

What's a good way to handle scrutiny?

Don’t have a reason for anyone to scrutinize you. Life is all about making good ethical choices and decisions. If you do this you will have no worries. If you are worried, best to find out why are be prepared to explain yourself. I have found the truth is usually the best explanation.

“At the heart of science is an essential balance between two seemingly contradictory attitudes--an openness to new ideas, no matter how bizarre or counterintuitive they may be, and the most ruthless skeptical scrutiny of all ideas, old and new. This is how deep truths are winnowed from deep nonsense.”

-- Carl Sagan(1934-1996), astronomer, cosmologist, astrophysicist, astrobiologist, author

Why does a guy with a girlfriend want attention from another girl?

Insecurity. He’s probably looking for validation that “he’s all that.” Unfortunately, his actions prove he isn’t.

What should I say in a "thinking of her" card to a sweet, caring, ex-girlfriend from years ago, who is married with kids now? I really need her to come back to me.

Nothing.  You really need is to let this go and move on. 

Author's Comment:  I know, but it is tough. I really loved and cared about a lot, she kept my heart warm and fussy. I royally screwed up with her. I am kicking myself, I should of people that we were engaged. I didn’t She was a very sweet caring girl. I screwed it up. Now she is married with kids. I just want to talk to her again, work things out again. She knows that I still want to talk to her and work things out again. I missed her a lot. 

My Reply:  It will never be what you want it to be. Bad choices and decisions are the insidious mistakes that haunt us, forever in the shadow of our past. Better for you to close the door and move on. Dwelling here will only cause your mind to fester.

And, he just can't let it go...

Author's Reply: I did move on a little bit, but now I would like to talk to her again and rekindle our relationship and enjoy our life together. She might not be married anymore, I would help her with her kids. I missed her a lot.

My Reply: Then, send her a Christmas card wishing her a joyous season. If she doesn’t respond, move on.

Are humans likely to grow out of their need for regular social interaction at some point?

I certainly hope not! How boring would that be?

“Chronically awkward people can feel like everyone else received a secret instruction manual at birth titled "How to be Socially Competent." For the awkward person, this dreamy manual would provide easy-to-understand, step-by-step instructions on how to gracefully navigate social life, avoid embarrassing faux pas, and rid oneself of the persistent anxiety that comes with being awkward.”

-- Ty Tashiro, author, social scientist

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as a chaplain at the regional medical center.