Questioning Ego, and Other Stuff

 

“Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos. That is the way we all see ...each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition-- all such distortions within our own egos-- condition our vision of those in relation to us. Add to those distortions to our own egos the corresponding distortions in the egos of others, and you see how cloudy the glass must become through which we look at each other. That's how it is in all living relationships except when there is that rare case of two people who love intensely enough to burn through all those layers of opacity and see each other's naked hearts.”

-- Tennessee Williams (1911-1983), playwright

What kind of material things make you more popular, and which do not?

I’ve never relied on material things to make me “popular” among my friends, as we are friends for deeper reasons. As far as being popular with others, I suppose they’d have to take me the way I am. What I had when I was young always made me self-conscious. I was not a braggart. My parents were well off, but they worked hard to get there. Everyone thought I was a “spoiled” child, yet I also was made to work for what I had. I wanted my friends to like me for me.

Why are you so important?

I am a legend in my own mind. In reality, I am no more important than anyone else. I fear those who really have the feeling that they are more important than others. They are more in love with their importance than anything else. Politicians tend to become this. They tend to forget who they serve at the pleasure of, and our laws allow it to continue for a career. My importance is driven by my abilities, and that importance is assigned by others, not by me. Humility at all times - this makes a good leader.

When did you accept defeat too early?

Before I even started playing chess. I thought I could learn it. Nope. I finally came to the conclusion of most of the guys in the high school chess club - I suck at chess. Poker, on the other hand…

“Defeat is for the valiant. Only they will know the honour of losing and the joy of winning

I am not here to tell you that defeat is a part of life: we all know that. Only the defeated know Love. Because it is in the realm of love that we fight our first battles – and generally lose.

I am here to tell you that there are people who have never been defeated.

They are the ones who never fought.

They managed to avoid scars, humiliations, feelings of helplessness, as well as those moments when even warriors doubt the existence of God.’’

-- Paulo Coelho, author, "Manuscript Found in Accra" 

Can anyone give me a compliment?

You asked a very straightforward question. Tada!

My boyfriend of 7 years passed away, but his family doesn't like me. How do I deal with it?

Why do you care? This is their loss, not yours. Your loss was your boyfriend. You were with him because of who he was, not because of them. You are a part of him that they’ve decided, for whatever reason, they want nothing to do with. How sad is that for them? They will never know his passionate side that you are so familiar with. You can’t force them to like you, but you can always be there if they choose selflessness over their poor attitude. 

Why do people whisper to each other in your face?

Why do people whisper to you when you’re the only two people in the building at night? Both situations play to the intelligence of the people involved?  If they're whispering about you, that's just rude.

“If something bad smells in the basement, it will eventually make its way to the attic.”

-- Anthony Liccione, author, poet

I texted my girl "I love you" and her reply was "how can I believe that". What should I text her to make her believe me?

Ask her. She seems to be the one in question.

What is the best way to deal with money with a partner?

Everything is 50/50, the bills and, if in business together, the profits. Oh, and get a legal contract to that effect.

What is it called when someone only says bad things about someone else, even if they are not as bad as they seem?

Poorly judgemental. First of all, as usual, the accuser seems to have more issues than the accused. This speaks volumes. Personally, I tell them to shut up and go look in a mirror, but that would be judging them.  I'd let them know how you fee, at any rate.

“Don't be quick to believe the bad things you hear about good people. Everyone has a story left untold.”

-- Majid Kazmi, author, entreprenuer

Is it okay to do things that other people think are abnormal if it makes you happy?

Hell yes! As long as it’s legal and doesn’t infringe on others, why not? Don’t let other opinions stop you from being happy always.

How can I calm myself quickly?

I do this constantly. I will spike in anger and then take a cleansing breath, let it out slowly, and find a reason to laugh about it. Nothing is important enough to get upset over. It is what it is and you being upset will not change it. Take a breath, then take a moment. Consider the incident, analyze it, ask why you’re upset, and move to either correct it or go on about your business. The point is, try to be happy always. 

He's romantic and very interesting in person, but why do his communications, when we're apart, seem distant and even rude?

I had to laugh at this because I’m like this. I have never been a big phone person. I really don’t like to text, or to email. I love face to face communication. Any other way and I keep it short and to the point, or will say very little. You called me, so the impetus is on you to do the talking. I don’t call people unless I absolutely have to. But, get me alone and I am all yours.

This coming from an avid writer, blogger, and author. Who would’ve thunk it?

“You can talk with someone for years, every day, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”

-- C. JoyBell C., author, poet 

Why do people so often confuse what is unknown with what is unknowable?

“Unknowable” is like saying “impossible,” and most things we say are impossible are usually found to be possible by someone who simply won’t give up on proving it. Scientists have started staying away from saying “impossible” without adding “at this time” to it. I think the same holds true for “unknowable” in that we need to add “at this time” to it. 

Whenever I start a new project, I imagine great, easy success. Am I longing for recognition more than the creating process even though I know it's unhealthy and vain?

When I start a new project, I imagine great and easy success, even though I know in my heart the project will be a pain in my ass. The only recognition I seek is my own, for a job completed and well done. Anyone else’s opinion is welcomed but not necessary. If you do projects or art for the accolades you do yourself a disservice. Do everything to the best of your ability, because it’s the right thing to do.

Which is the more important for life? Grades or connections?

For the most part, I think your grade reflects your ability, and the better the ability the better the connections. However, neither of these, grades or connections, are as important to life as happiness. Strive to be happy always and everything else, especially concerning your family, your heart, and your dignity, will work itself out. 

“One of the most important things you could actually do in life is to create the best of yourself, to create your ideal self.”

-- Sunday Adelaja, pastor

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as a chaplain at the regional medical center.