Questioning Your Gut, Love, Hypocrites, Happiness, and Denial

"I doubt, therefore I think,

therefore I am"

-- René Descartes

How does a person know if they deserve to be roundly disliked if they really are clueless as to why they'd be disliked?

They might not know. This is why it is incumbent on others to clue them in that they’re acting inappropriately. We do this very occasionally at my favorite cigar bar. Most of us are military veterans, so we know how to act in public… and how to take a hint.

What made you think you were you?

I think, therefore I am. I have a valid history. The Air Force vetted me for an Intelligence position. Everyone else is taken, so who else would I be?

Assuming my current opinions (on an issue) are valid and meritorious, what (cognitively) inhibits me from (adopting) a different point of view, which may be of equal legitimacy? Why might I even refrain from looking for an alternative perspective?

If you are a seeker of truth, and you hear evidence of possible legitimacy, though it may be a different view, it is incumbent on you to keep an open mind and consider the other viewpoint. If, however, you have a closed mind to other possibilities, then you will ignore alternative perspectives.

Should you always "go with your gut"?

Not if your brain has more valid information. The “gut” is fine when information is dicey.

How do I approach other people if I want to make new friends at a bar?

Do not ask the young lady how much she charges. Ask her if you can buy her a drink. Introduce yourself. Play pool, shuffleboard, or darts. Initiate conversations with folks. Be friendly.

"barfly n. You have the ability to talk to anyone which is an ability I do not share."

-- David Levithan

People say "just be kind" but if you are always kind to awful people, won't this only enable their behavior?

Being kind to “awful people” might mean sitting them down and being the only honest person to tell them they act awful.

I'm 28 and I feel so lost in my life. How do I find myself?

First of all, you aren’t lost. You know where you are. Second, you need to strive for true happiness always in your life and in everything you do, regardless of your circumstances or feelings. Now that you’re truly happy in life, regardless of your circumstances, you can look in the mirror and give yourself a big smile. There you are. You’ve found yourself. Now, go find something constructive to do that you will enjoy, or selflessly help someone. There is something about work that you really enjoy, or selflessly helping others, that defines who and why you are.

What are the most important qualities of a successful student?

A modicum of Intelligence, and good study habits.

Can a person love someone who has had many partners?

Not any more than you can love someone who wants many partners… unless watching them together turns you on. Trust is a big player in relationships, and unless they plan on proving to you that they’re ready to settle down, they are just another date to have fun with.

What are some tips for making someone notice you when shopping?

Raise an eyebrow and smile at them.

“You should know that it is very easy to get people's attention and there are many ways; but trying not to attract people's attention, that's a difficult art because no matter what you do, someone will still notice you!”

-- Mehmet Murat ildan

Why would a person say they're so happy to see me and then tell me I'm annoying after we talked?

They really weren’t happy to see you, they were just being cordial. I’d be asking them why they think I’m so annoying.

What is your opinion on looking at someone while they shop? Do you think it is creepy or not?

It can be creepy. It can be more creepy if you are massaging your “package” while looking.

How do you explain to someone that they're experiencing a different version of events than you did, even though you both have the same perspective?

If your explanation is a different version than theirs, you both have a differing perspective of the events. Once you explain what you witnessed, they will explain their version, and you will both know that what you both witnessed is different. 

How can you tell if someone has experienced the same thing as you?

Chaffing on their wrists might be a tell.

What does it mean when someone says "there was never meant to be anything between us"?

The relationship is over. Suck it up and walk away, before you waste even more effort.  If you just had a few drinks, or dinner, tell them it was fun while it lasted.

"Not a word passes between us, not because we have nothing to say, but because we don't have to say anything."

-- Khaled Hosseini

Whose job is it to make me happy? Most people think their personal happiness is the responsibility of other/s, is it? Does independence mean happiness or does dependence mean happiness?

Most people are idiots. If you want to be truly happy it is up to you to make that happen. No one is responsible for your ultimate happiness. It is your life, not theirs. Most people have enough on their plate without supporting you, as well. They will attempt to do it, hoping to make you happy, because they’re idiots. I am not responsible for you any more than you are responsible for me. People that understand this, might need a “hand-up,” if you’d like to help, but they certainly don’t need a handout. Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. It is a choice you must make.

What are some positive thoughts to take the place of negative thoughts?

If you’re replacing negative with positive, then just reverse your negative thoughts into positive ones. If it’s bad, make it good. Is this another one of those trick questions?

Have you ever had to forgive someone for something that was very difficult to let go of?

Yes. Hate was eating at me. I had never really hated anybody in life, but, at 47 years of age, my wife informed me that she had never loved me. She was using me as an escape route from her parents and home life. One would think she could have told me this before I wasted 25 years of my life with her. It explained 25 years of hell. I made the conscious choice to accept the apology I knew I was never going to get from her. I was willing to let karma takes its course. I strive, daily, to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. I have been “living in sin” and truly happy for the past 17 years. 

What are the values that never condemn anyone?

Discussion and understanding, agreeing to disagree, and having an open mind.

What is the difference between selfishness and rebellion?

Selfishness is when you want something and don’t want to share it. Rebellion is when you are told you can have only this, but you’re willing to fight for something better. Rebellion is selfish when it only benefits you and not the greater good of society.

“I hold it that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical. Unsuccesful rebellions indeed generally establish the incroachments on the rights of the people which have produced them. An observation of this truth should render honest republican governors so mild in their punishment of rebellions, as not to discourage them too much. It is a medecine necessary for the sound health of government.”

-- Thomas Jefferson

What makes anyone quick to deny fault for letting every bad thing in life (corrupt politics among them) and their negative thinking affect how they live?

Lack of responsibility, denial, and shifting blame, they could be a narcissist, or on the road to becoming one.

I think with the use of common sense, we all understand the reason behind others’ behavior, but what is special about being a psychologist?

Psychologists step in because “common” sense isn’t that common anymore.

What is the importance of a positive mindset, and how can it help you become a winner in life?

Positivity is constructive in life, just as negativity is destructive. If you want to be a winner, why would you work so hard to be destructive to your life?

How do I tell a teacher that I won't do an assignment because it's about something personal and it is none of her business?

You have answered your question. Go tell her.

How do I deal with guilt and regret after having reacted impulsively toward an internet technician who was about to enter my room and didn't have it clean?

If your room wasn’t clean, then you need to be more responsible for cleaning it. Going off on a technician for your own shortcomings is a bit selfish. Either keep your room clean or understand that people will judge you by it. Either way, it is on you.

“Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.”

-- Audre Lorde

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com