On Becoming a Surrogate Father

 

"He passed at 4:44 pm Monday (yesterday)."

The following is the transcript of my conversation with a woman very dear to me:

"Having a pain and anxiety flare. My dad said yesterday that he thinks he's dying. I think he is too and I slept across 3 hard chairs at the hospital last night

I almost got kicked out of the hospital yesterday."

"I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I had three strokes to get ready for mine to pass. He changed a lot after the first stroke, so I figure he died for me, at that point. I still haven't grieved his loss. I just don't have it in me. I think he understands, though.

You're a good daughter to give what you are, though. I respect that."

"Thank you.  He's dying today."

"My sympathy, my prayers, and all my love. I am truly sorry."

"Thank you."

"He passed at 4:44 pm Monday (yesterday)."

"I am so sorry for you. I will send my prayers. Love you."

"I love you too.  Now you're my official dad."

"And, I am proud to accept the mantle."

And that, my friends, is how you become a surrogate father.  But, it is very costly where emotion is concerned.  I wept at her loss.  I wept at my gain.  From the far Northwest to the central Gulf Coast, the distance became a moot point.

I have known this young lady for, well, many years, now.  I have always loved her, and it has always confused me.  I was substantially older, not that it should make a difference, but, as pretty as she was, it wasn't all about that.  It was more about being a mentor and listening.  She thanked me, some time back, for helping her to be the woman she has become.  A few days ago, she reiterated those thanks and, once again, I was humbled.

Now, I have become what I always accepted I was to her, a surrogate dad.  When she had no one else, I was always here.  And, it looks like I will always be.  Now, I can claim my natural daughter and her two children, my son, and his significant other, and, now, another "daughter" that won't let me sidestep her, not that I would consider it.

People pass through our lives, and they move on.  Occasionally, they leave footsteps on your heart.  This young lady trampled all over mine, like a young child, and all I could do is laugh with her.  Now, in her time of grief, all I can do is cry with her.

I have always felt that, in some past life, I must have, somehow, let her down.  Perhaps I was her protector and she died on my watch.  It is my penance is to keep finding her, now and again, for whatever reason.  A "hell on earth" that I can live with.

As I approach my 70th birthday, I hope she will miss me when I pass through to the next great adventure.  I smile at the inevitability that we will, at some point, meet again.  Karma can be a bitch, but, this karma is very good.  Of my new "daughter" I can only say, she is a handful.

“When you hurt, I hurt all the same, blood is only blood, and a name is just a name.”

-- Lavinia Valeriana

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com