Questioning Perfectionism, Smiles, What, Depth, and Advice

 

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”

-- Anne Lamott

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A note to my readers:  I haven't updated the tree post information, lately, so here it is:  473,600 views and 6001 upvotes, to date, since I first posted it on March 30, 2022.  Still ranks as one of my most read.  For those who haven't had the pleasure:

Did you ever get a request for a favor from a neighbor who never showed any respect or interest in you or your family? What did you do?

The guy next door. He asked if he could cut down a rotting tree the raccoons use. Wanted to bill me $2000 for a $500 job. I told him not to touch it. He cut it down anyway, when I wasn’t around, then billed me $2000. My legal team, lawyers from Louisiana and Mississippi, both advised me to tell him to go f*** himself. You have to love Southern lawyers. I cleaned the language up and sent him a form letter concerning trespass, ignorance, and the fact that he wouldn’t be getting any money out of me. (Last lines have been updated) We don't talk, not because I'm not willing, but because he seems to think he's all that. He flies a Marine Corps flag. I know my share of Marines. My gun is bigger than his. So far, he leaves me unimpressed.

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How do I stop being a perfectionist? Why are people, perfectionists? Why am I aware that this mindset is dumb, but still believe it?

Understand that there is no such thing as perfection. The most anyone can hope for is excellence. The problem with perfection is that someone is always out there trying to be more perfect. More perfect? It makes no sense. Perfect is perfect. It can’t be more perfect.

God is supposedly perfect, but, doesn’t one have to consider Adam and Eve?

Why do people not desire higher intellectual goals instead of being instinctually enslaved stupefied dogs chasing exercises in futility without permanence?

They are, for better or worse, people. And, being people… explains it all.

How do I think deeply about something I don't believe in?

You need to approach life with an open mind, or you risk understanding nothing.

As an example, I don’t ascribe to the notion that there is no God, but I can “think deeply” to understand how people do. I choose to “pad my bet” by having faith that there is something greater than ourselves. An omnipotent force in the universe that created everything. For lack of a better word, we can call this force God.

Faith, of course, is a belief in something for which there is little or no proof. Neither atheists nor theists can provide any proof for their beliefs, so both have faith that they are right.

What do sore losers do?

Make excuses.

What is your opinion on the role of AI in our daily lives, and what are some ethical concerns that we should be aware of?

It can make our lives marvelous, if we consider the obvious:

Isaac Asimov's "Three Laws of Robotics"

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Why do big smiles trigger other people to be happy?

For the most part, yes. Laughing tends to make others laugh, as well, just as crying tends to make people sad. I strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. This tends to keep people around me happy, as well. If more people smiled and laughed, how much better of a world would we live in?

What time in your life did you realize no one was going to save you and you had to save yourself?

During my divorce, when I lost everything, including my children, and my right to be a caring father.

What if you could make all your problems disappear? If you knew your success was bound to happen, wouldn't you work for it? Why do you prefer to watch another episode than learn a new skill? Do you enjoy being miserable? Just ask yourself.

Problems are opportunities to learn, and learning is what life is all about Not understanding this can make some people miserable. The military taught me to wade into problems with my eyes wide open, correct the issues, and learn enough to teach others. There are no problems, just situations that need attention.

How are problems understood and solved?

Knowledge, ability, and perseverance.  

Was Thomas Hobbes right that people don't do good things unless they absolutely have to?

Thomas Hobbes sounds like an idiot that has no idea how selfless people can be by their own choice. People, for the most part, do good things because they want to, and not because they expect to get their act returned in kind.

“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It's more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.”

-- Gretchen Rubin

Why do some people greatly and successfully influence others?

They have a greater understanding of the way the mind works.

What was the boldest decision you ever made?

That’s a toss-up between marriage and joining the Air Force. The marriage didn’t work out and I wasted 25 years of my life. My Air Force career lasted for almost 23 years and was marvelous. The decision to join was due to the draft lottery for Vietnam, so I’d have to go with the decision to join rather than using my other head. 

When is the charge of hypocrisy unjustified?

When they aren’t being hypocritical.

Is the source of human morality based on reason and logic or emotion and intuition, and does the answer change based on the country of origin?

Reason and logic are based on a person’s understanding of facts, right or wrong. I think Donatien Alphonse François would agree that human morality has more to do with emotion and intuition than facts. But, I could be wrong. 

You are obviously jealous of somebody else's talent if you've suggested that the scientifically validated genocide of +5.6 billion people worldwide doesn't require any talent because the vast majority of witches can't do it. Do you agree or disagree?

What?

“I Gained My Wisdom, Answering Stupid Questions.”

-- P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

Why do some people consistently contradict things they’ve said previously without even realizing it?

This usually happens in politics. Representatives make promises they never even try to keep or vote against the things they promised to bring to fruition.

Does a question have to be deep to be good?

Any question is good if you seek knowledge… and you haven’t asked it more than once.

In what ways might self-reflection help a person gain greater insight into their behavior or attitudes toward life challenges?

If you ask the right question, you can discover much. You will gain insight if you ask “Why?” and answer it truthfully. Why things happen in life is usually caused by our own choices and decisions. For instance, why did the man run the stoplight and destroy your car? This is shifting blame. What you should be asking is, why did you choose to leave the house so early so you were in the intersection when the man ran the stoplight? He caused the accident, but you were there due to your choice. If we trace back to why things happen to us, we will usually find the answer has to do with us, our choices, and our decisions.

How does appreciation for life change as you get older?

Through their trials and tribulations, most older people have gained a greater understanding of life and what true happiness really means.

Why are human societies and nations so hard to well manage and organize?

Laws. We try to please everyone, by law, and you simply can’t please everyone always. So, when new leaders come into power, they tend to change what the previous leader did in order to please their own constituents. They bring with them their own cabinet members that fill positions of responsibility for several years until the next leader is elected, and we go through this all over again.

“In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

When people say "I don't want to compete", are they being competitive already? Are people who say this often the most competitive?

No. If they wanted to compete, the most competitive would jump at the chance.

Could you please give me advice on how to always prioritize my own needs without ever feeling guilty or selfish, and ensure I strike the perfect balance between taking care of myself and meeting the needs of those around me?

You should never let yourself feel guilty or selfish in taking care of yourself first. I always quote the airline safety brief to passengers: “Put on your oxygen mask first, before you help the passenger next to you.” how can you be effective in helping others if your dying along with them? Always prioritize your own well-being first, then go forth to selflessly and efficiently help others.

Have you known that bullies don’t like your own answers, opinions, ways, and/or beliefs?

This is why they’re bullies. They need a reason to be what they are, so everything you are sets them off.

I need to understand why some people thrive in the face of adversity while others crumble. Can you provide me with concrete factors that determine whether adversity can be a catalyst for personal growth or a trigger to decline?

A basic lack of understanding. Some people have been taught that problems in life are issues they have to deal with, and they are. Most of us, however, have forgotten that the purpose of life is to learn. Life presents us with opportunities to learn. These opportunities are “barriers” along our path, puzzles we are to figure out in order to learn and grow from. Those of us who understand this, learn to persevere, learn to thrive, in the face of adversity. If we choose not to, we stagnate our growth and move slower along our path in life. Some of us just “sit down” and go nowhere. 

Why do successful people openly lie about their success and try to scam people into believing BS advice they give that does not work or does not take into account every person's circumstances?

Greed.

“In this world, there are only a few things more available than gasoline: coffee, soda and beer. Oh, and bad advice.”

-- Foster Kinn

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com