Questioning Teams, Hope, Age, Action, and Thought

 

“You made me hate the person I was becoming—only because you wanted me to—and for that, you will never be forgiven.”

-- Ahmed Mostafa

Why do you think most relationships fail?

Poor communication. Communication starts when the relationship starts. If you do not have honest communication, what does this say about the relationship? You have immense fun together. Hooray! Get married! What?

No. “Fun” does not pay the bills. The fun lasts until one of you gets transferred but the other one doesn’t want to go. The fun lasts until the woman is pregnant and the man says, “Hey! You’re the mom.” Yeah, well, moron, you’re the father. The fun does not mean that you know each other, and neither does raucous sex till all hours of the morning. Good communication is how solid relationships work.

There comes a time, 25 years after the loveless marriage, that one finds they’ve been used but never really loved. Why? Poor communication. 25 years of living in hell due to poor communication. Been there and done this. My fault? I think not. I’ve been in another relationship for almost as long. Things are fine. We communicate.

When something is revealed to you to help you, should you be grateful or thankful?

You should be grateful, and, if you’re truly grateful, you should give thanks. Help always deserves our thanks.

What makes leaders fail in their leadership position?

When they don’t get rid of team members who have been counseled and are still not contributing. Training is one thing, but when you’re in the heat of battle, everyone needs to contribute or the business fails.

Why does an organization that cannot align its members fail?

Lousy management. Management should be able to “align” its members, or there is chaos.

What do I do when a team member is not contributing?

On a “team” everyone pulls their weight or the team fails. If the member has been counseled about their lack of teamwork, relieve them of their duty and find a contributing team member. There is no “I” in TEAM. If they are a detriment to the team, they are a detriment to whatever the team hopes to accomplish. Better to get rid of them as soon as possible.

“The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.”

-- Phil Jackson

How do you make a fair and proportionate judgment when understanding a political statement?

First of all, it is a “political statement” so the veracity falls into immediate question. Once this happens, our understanding is seriously impaired. We need to gather the facts based on past statements and weigh this new bullshit against their past history of bullshit. When it comes to politics, a “fair and proportionate judgment” is a always crapshoot.

What destroys hope?

Nothing. There is always hope. Some lose it, but it is still there waiting to be found. If one gives up all hope, one must remember the hope for yet another life and another chance to excel in it. Hope was gifted to us and only we can make the conscious choice to surrender it. But, why would you want to?

What is the right career move?

The one that will most help you attain your goals. 

How should I decide what job to choose?

Same answer as the previous question: Choose the one that will most help you attain your goals.

Who agrees when people choose to hang around only a few people and say they lost faith in humanity, it's because they don't have the respect of everybody around them and they are failing at life?

Yeah, people are really just crap. The minute things start going south, they throw in the towel and give up. They lose faith that they never really had, and only hand around the few people who support their sad outlook on a failing life that lacks the respect they never earned.

Unfortunately, life is what we make of it. We can try to shift the blame for our failure, but this is transparent to those around us. Better that we should learn to make our own better choices and decisions in life. Start by owning your “shit life” and vowing to make it so much better. Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances.

This is a choice you make for the rest of your life and, as a conscious choice, true happiness will be sustainable until you change the choice. Your life is yours and yours alone. You learn to live it now, or you learn to live it in the next life, but you will learn to live it. Better to learn it now.

“If you have not made somebody's day happier, if you've not appreciated something good that has happened to you and if you have not felt thankful to be alive, then you have wasted that day of your life on earth!”

-- Preeti Shenoy

How do I stop feeling so old and that I need to accomplish things by the time I reach a certain age otherwise I’m a failure?

It happens to all of us. What we need and what we can do become two ends of an unreachable goal. Look at life this way, you are feeling old and this means you have lived your life, up to this point, so you can feel the age. This, alone, is a great accomplishment. Any “accomplishments” along the way are more icing on the cake of life.

There comes a time in life when what we think we need goes on the “To Do” list for our next life, or the life after that, and so on. For now, strive to be truly happy in life, always, and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. Do this, and mentor others to do the same.

Failure is simply an opportunity for us to learn. Learn to accomplish happiness, and then go out and learn everything else. Happiness is your true success in life. With this, you are never a failure.

Why is it that the United States finds itself deficient in many of the qualities that powered its rise?

Political greed and dishonesty, and the ignorance of the voter who buys into it.

I did some bad things in the recent past. My guilt for these things is swallowing me up. How can I overcome it and do I deserve to overcome it?

You own your guilt, and this is the first step. Now go and make it right. Admit your wrongdoing and ask those you wronged how you can make it right if you can. Whether you deserve to overcome the guilt is entirely up to you. It will always be with you as a reminder to never cross that line, so freely admit your errors and mentor others to be better people. Guilt begets confession, and confession begets forgiveness, even if that forgiveness only comes from you. It is your life, you have to live it. Time to change your path.

Author's comment:  Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Who do I confess to if my actions did not directly wrong anyone else, but were demonstrations of very undesirable traits/urges that I don’t believe I have any more? I believe that I’m on a very different path but my guilt still consumes me. Should I seek help from a therapist? Pastor? My partner? Friends? Family?

My reply:  Then, you have confessed it to yourself. You are aware of what you’ve done, and you have deemed it wrong. I’m a pastor. Your guilt is spot on, but you need to let it go. You cannot travel your new path with guilt, so be done with it. It will be there in memory, to remind you of what you were capable of. Use this knowledge to mentor others. Seek true happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. This is simply a lesson life has presented you, and you have recognized the issue. Time to move forward, my friend.

Author's reply: Thank you. I wish with all of my heart that I could turn back time and undo my actions. I feel like I’ve let down the people closest to me and most of all myself. But your words make sense to me. Maybe this process of guilt will be long but I hope that I come out of it a much better person. Once again, thank you.

Why does society continually insist on rewarding talentless people from all walks of life?

Only in the United States. We “reward” people for doing absolutely nothing for our “bleeding heart” society. except to sit on their unemployed ass.

Do you know someone who always has "calmness and kindness" in their voice even when others around them are contentious and belittling? They are able to stay this way even while being exposed to very triggering words. How can one obtain this ability?

Any “ability” takes work. Learn to think before you open your pie hole. Listening is so much more enriching than anything you might have to say. Speak when spoken to, and only offer that which contains “calmness and kindness” in your voice. Then, when you’re alone at night, watch the late-night news, stress out, and let it go. In the morning, start all over again, and think before you open your pie hole. Remember, any “ability” takes work.

“To learn to see- to accustom the eye to calmness, to patience, and to allow things to come up to it; to defer judgment, and to acquire the habit of approaching and grasping an individual case from all sides. This is the first preparatory schooling of intellectuality. One must not respond immediately to a stimulus; one must acquire a command of the obstructing and isolating instincts.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

How can I enjoy my life more and study less?

Graduate.

What are the simple principles for a happier and more successful life?

Make the "simple" conscious choice to be truly happy always, and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. If you can’t choose to be happy, how will you be truly happy when you attain your goals? True success in life is choosing to be happy, regardless of anything else happening in your life. Just be happy, and don’t let anything stop you. It is a principle before all others.

Is it bad to constantly think about something but not act on it?

Yes, but I just can’t remember her name. It’s simply embarrassing.

What is your belief about making mistakes?

Mistakes are opportunities to learn why you made them. It isn’t that you made a mistake, it’s what you do with it that helps you to move forward. 

How important is being yourself in today's society?

Same importance that it’s always been. You be yourself because everyone else is still taken.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

-- Bernard M. Baruch

What are some ways to stop obsessions from getting worse?

Be obsessed over stopping obsessions.

Is it possible to raise a child with no personality?

If you could, it would be viewed as “child abuse” by the courts. No big deal, there, though. They’ll let you off with no bail, on the same day, so you can out and abuse some more. It’s what our court system does for lawbreakers.

Do all thoughts have to lead to actions?

No. I have thoughts all the time that never lead to action, or I’d be arrested. Some things are illegal in most states.

What is the greatest thing you can do to empower others to be the best version of themselves and/or strive for greatness in their field?

Be empowered. Be the best version of yourself, and strive for greatness in your field. Be the best example of what they need to strive for. Most importantly, always be humble and truly happy. If they learn nothing else from you, let them learn success in life: To be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of their circumstances. If they start out with success, attaining their goals should be no big deal. 

Should we aspire to become something more than human?

Unfortunately, we’ll still be human, only not.

“Logic and truth are two very different things, but they often look the same to the mind that’s performing the logic.”

-- Theodore Sturgeon

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com