Questioning Judging, Respect, Blame, Assholes, and Advice

“An ignorant person is inclined to blame others for his own misfortune. To blame oneself is proof of progress. But the wise man never has to blame another or himself.”

-- Epictetus

Should you care if people judge you or don't like you just for being yourself?

Only if you’re thin-skinned. What other people say about me says more about them, than me. They judge themselves to be so much better. Really? Then, why do you find the need to judge, if you’re so perfect? I will continue to be myself, and only “judge” when the questions offered to me require it. My “judgments” are only my opinions; like assholes, everyone has them, and they usually stink. My opinions are no different, but I was asked to give them, so I did.

What is the importance of knowing oneself to successfully relate with others?

True confidence.

What do you do when you are procrastinating your homework due to low self-esteem?

Sounds like self-perpetuating misery. How about not procrastinating, doing what you know you’re supposed to do, and boosting your self-esteem? Is it really low self-esteem or just low esteem due to others’ opinions?

Personally, I’d learn to love myself for who I know I can be, and then work toward being that person. You are not the product of someone else’s opinion. You are the product of your own opinion, so make it a good one.

You may try and fail. Failure is simply an opportunity to learn why you went wrong. If you pay more attention to learning, you won’t have time to procrastinate. You will eventually attain goals and your low self-esteem will rise.

What is fantasy thinking?

Thinking about things that aren’t real, like fantasy.

Can kindness be unconditional?

It should be unconditional. If it relies on conditions, it is selfish, not selfless as it should be. You escort a hooker across the street because she is a woman, not because you think she’ll give you a “freebie.” Every woman deserves respect, especially those who ply one of the oldest professions.

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

How would you react if someone told you to respect a person that they don’t respect themselves?

I was brought up to show respect to everyone until they don’t deserve it. Not respecting yourself is no reason for someone else not to show you respect. Not returning the respect, without due cause, will put you in that category, however. You get what you give when it comes to respecting.

So, to answer the question, I would already have respect for them, if they haven’t already shot themselves in the foot by not respecting others deserving of their respect.

Author's comment:  I don’t think you got the question, I was asking how would you react if someone told you to respect a person and that someone who told you to respect that person doesn’t respect that person themselves.

My reply:  You are so right, I read that the other way. But, my answer still stands, with the added understanding that I don’t listen to other people when they judge another. I would still show them respect until they show me that they don’t deserve it. Thank you for the clarification! 

Would the world be a better place if our noses grew when we lied?

Well, there would be less lying or a lot less kissing. The “Kama Sutra” will definitely take a hit.

Is there a particular person that you are grateful for who has helped you get to where you are today?

So many helped me, it would be hard and rude to pick one out of the many. My parents set me on the path, however, especially my mother who taught me almost everything about people, courtesy, and respect.

Are you surprised that agreeableness is not a predictor of whether someone will be a dom or a sub in a relationship?

It was a factor there would be less domestic violence.

What are some qualities you admire the most in a person?

Happy, honest, loyal, smart, confident, curious, careful, personable, respectful, courteous, understanding and tolerant, and comfortable around themselves and others, a good communicator, and a good listener.

“Attending to your own words and ideas as well as those of others is an admirable trait in any person, but a necessity in a leader.”

-- Jennifer Frick-Ruppert

Is it possible to make another person feel invisible without doing anything at all?

Especially if don’t acknowledge their existence, at all. But, that purposeful “lack of acknowledgment” would be doing something, even if it is nothing.

Is it possible to do something non-selfish?

It happens all the time. Just be selfless. When you help others don’t expect anything in return. Do what is right because it is the right thing to do, not because you will benefit.

Do people try to obfuscate a particular situation in order to guard their secrets?

Obfuscate? Don’t see that used very often. Yes, I can see your point, but I can see them, more often, trying to hide their part in the situation, or make their part in it sound better than it actually is. I suppose, by hiding their part, or making themselves sound better, it might still be considered their secret and you would still be right.

Have mean people blamed you for trying to be nice to them?

They haven’t blamed me as much as accused me. As long as their “meanness” does not affect my life, I will continue to treat them with courtesy, while we work on respect. 

How is understanding applied?

If you don’t know how it’s applied, how will you “understand” when I explain it? If you do understand, then you have “applied” your “understanding” to my explanation. Is this understandable?

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

-- Marie Curie

Can a person be born with common sense but not much intelligence or wisdom?

Indeed. I can attest to this.

Our parents are very strict about everything. What should I do?

Do what they say. When you’re of age, leave. When you find out they were acting in your best interest, apologize. Hey, this is easy.

When things get difficult in your life and people say things indirectly that made you angry that you didn't agree with, how would you respond and handle that moral conundrum?

Grow a set of very broad shoulders and let the crap run off of them. What people say says more about them than you. Getting angry might make people think they were right. Better to let the gossip go and take a higher road. There is no “moral conundrum” as you have decided to rise above the immaturity evidenced by other people.

What makes feelings neither right nor wrong?

Love. You simply don’t give a shit.

What is the best way to say 'no problem' without sounding like an asshole?

Be jovial, and smile when you say it. The only people who know you’re really an asshole are people who know you.

"Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."

-- Theodore Roosevelt

How can you convince yourself that you are a good person?

Be a good person. It works for me.

What are some ways to defend your faith online?

Don’t, and there is no reason to. Faith is a belief in something for which there is little or no proof. You believe it, and this is all that matters. Atheists also have faith that they are right, but their argument suffers from the same limitation - no proof. Personally, I like padding my bet that there is something more. It makes me smile.

What would you say if someone asked you for advice on something important?

I’d tell them it’s just my opinion. I’d advise them to find an expert on the subject.

I want to be codependent. Is that bad to say? I don’t know why I want someone to talk to me 24/7. I know it’s wrong. People have lives too.

It isn’t wrong, it’s needy. You will continually get slapped down by most folks for being irritating, unless you find another needy person, like yourself. Of course, you can always turn submissive, and they will have you sit quietly in the corner until you break, but there are always fringe benefits.

Do psychopaths like nice people?

It depends on the psychopath.

“The 16 characteristics of psychopaths:

1. Intelligent 2. Rational 3. Calm 4. Unreliable 5. Insincere 6. Without shame or remorse 7. Having poor judgment 8. Without the capacity for love 9. Unemotional 10. Poor insight 11. Indifferent to the trust or kindness of others 12. Overreactive to alcohol 13. Suicidal 14. Impersonal sex life 15. Lacking long-term goals 16. Inadequately motivated antisocial behavior”

--Hervey M. Cleckley

(Oh, crap... it's me!) 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com