Questioning Charisma, Counseling, Entitlement, and Quotes

 

“But charisma only wins people’s attention. Once you have their attention, you have to have something to tell them.”

-- Daniel Quinn

 

What difference does charisma make in a leader?

Likeability. True charisma inspires loyalty and devotion which helps to get things done.

One of my close friends is a perfectionist who always corrects what I say and do. How do I tell this person to stop?

You risk your friendship, but sit them down for a serious talk. Tell them that they are very close to you, but they piss you off with this aggravating habit. You value their friendship, but not at the cost of your own self-respect. If they don’t like what you do or say, it’s better they keep their mouth shut, or they can walk out of your life. You are that serious.

As the child of a working mom, did you not feel embarrassed about the lack of time she spent with you?

Nope. I had sitters, and I learned to entertain myself, early on.

By what standards do you judge politicians?

Honesty and patriotism. Don’t be a hypocrite. If you swear to uphold the Constitution, don’t turn around and want to destroy it. If you swear an oath to work for the good of the country, just don’t work for half of the country. The fact that half the country is too stupid to realize the reality of you, you can be an ass, but it doesn’t really give you the right to be an ass. The country needs people who work for the benefit of the country not for their own benefit. You shouldn’t be filthy rich when you leave public office if you weren’t filthy rich, to begin with. There is something fundamentally wrong with that.

Do you have trouble changing your behavior to suit different people and different situations?

I don’t change my behavior to suit different people; I am who I am. But, I do change it to suit the situation.

“To change any behavior we have to slow down and act intentionally rather than from habit and impulse.”

-- Henna Inam

The ultimate aim of counseling is to enable the client to make their own choices which their own decisions and act on them. What are your thoughts on the statement?

The “ultimate aim” is very true. However, this aim seems counterproductive for the therapist, as every client they cure is money out of their pocket. I am very wary of therapists. Until they have a constant flow of business, one would think that every little thing they find is an issue to be worked on.

What is the meaning of “slow to anger”?

It takes quite a bit to finally make you angry, and when they do, you can usually handle it calmly. 

The ultimate aim of counseling is to enable the client to make their own choices which their own decisions and act on them. What are your thoughts on the statement?

The “ultimate aim” is very true. However, this aim seems counterproductive for the therapist, as every client they cure is money out of their pocket. I am very wary of therapists. Until they have a constant flow of business, one would think that every little thing they find is an issue to be worked on. I’ve known both sides of the issue. The best thing to do is be your own advocate when working with them.

What are some reasons for someone that is kind and friendly, to lack empathy and understanding?

Watch your back.

How do you become independent, intelligent, and graceful?

I’m not sure, it just happened. I think having a mother from Mississippi that grew up on a farm, probably helped. She taught me all the “genteel” values. She brought me up to be polite, refined, and respectable, without being ostentatious. She taught me how to be humble, without losing sight of being a man. There must always be balance, especially with no "finishing" school for men avaliable.

"I thought of the time I first told him not to say ain't. He took this the same way, a little peeved but making mental notes. I noticed he was never too much of an egotist to take criticism when he knew it would help. It was part of his genius for self-propulsion. I was beginning to see what Kit had for Sammy. Of course, she stood for something never within his reach before. But it was more than that. Sammy seemed to know that his career was entering a new cycle where polish paid off. You could almost see him filing off the rough edges against the sharp blade of her mind."

-- Budd Schulberg

What is the most effective way to facilitate gratitude with people who have a sense of entitlement?

Inform them of what requires their show of gratitude. If they don’t say “thank you” you can still tell them “you are so welcome,” anyway. They’ll get the sarcasm, as I’m sure they’re probably rife with it.

Does having bad social anxiety change your whole personality? I wonder what I would be like if I didn’t ever have it.

It can, and knowing about it allows you to change your personality back. If you never had it, you wouldn’t be able to recognize it, and it might jump you again. If you can change yourself back, you will be able to mentor others to find their way out, the same way you did.

Our experiences, good and bad, are simply opportunities for us to learn. It also creates an opportunity for us to pass on what we learn to others with similar issues. It isn’t that we learn inasmuch as what we do with what we learn that makes a difference in our lives and the lives of others.

What is the uniqueness of human communication?

We have to ability to describe the most complicated issues in a succinct and very well-understood way, so there is little confusion about what we mean.

Why am I currently so lost in my life? I literally have nothing good going for myself and I’m worried I will become a loser with no hope in the future.

I’m hearing this more and more from people on this site. First, you aren’t that lost. The fact that you have thought about this shows that you are still on a path. Second, the fact that you wake up every morning is a good thing going for you that you can build on. Third, you are worried about things that haven’t come to pass, so don’t let them.

Only you can make good choices and decisions for your life. It is, after all, your life, so take control of it. Set a goal you want to attain and work toward it. Keep on doing this until your life is where you want it.

Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances, and then go to work on those circumstances. You were born with all the tools necessary to attain this, and there is no better time to start than right now.

Write this down in large letters and post it where you can always see it: “The alternative to happiness simply sucks.”

So, start smiling.

 What would you do if you know that someone is lying to you? How would you get an honest answer out of them?

They might not know the truth, so I’d clue them in by showing them the facts, as I know them. If they still believe their lie afterward, perhaps they’re too simple to grasp the obvious. “Pity” might be a good emotion for you to consider harboring for them.

“Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.”

-- Criss Jami

How do you know that someone of the same sex loves you?

If they’re worth their salt, they come out and tell you. If they’re a little shy about it, they “accidentally” stroke parts of you that don’t, immediately, concern them.

Do wise or clever people have favorite quotes?

I do, so yes.

Can intelligence overcome laziness?

It can, but I’ve also known some lazy intelligent people. If they start thinking they’re all that, they’ll expect more of others. They begin to feel entitled, which they are so not.

What does it mean if a woman turns her back on you?

Oh, she is so not interested, so you can button the overcoat now.

How did you overcome your doubt in God?

I had doubts about the “definition” of God, put forth by organized religion. I overcame those doubts by defining my God as a God I can stand by. I have a problem with organized religion using God as a weapon of control and great power over the faithful. Christianity would be on the right path, but, as Matthew Arnold noted:

"Protestantism has the method of Jesus with His secret too much left out of mind: Catholicism has His secret with His method too much left out of mind; neither has His unerring balance, His intuition, His sweet reasonableness. But both have hold of a great truth, and get from it a great power."

-- Matthew Arnold (1822-1888)

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com