Questioning Jerks, Offense, Looks, Joy, and Ethics

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

-- Idiom

I'm ugly and nobody likes me. How do I find comfort in that?

If they don’t like you because you’re physically ugly, this is their loss. If, however, your personality is ugly, you need to own it or change it. Personally, I’d find better people to hang around with. There are many of us who don’t judge people by their looks as much as by their friendly personalities. Find comfort in the fact that they show their personality to be much uglier than your looks could ever be. 

What are some ways to be helpful to my poor neighbors when I have limited assets?

Use what you have at hand. You can always find ways to help them without assets. Selflessness knows no boundaries.

Is the statement 'Some people do not behave like people' accurate or not?

First, you need to know, unequivocally, how “people” behave. An impossible task, since all people, behave differently. We are, after all, individuals. But, the fact that some people do not behave like people would suggest they might not really be people at all if it weren’t for the fact that all people behave differently. This would be why the aliens among us blend in so well. So, in my humble opinion, the statement is not accurate. I’ve confused myself… again.

What do you think are the most important principles of design and how have they changed over the last 20 years if at all?

Simplicity and flexibility. I think more things are being designed to be simple and flexible, even technology. “Techno-boobs” now have no excuse not to be able.

What are some perspective-shifting ways to transform obstacles and turn them into opportunities?

Obstacles are tests presented to us by life in order to see if we fail or make mistakes. Understanding that failure and mistakes are simply opportunities for us to learn, shifts the stigma of failure and mistakes to one of learning. It isn’t the failure or the mistake, that is important, it’s what you do with them that moves you forward.

“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas-covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

-- Douglas Adams

Would it still matter to say that a person is morally accountable for their wrongdoing if they did it freely and they do not feel shame, guilt, or show remorse?

Their lack of understanding and/or responsibility for what they did does not change the fact that doing it was wrong. They should be held morally accountable by those around them so they know others see how wrong they were.

Have stupid, ignorant, and/or arrogant people felt offended by you for trying to warn them about the dangers?

Yes, God rest their souls.

Is putting your hand in your pocket, while addressing people, disrespectful, or is it the people who need to change their mindset?

How much more unprofessional do we need to become? Is picking our noses now going to be okay? Scratching our asses? Where does it stop? Next thing you know the Vice President will be giggling like a simpleton and the President won’t know what state or city he’s in.

How does one know how to ask the questions that contain the required understanding of what they are asking?

Ask someone else to read the question with a critical eye, and let you know, or ask the audience you’re asking if it contains enough.

Is it always somebody else's fault?

For most people, yes. Failures and mistakes have been imbued with a negative stigma that I wish we could remedy. Because of the stigma, we have a problem accepting and owning our own mistakes and failures instead of seeing them for what they are - an opportunity to learn. It isn’t that you failed or made a mistake, it’s about what you do with it that helps you to move forward smarter for the opportunity.

“An ignorant person is inclined to blame others for his own misfortune. To blame oneself is proof of progress. But the wise man never has to blame another or himself.”

-- Epictetus

I always advise my friends that in life you have to be firm and not show weakness, otherwise people will take advantage of said weakness, and use it against you. Would you say this good advice to give?

Works for me. The only weakness I ever show is in the presence of a beautiful woman. It usually starts in the knees.

Do you think rude and mean people recognize when they're being a jerk or do they think it's just acceptable for them to be mean to who they want?

Oh, no, I think they’re well aware of how unacceptable they are, they just don’t give a shit. As someone who was bullied as a kid, I think the best thing everyone can do is simply ostracize the offensive idiots until they get a clue. But, that’s just me.

If we "bully" ourselves, do we make ourselves more motivated?

Maybe more motivated to hate yourself, like you might any bully. Better you should reason with yourself to be more motivated.

What would be your explanation for why some people grow up to be kind, while others grow up to be mean?

The social environment they grow up in. If they are not taught that being mean is wrong, they will probably think being mean is appropriate, especially if it is rewarded. Gangs are an example of this “rewarded” mindset. It becomes a “Pavlovian” response to the conditioning you experience.

If you speak to someone else in a foreign language about me and that causes me severe distress, are you then obligated to stop talking about me in the foreign language?

Not if they’re a jerk. It is always appropriate, polite, and just good form, for the person to let you know what was said.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

-- Marcus Aurelius

If "comparison" is the thief of joy, then should we avoid competitive pursuits?

Comparison is the thief of joy for what kind of people? If I compare myself to another, we both have our positives as well as our negatives. The comparison would be so much less a thief than jealousy. If you are happy with who you are there is no reason to be jealous of another, for whatever reason.

I was born to be small and attain an average height. I can physically compete, but history tells me I probably won’t rank the highest except in my weight class, so I won’t be competing against everyone unless I suck it up and “compete” for the pure joy of participating. And, what’s wrong with that?

Jealousy is a thief if you allow it to steal your joy. Just don’t. Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. In this, you will find sustainable happiness in life. Of this, I can attest. 

Do blatantly stupid questions deserve blatantly stupid answers?

Yes, but that's just because I’m a smartass. It is more acceptable to assist the person in clarifying the question so it doesn’t sound so stupid.

How do you explain the phenomenon and essence of "self-projection of disgust"?

I read this as projecting onto yourself a feeling of disgust. If I have acted out poorly in front of someone I respect, I can see myself being disgusted with my behavior. I doubt if I will dwell on the episode except to learn from it so as to mitigate doing it in the future. Did I read it correctly?

Is lying a learned behavior?

I think so, and, unfortunately, it is usually self-taught.

What are the positive effects of computers on social behavior?

Ease of communication. The general negative effect, however, is the quality of communication. We’ve come full circle from letters to telegraphs, and telephones, and, now we’re back to computers and texting. Unless your computer app allows you to see who you’re talking to, you lose all the interpersonal tells of vocal fluctuation, facial expression, and body language. We’re basically back to letter writing and miscommunication.

“It is okay to own a technology, what is not okay is to be owned by technology.”

-- Abhijit Naskar

What makes you think a person is mature? Is it just a feeling? Are there specific characteristics?

They’re not exhibiting “immature” characteristics, would be one obvious tell.

What practical advice would you give someone who knows they're fortunate, and wants an "attitude of gratitude," but struggles because they're consumed by thoughts of what they don't have, and convictions of how great life will be when they get it?

Strive to be happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. Instead of being “consumed” by the thought of what you don’t have, try being consumed by the gratitude of what you do have.

I wake up each morning. Halleluiah! I use this gift of another day in paradise to excel at life. I strive to be always happy and selfless in my pursuits. If life isn’t truly great now, how truly great will it be when they get all the crap they want? There will always be a “tantalizing” something just over the next hill, and true happiness will still elude them.

Thinking about today's politicians, can we say that they have been communicating ethically?

I assume you’re being serious.

I grew up in the 1990s is it just me or does it seem that an increasing number of Americans are not really ambitious? I am starting to notice that it seems that people who are really really successful are rare.

They haven’t really been ambitious since the onset of social welfare. Who really wants to work just to support those who don’t want to work? This has been plaguing our country for a long time before the 1990s.

To be the most talked about individual.. would that be a good or bad thing?

It would depend on if the talk is slamming you or praising you.

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.”

-- Socrates

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com