Questioning Resentment, Change, Life, Truth, and Fakes

 

“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. Get even with people...but not those who have hurt us, forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us.”

-- Steve Maraboli

What is something that you think is wrong that our society has made a norm?

Rigging elections.

Do you believe society is all about leverage now? Do you think people want to feel valued even if they really aren’t? If so, why?

Most people are too busy trying to make ends meet, in this economy, to worry about leverage. As far as value, if you are alive you have value. If you work, have family, have friends, or have debt, you have value. If you don’t value yourself, however, why would anyone else think about valuing you, except debtors to who you owe? Not finding value in who you are is not constructive to life. If we breathe, we have value. It is what we find to do with our value, how we spread it out, that makes it worth more. 

Isn't it clearly the civility of a working person? Sportsmanship is what it is.

Isn’t what, the civility of the working person? And, why even ask the question if you have the answer, “sportsmanship”?

And, to answer the “administrators” of this site, yes, indeed, the question needs some work.

What are the values you have gained after working so hard on a certain thing?

Perseverance, focus, and true happiness.

Is it wrong to resent someone because they’ve had a happier life than me? I.E. happier family dynamics, higher social status, more money, and a better childhood?

Is it wrong for you to judge them because you made the choice to settle for the dynamics, social status, and money, in your own life? Our life is what we make of it. It belongs to us, not to anyone else. Our childhood is out of our hands, but everything else in life is what we choose it to be. In my humble opinion, it sounds like you resent someone for attaining goals they set, while you chose to be miserable.

Our life is miserable for many reasons, and those reasons usually are the result of choices and decisions we make. If the job sucks, who chose to work there. If the marriage sucks, who chose to marry? If finances suck, who took on the debt? If life sucks, who isn’t working hard to make it better?

We can try to shift blame for our life onto others, but others see right through that. It is our life, we make it or break it. It is what it is until you make it something else. Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. If you aren’t happy, change your life so you are. It is a choice only you can make.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ”

― Carrie Fisher

Does something generally change from age 27 to 30, or is it almost the same age?

No, your age actually changes from 27 to 30. It might be almost the same age, but it really isn’t the same age. A lot can happen to your life in three years. You are not the same person yesterday that you are today, or will be tomorrow. Change happens. It is the only true constant in the universe.

What are some examples of obligation not to do?

Anything that violates the “rule of law,” anything that is wrong or bad, and anything you can’t or won’t actually follow through with. 

Has there ever been a time when a simple 'yes' or 'no' decision saved your life?

There is never a “simple” yes or no, answer. If they were simple your life would not hang in the balance. yet it does. If you don’t take the time to weigh the consequences of your choice, you could make the wrong choice and die. If you make the right choice, you will live but others might die who made the wrong choice. Your choice has bearing on the ultimate outcome only if your not being there somehow changes the dynamic. 

How will I develop more understanding?

By paying attention to life. Life presents us with opportunities to learn. Pay attention to the lesson.

When we have an obligation, we must do or omit some action. We may do or omit this type of action for either all others, specified others, or for unspecified others, but not for all others. Can someone logically explain this to me?

I read both iterations of this question, and it seems too complicated, to me. You have an obligation, so it is incumbent on you to do what you are obligated to do. If you didn’t want the obligation, you should have taken it on, yet, you did. So now you have to make it right. This might mean putting other concerns off to the side while you concentrate on this. It is hard to explain what is so obviously logical. This is a case of having an "obligation" and the right thing to do is to see your obligation through to the end. And, yes, it might mean setting other concerns aside.

Obligation: “An act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound; a duty or commitment.”

-- Oxford Languages

How can I be a more efficient bully?

Sorry, as a past victim, I don’t give lessons on “asshole” efficiency.

How can you learn from failure without letting it define you?

No. Failure is simply an opportunity to learn. If you learn, you change. If you change, so does your definition. Failure will define us in a good way, or in a bad way, by learning from it, or not. It isn’t the failure that defines you, it’s what you do with it.

What are some ways to become more responsible and mature at an early age?

Get a job. 

Can we take complete control of the course of our lives without harming others?

Yes, and no. Don’t fall into this trap. Make it clear to everyone what you are doing. What happens to others, then, is their fault, not yours. They need to pay attention to their own life and not shift the blame on you for their own shortsightedness or lack of attention. It would be nice, however, if you gave people this “heads up,” especially if you see an issue that might cause harm. It is the right thing to do, but not necessary for taking control of your own course. You’ve raised the red flag, others need to be prepared.

What is a better analogy, person A or person B?

Person A. No, wait… Person B. Is there any context that comes with this question?

“The frame, the definition, is a type of context. And context, as we said before, determines the meaning of things. There is no such thing as the view from nowhere, or from everywhere for that matter. Our point of view biases our observation, consciously and unconsciously. You cannot understand the view without the point of view.”

-- Noam Shpancer

Does ignorance ever get tired of itself? If so, why are we still dealing with ignorance? If so, should we become tired of ignorance and began to teach competence?

Ignorance, by its nature, is too ignorant to recognize it should be tired of itself. We deal with ignorance because, in our society, people are free to be so. We have been trying to teach competence for many years, but only some of the ignorant take advantage of the effort.

Is your behavior actually an expression of your true inner feelings, attitudes, and beliefs?

I would hope so. I spent too many years being other people. In 1994, I decided to be myself, for a change. In 2000, the divorce she put me through cemented my decision.

What is the definition of "truth" or "believe"?

The truth is an incontrovertible fact until it isn’t. It could be what isn’t false, but that doesn’t make it, necessarily, true, any more than your belief makes it so. Belief is based, more or less, on faith. We have faith that our belief is true. But, our faith, by definition, is a belief in something that has little or no proof.

Can you catch disgust from someone else?

Yes, if you’re prone to catching other people’s opinions. Better you should be disgusted on your own.

What are the benefits of being angry and controlled?

Lower high blood pressure. Fewer bruised knuckles and, therefore, fewer run-ins with law enforcement. If you're a person in charge, people recognize your controlled anger and might try to make whatever made you angry so you don’t lose control. Call it an unintended “management ploy” of sorts.

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

-- Ambrose Bierce

How do I get a better version of my old personality back? I want to be the way I used to be, but with a few fixed traits.

Write it down. Bullet points. Put it up where you can always see it; the bathroom sink for the morning, inside of the front door as you leave, at your desk, anywhere you need the reminder of what you want your the better version of your old personality to be. The rest is all work for you to bring it to fruition, and not fall back. It is not an easy task to become someone else, even if it’s a small change. It requires constant self-monitoring.

What do you do when adults make bad decisions?

Warn them when the “blowback” will probably be intense.

How can I tell if my fake smile is becoming real?

You understand the reason that is making you smile. When you fake a smile, there is no real reason for you to smile. You do so to be polite. Not smiling tells people that what they say might have been misunderstood, always a possibility. Probably better to just be honest with showing emotion, It’s less confusing to people.

Why would someone lie and then tell the truth, later on, knowing that the truth will be found out?

Because the nature of truth is that it will always come out in the end, and they know it.

When did you realize that someone in your life was a narcissist?

I have known many, mostly bullies, but I no longer let them into my life. It is probably selfish of me, but they’re too much drama that I would rather not have to deal with. I have so much bigger fish to fry than dealing with their personality shortcomings.

Author comment:  WOW, great eye. You must have really keen senses. They are very difficult to recognize. And no it’s not selfish at all!  Thank you for writing.

My reply:  It’s probably due to my military background.

“When we meet and fall into the gravitational pull of a narcissist, we are entering a significant life lesson that involves learning how to create boundaries, self-respect, and resilience. Through trial and error (and a lot of pain), our connection with narcissists teaches us the necessary lessons we need to become mature empaths.”

-- Mateo Sol

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com