Questions of Rejection, Perfection, and Outlook

 

"Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection."

-- Henri J.M. Nouwen

Is it a possibility that I'd be a completely different person if my parents named me something else?

Luckily, my parents gave me two names to choose from, Frank and Anthony. Frank is something you eat at a ballfield, so I chose to go with Tony. I think I saved myself from some grief. Tony is a little more romantic, and so is the name.

Why is a perfectionist approach to life detrimental?

Since “perfection” can never be attained, a perfectionist will never truly be satisfied with what they do. They’ll always know, deep down, they could have done better, especially if people keep improving on what they've done.

What is the fastest way to get brave rewards?

People with true courageous character, are humble and selfless in their actions. They don’t go out looking for rewards and they usually share credit with others they feel are more deserving.

“A brave man acknowledges the strength of others.”

-- Veronica Roth

I regret some mistakes I made not too long ago, but I am very happy with where I am now and have met great people since then. Had I made different decisions, would I still be where I am now?

Choices and decisions put us in a different place physically and mentally. I would find it hard to believe it wouldn’t make even some small change in who and where we are.

When can we say this thing, this method, this work of mine is perfect? When we work hard to create something new or improve what exists, how do we know that our work has reached perfection on a human scale?

Nothing is ever ‘perfect as evidenced by the fact you have improved what exists, but, it is the best you can do until you can do better yet. It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is again.

Is the current generation less happy than generations before?

The current generation, for the most part, thinks that material wealth will make them truly happy. I think more people in the past understood true happiness and, therefore, were probably happier in their lot than young people today. Survival was a reason for celebration.

“No one should ever ask themselves that: why am I unhappy? The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy. If what makes us happy is different from what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling even more unhappy.”

-- Paulo Coelho

How and when did you arrive at a point where you came to regard all experiences in life, good or bad, as a gift?

After my divorce. I was 56ish and ready to end it all… before I came to my senses. I had a little one-way conversation with the “Big Guy” upstairs. Each morning, for the past 11 years, I’ve been thanking God for the gift of another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel in life. Everything we experience is another lesson, another opportunity, for us to learn so we are prepared when it is time to move on to the next great adventure.

Reader comment: “I had a little one-way conversation with the “Big Guy” upstairs.”

My thought:  (She reads my stuff!)       

Which imaginary being would you like to have with you?

God is already with me. I imagine God, in my mind, to be a certain way. My faith, that belief in something for which there is little or no proof, hopes that I am right, and that “God” exists.

Can you find everything you want in one individual?

No, that would be perfection and humans are anything but perfect. I find everything I want in my definition of God, but even God doesn’t define as an “individual” since God is all things.

“Be wary of someone who has never failed, or seems to have no faults... Too good to be true usually is. Perfection hides something.”

-- Henry Cloud

Do you ever evaluate yourself and think of ways you could do some self-improvement?

Daily, but this isn’t the problem. Putting the ways I come up with for self-improvement into action, is what leaves much to be desired.

Why is it that people prefer looking for money more than mentors?

It hasn’t occurred to them that finding the right mentor would make finding the money so much easier. People are basically pretty dull tools.

What did you feel when you got rejected, and how did you handle it?

While in the military, I was put in for the “SAC Intelligence NCO of the Year” award, every year I was an NCO. I was always runner-up. A friend of mine got an assignment to HQ SAC and found out why - I don’t kiss ass. Well, this was never going to happen, so I told the “powers that be” to stop wasting their time. If they want to show me I’m appreciated, pat me on the back, and let’s go have drinks. It didn’t bother me as much as it made me shake my head and laugh at the typical military bullshit.

“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

 
And... the short answers:

Let's say that you could travel one million years into the future and stay there for one day. What advancements in civilization would you hope to see there?

You assume advancements as if humans will survive.

How do we know the past doesn't change? If it did, all our memories and written records would change? What clues would we have of the previous past?

It doesn’t, they would, and none.

If you had to go through life with 2 items (excluding money), what would you have?

A good woman and a place to live.

What is the best way to bring up the potential of a salary raise without actually asking for one from my employer?

Too late. The moment you broached the subject…

What should we keep in mind when managing a team of 10 to 50 people?

Good communication skills.

What is something that I don’t know, something that is interesting and educational?

I don’t know. What don't you know?

What's the price of greatness? How rich do you need to become before you can pay such?

Mohandas Gandhi was not rich, yet he was great.

"The price of greatness is responsibility."

-- Winston Churchill

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com