Questioning Relationships, Choices, and Actions

 

“Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. Who doesn't feel a part of their heartbreak at rejection? You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That's my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story.”

-- Jennifer Salaiz

I never faced insecurities or rejection. Does it make sense to say that "you never miss the shots you don't take" if you haven't hit on anyone?

So, you never face insecurities or rejection because you’ve never hit on anyone and faced rejection? If this is true, I’d say the adage makes sense. I’ve taken shots most of my life and missed more than I hit. Such is life.

I broke up with my boyfriend & I regret it. I was impulsive & emotional. I also called him names & broke his laptop. I thought he was being funny towards me, but it was a misunderstanding. what should I do?

My first blush is that you are so screwed. Try explaining it all to him, and buy him another laptop, which you should do anyway. Let it be your lesson not to be impulsive and emotional. Taking a moment to talk it out and understand really can pay dividends when it comes to relationships.

What is the meaning of the quotes from Jesse Jackson "leadership cannot just go along to get along, leadership must meet the moral challenge of the day"?

A leader in name only is not a true leader. A true leader must question and, if necessary, challenge the “status quo.” A leader must be willing to put their leadership on the line when something is found to be wrong. They must be willing to take a stand and speak their mind. If they don’t, then why do they hold the title of “leader” in the first place? Businesses, fortunes, and armies fail because their “leaders” never tell those above them what is really going on. Instead, they tell them what they think they want to hear.

"A good leader leads the people from above them. A great leader leads the people from within them."

--M.D. Arnold

What are some of the principles you practice in your life that can improve mine?

Smile always, especially in the face of adversity. Take a deep breath before you anger, and let the trouble, and the anger, go out with the breath. Smile some more. Remove drama from your life; bad relationships, debt, a job you don’t like, etc., and constantly strive to be happy always. Keep on smiling. The alternative to all of this simply sucks.

When did you do something, but immediately realized what was wrong with it?

We were helping to paint the local cigar bad in town, and I was going to rinse out a brush so I could paint the trim a different color. I didn’t realize the brush was used for oil-based enamel until I smelled the paint just as I grabbed the bristles to scrub them. I closed my eyes and silently cursed. I could feel the oil-based paint all over my hands. What was worse, we’d run out of the thinner used to clean my hands off. What a mess.

Am I wrong for being unlucky?

No, but you might be wrong for relying on luck. Life is more about making the right choices, more than it is relying on good luck. You can count the big winners at a casino on one hand, and those who break even on two. Relying on luck is a bit overrated. They call it gambling for a reason. Better to rely on good decisions and choices, you will win much more often.

“People who believe they have bad luck create bad luck. Those who believe they are very fortunate, that the world is a generous place filled with trustworthy people, live in exactly that kind of world.”

-- Chris Prentiss

Is it right not to continue doing good deeds because you think it may be perceived as negative?

I’m not sure how doing good deeds can be perceived as negative, unless it is a problem with the perception. I suppose I’d fall back on not caring what other people think about the good deeds I’m doing unless the people I’m trying to help are the ones perceiving it as bad. If this is the case, I’d have to take a critical look at what I’m doing and seriously listen to what they have to say. I might be violating a cultural standard, in which case it would, indeed, be right to not continue.

Do you dislike anybody refusing to learn?

Refusing to learn is their choice. I can respect it even though I don’t understand it. I don’t dislike them for their choice, but they’ll have to respect my choice not to be around them. Anybody that refuses to learn is, ultimately, a danger to themselves and, most likely, those around them. These are the people who light a match around an opened gas line. Rest in pieces.

Are there situations where no matter what action you take, there will never be a real solution? I'm talking in the context of Afghanistan but if you have other situations, please do share. Thank you.

Afghanistan is a perfect example, a bad marriage would be another. There comes a point when staying is as bad as leaving. What do you do? If you can find a reason, staying the course might be best for the children, the people, but both parties, the leaders, parents, need to be in agreement.

In Afghanistan, staying the course would definitely be better for the people. The friction isn’t from the relationship, it is from outside. Would we let someone destroy a good marriage? No. We would fight to save it. We would fight to save the children who can’t fight to save themselves. We should hold this “marriage” up to the others as an example of what we can accomplish. Or, we can cut and run.

Who chooses to marry a coward who would “cut and run” when things get tough?

“I smile and start to count on my fingers: One, people are good. Two, every conflict can be removed. Three, every situation, no matter how complex it initially looks, is exceedingly simple. Four, every situation can be substantially improved; even the sky is not the limit. Five, every person can reach a full life. Six, there is always a win-win solution. Shall I continue to count?”

-- Eliyahu M. Goldratt

Am I a loser because I’m 40 and ended up working at a call center and couldn't build a professional career path? I even can't look at my kid's eyes.

You are only a "loser" if you choose to feel like one. Are you a loser if you choose to be on welfare, as opposed to working? Are you a loser if you choose to be homeless, as opposed to working? Are you a loser if you choose to have no self-respect, not take pride in what you do, and are ungrateful for any opportunity to support your family, as opposed to working… at any job?

We are what we choose to be, and what we choose to be is driven by why we choose to be, and our "why" is evident to those around us. You’re 40 and work in a call center. It takes a special person to work in a call center. You take a lot of crap from people you call, but you do it anyway. Ask yourself, “Why?” You must have reasons for why you do it. Those reasons reflect who you are. Those reasons are, most likely, your reasons for pride. Your children should know this, and you should tell them.

My “life partner” is almost 68 years old. After working 17 years as a board secretary, she retired. But she missed working, so, last year she applied to Walmart. From board secretary to Walmart “quick check.” How the mighty have fallen? No. She loves the work and the people she works with.

How you feel about what you do is a choice. Look into your children’s eyes and explain this to them. Explain that you choose to work, and why. Explain to them that, no matter what they do in life, do the best they can, be the best they can, and strive to be happy always. The only one they have to answer to, for what they do, is themselves. And, don’t forget to tell them that, no matter what they choose to do in life, you will always be as proud of them as they are of themselves, but you will love them deeply always. Their pride in themselves is their choice.

While you strive to be happy in life, never stop striving to be more than you are. When you stop doing this, you truly begin to stagnate on your path. Keep moving forward, and you will be fine.

Reader comment:  We are all products of our respective environments, commonly established in childhood, and validated throughout the rest of our lives. If we are losers then we can, and SHOULD, hold our environments responsible for, our inept teachers, never ourselves. I suspect you are a winner, a self-made one, you became without the aid of anybody? I suspect a healthy environment primarily had something to do with. Unlike you, I find it hard to define what a loser is, the closest I can come to is someone who has deliberately created a habit of being sad, for me that would be the pits of an existence.

My reply:  “Someone who has deliberately created a habit of being sad.” So they “deliberately” made a choice, regardless of what environment drove them to make that choice.

You’re wrong about me though. My father didn’t do much for me, but he did instill in me that what and why I am is a choice.  It is a choice I have to make, and if I choose to let the world dictate what and why I am, I have to own my choice. I am a “self-made” man, because of the "aid" of my father’s sage advice. A winner? No one ever handed me anything. I had to work for it. I failed, learned, and failed again until I got it right.

The “pits of an existence” came when I fell to my knees and considered suicide, having lost everything I'd built over 25 years, including my children, to a woman who finally admitted she had never loved me. No one was going to stop me from ending it all.  No one... but me, and that was my “Aha!” moment. This was not a solution, and it would solve nothing.  It would only doom me to an endless cycle of being a loser, until I learned to make a better choice. I had to make a better choice, and I did.  So can you.

Have you tried to tell anybody that you’re okay with anybody’s own choices, opinions, and/or beliefs?

Constantly, even the League of the Perpetually Offended. It is not my place to tell people they are wrong, especially the League. I can give them another opinion, but that is usually met with colorful epithets one can’t repeat in polite company. I never have to disagree with them or say they’re wrong. By the time they're done railing on me, they’ve usually, unwittingly, agreed with my point. All anybody can do is offer up their own opinion. It doesn’t mean either side is right, it is simply another opinion. People don’t have to agree, but the only point made with colorful epithets is a person’s inability to exercise cogent thought.

What are the best quotes on the internet for the following scenario? When a person is looking for something that doesn't exist, the quote must advise him to create it. For example, if it is a path/method that is not there, he/she should create it.

“Be inspired by others' ways, but don't follow others' ways; create your own way, follow your own way!”

-- Mehmet Murat ildan

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

-- Robert Frost

“Follow yourself, the rest will come behind you."

-- P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

And... the short answers:

How would you describe your day in 15 words or less?

Laidback, until the Kabul bombing and the death of American Marines.

What is the difference between complaining and worrying?

You can worry without making a sound.

We are all in the wrong sometimes, somehow, on something, aren't we?

No one is so perfect not to be.

When and how can we forget Covid-19?

Never. If we forget history we are truly doomed to repeat it.

I gave something important to me to my significant other, not expecting to miss it but now I do. can I ask for it back?

No. Think harder before you jump, next time.

Why do I feel like money is the friend that never leaves?

Do you “squeak when you walk” or do you actually spend any of it?

Why would my friend say “I don’t owe you shit”?

Nice friend. But, then, why do you think he owes you?

What is the line between being courageous and being crazy?

Very, very, fine.

“There's a fine line between brave and insane. I haven't decided which one I am yet.”

-- Kira Saito

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com