Questioning Perfection, Desire, and Success

 

“Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.”

-- Salvador Dali

How does enhancing your problem-solving skills increase your chances of success in life?

This haunted me my entire Air Force career. Every time a supervisor couldn’t train an airman, they were sent to my section. When I asked why me the answer I received was that I was their last chance. I never lost an airman. I was always able to save them from a possible discharge. It would have made more sense to me to have the supervisor under me for a while or discharge them. They seem to be the ones incapable of doing the job they were assigned. I became the cleanup boy. I could bring a marginal section up to an excellent in less than a year, then I was tasked to do the same with the division. My “problem-solving skills” made me a necessity. I worked to make myself a necessary evil. Be careful what you wish for.

Do you have any unfulfilled desires in your life?

Oh, my, yes! Unfortunately, my desires are a bit “exotic” and tend to run contrary to those of others. I’m of an age where I can just smile at the unrequited… and dream.

Participation in online conversations is a voluntary activity. If a conversation is not pleasing to you, why not simply decline to respond?

I decline to take part in a “conversation” that is combative. Being combative is not a conversation, it is an argument. One doesn’t generally know until the conversation has begun, whether it will be combative or unpleasing. I usually can tell when the League of the Perpetually Offended is involved, because their opening remarks are bating and usually nothing short of offensive. Cogent thought seems to escape them. I end the “conversation” immediately.

"Perhaps this is fashionable conversation - combative and unsettling, passing for casual talk."

-- Jessie Burton

At what point in life did you feel like there is a huge scope of self-improvement?

My military career. It was a “forced can-do” course for life. Failure was not an option. You learned how to fail, critique your failure, try again, and again, until success. You learned through this system of failure and critique to fail less and less as you move along. Nothing is insurmountable. If you find that it is, it probably needs to be removed or reworked.

How do people who struggled with mistakes and setbacks become more successful than perfectionists?

Failure is one of the best ways we learn. Perfectionists try to never fail, but when they do it is a royal mess. People that fail and critique their failure are better prepared to deal with it again, down the road. With all the failure they’ve overcome, it makes perfect sense they would probably be more successful in life and, very probably, happier.

Are there certain subjects you, personally, consider as "positive", whereby others coin them as "negative" and otherwise?

God. My definition of God is significantly different than most organized religions, but those who don’t believe in God, or question the existence or definitions of God, still try to put me in that box. These are usually the members of the League of the perpetually Offended who refuse to listen to what I say, even though I can try to understand their view.

My personal spirituality relies on “faith” that God exists, even though I admit that “faith” is nothing more than a belief in something for which there is little or no proof. This same faith extends to those who think God does not exist, or questions the existence or definition of God. There is no proof, either way, yet they believe what they believe. Those who question the existence of God, or the definitions, seem to also raise a question about their own faith in any belief. They seem to require proof before belief, and this is very understandable. I suppose this is why deists have faith. We don’t require proof of what we believe to be true.

It is a discussion that will continue in perpetuity. There will never be proof until death, and even then we may be reborn many times before the truth is revealed.

“There is too much negativity in the world. Do your best to make sure you aren't contributing to it.”

-- Germany Kent

If, for instance, a boy aged 15 years old gives me a slap for envious reasons of my knowledge or courage. I am 17, what can I do to retaliate, and if he insists on harming me what can I do to destroy him step by step in a calculated manner?

Nothing harmful. He is 15 and you are older, so act like it. Explain to him the problem and ask why he continues to do it. If he doesn’t stop, hang with others who appreciate you, but don’t demean your courage by lowering yourself to his level.

Everything I have ever achieved was due to strangers helping me and not my family. Is it weird that I don't care for them?

Do you really not care if those who gave you life die? What you have are mentors who cared more for your ability to achieve than they did. Parents can get wrapped up in debt and drama and forget their true priorities. Do yourself a favor and emulate your mentors when, and if, you have children.

How do you use a box as a metaphor for life?

I don’t. My life has been so “out of the box” for so long I don’t remember what the box looks like. There is no metaphor for life. It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is… again.

“There are metaphors more real than the people who walk in the street. There are images tucked away in books that live more vividly than many men and women. There are phrases from literary works that have a positively human personality. There are passages from my own writing that chill me with fright, so distinctly do I feel them as people, so sharply outlined do they appear against the walls of my room, at night, in shadows... I've written sentences whose sound, read out loud or silently (impossible to hide their sound), can only be of something that acquired absolute exteriority and a full-fledged soul.”

-- Pessoa, Fernando

Who most exemplifies the virtue of courage- the person who finds it difficult to be brave or the person who finds it easy to be courageous?

Bravery and courage are two different things. “Bravery is the ability to confront something painful or difficult or dangerous without any fear. Courage, on the other hand, is the ability to confront something painful or difficult or dangerous despite any fear.” 

So, to answer your question, it would have to be “the ability to confront something painful or difficult or dangerous despite any fear.”

I’m a perfectionist who isn’t perfect at anything so I give up on everything I try to do. What can I do to fix this?

Stop trying to attain the unobtainable. Perfection is the purview of God, not man. Once you understand that you can only be the best you can be, perfection is of no concern.

How can a white male child deal with white guilt?

They're a child, unless they’re racist what guilt would they hold? And, even then, probably as much as a child of color guilty of racism.

“The idea that you can target an ethnic group with a collective crime, regardless of the specific innocence or guilt of the constituent elements of that group — there is absolutely nothing that's more racist than that.”

-- Jordan B. Peterson

And... the short answers:

How can I help alleviate white guilt?

Are you truly “guilty” of anything you’ve done? If not, let it go.

What is a creative metaphor for "the silence a person finds" in a library?

Quiet as a tomb.

What makes life worth living?

Life! The alternative simply sucks.

What are your ideas and thoughts about what it takes to be successful at work?

Enjoy what you do, be knowledgeable about it, and be tenacious.

I get very confused, nervous, and insecure when I'm in public. What do I have?

Anxiety, probably agoraphobia.

The girl who was previously disgusted with me is now into me. Why is that? Has reality shifted?

Was she really disgusted with you? Oh, the games we play.

Do people’s refusals to answer your own questions make you stop asking questions or stop asking about any topics?

I have no good questions requiring bad answers.

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”

-- Douglas Adams

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com