Questioning Enlightenment, Love, Hostility, Doing, Hate, and Cheating

“Enlightenment is ego's ultimate disappointment.”

-- Chögyam Trungpa

Is it possible that the secret to enlightenment exists in an obscure document no one has read?

They call it a “secret” for a reason. Most enlightened people would tell you, it isn’t all that hard to become enlightened. We make it so.

I am surrounded by immature idiots. What should I do?

Leave. It isn't rocket science.

How can one distinguish a philanthropist from a pedophile?

If the philanthropist likes to diddle small children, they are a pedophile. If a pedophile promotes the welfare of others, especially by the generous donation of money to good causes, they are also a philanthropist.

Reader comment: Tony, your answer is very well structured. But I have one follow-up, “if a pedophile gives generous gifts to parents to get access to their children is he still a philanthropist”?

My reply: They are a “philanthropic pedophile."

Why does God say, "Man has become like one of Us," not "like Us"?

I try to not second-guess God. He must have a good reason for saying this.

Is it bad if I feel like I don’t belong in my friend group?

Not necessarily. You might have outgrown them. Sometimes our “group” isn’t as mature as we’d like, or vice versa. If you feel like you don’t belong, maybe you need to find a new group of friends.

What do I do if my narcissistic partner says no to sex?

Find a new partner who isn’t a narcissist, for one thing.

"Perhaps you have transferred this into a masochistic position with other men, finding a narcissistic man incredibly attractive as you try to master the mystery of winning his love. And narcissistic men appeal to you because you wish you could be that way yourself - assertive, not giving a damn, self-important - but you lack the confidence to do it yourself so you identify with the man who has their quality, even if it's at your expense."

-- Howard M. Halpern

Is it true that love never stays forever?

No. Love can indeed span the ages. True love is not a switch you can turn on and off at will. My ex-wife believed that. I hate what she did to me for 25 years, but I still love her as I always will. This is something she can’t wrap her mind around. You shouldn't tell them you do if you don’t truly love someone. I lived in her lie for over 25 years, but my love for her will stay forever. And, yes, I'm an idiot.

Reader-1 comment:  I’m sorry, I can’t see that being true that she didn’t love you from the start and more years, sometimes people say things they don’t mean but if she truly didn’t that’s awful that she was selfish & more because that whole time who knows how many passed you by that could have been the one for you. I had that too someone who acted like they had a lot of love for me but was it real nope. Just his own selfish sick reasons I guess. Did I love them? Yeah. Do I love them now? No, I don’t. I just know I wouldn’t do that to anyone and I’m good with that, I can’t control others just myself at least I try.

My reply:  In her own words, she used me as an escape from her family situation.

Reader-2 comment:  In a way it’s her loss as well not appreciating the special place she had and has in your heart. My brother’s wife left him recently after a long marriage and seems to be enjoying and celebrating her new relationship, leaving him behind. And you’d wonder if the love was real after all, or when it stopped being real. (This is my interpretation, I haven’t really discussed it with him.) Perhaps some people in a relationship feel like it’s their duty until it isn’t anymore. That would make it almost bearable but it wouldn’t be true love to me. I’m struggling with my wife’s occasional unfriendly behavior off late but I stopped taking it personally. Perhaps something in the body that changes with (old) age that people can’t help?! I don’t know. Nevertheless, I wish you all the best!

How should one respond when a manager asks to see the work they are doing?

The manager’s job is to rate quality. There may be an issue. Show it to them. 

Does a professor deserve respect even if they are behaving dogmatic and ignorant?

The “position” they hold deserves respect, not the person. If he is behaving dogmatic and ignorant, muscle through the class and report them at the end. Meanwhile, make sure you document his behavior and ignorance, with date and time. Specific documentation can end a career.

Author's comment: Thank you. I am not a student however, I am a person who made a scientific discovery and is facing terrible behavior from professors of physics. They cannot fault my math.  They neglect what I have discovered and are publicly and personally insulting me because they must be afraid of the truth.

My reply: Now the question has useful context. 

What were the most valuable lessons you learned from your yearly report?

You learn what is going wrong, and what is going right. Recommend a fix for the wrong.

Can a lack of understanding of a situation that is unraveling in front of you potentially lead to a shock of a varied degree? And if so, would you be able to think clearly?

For one thing, if a situation is unraveling in front of me. There is no lack of understanding, and the shock has already hit. Varied degree? It is a shock, the only way I will determine “varied degree” is if it varies from the initial feeling. Thinking clearly and critically is something I was trained to do in the Intelligence field. It could be that we’re all going to die, but, at least I’ll be clearly and critically aware of it.

Do people really love others for their personalities?

If they don’t have a great personality, I would never notice them, much less fall in love.

“I used to think that finding the right one was about the man having a list of certain qualities. If he has them, we'd be compatible and happy. Sort of a checkmark system that was a complete failure. But I found out that a healthy relationship isn't so much about a sense of humor or intelligence or attractiveness. It's about avoiding partners with harmful traits and personality types. And then it's about being with a good person. A good person on his own, and a good person with you. Where the space between you feels uncomplicated and happy. A good relationship is where things just work. They work because, whatever the list of qualities, whatever the reason, you happen to be really, really good together.”

-- Deb Caletti

Would throwing a pie in the face of a wild gorilla be considered a hostile act?

It depends on the gorilla. If the gorilla has a palate for pies, and the pie is good, they might take a moment to think if they should kick your ass or eat the pie. Eating the pie might cause you to throw another one, in which case the gorilla is training you. Again, it depends on the gorilla.

What do you do with a man who thinks he's so clever but isn't really?

Laugh.

How are you supposed to make a good impression at a job interview when you don’t know if you’ll be good at the job?

Honesty. You can bullshit all you want, but honesty will win the day, or you can keep on looking. If the employer doesn’t value honesty, I would have no use for them.

Would a woman prefer a big guy or a small guy?

Does she truly love him? I would hope she would prefer the man she loves.

What does this quote really say, "Keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer."? Can you briefly explain?

You know what your friends are thinking, so keeping them close is a good idea. You don’t know what your enemy is thinking, so keeping them closer will keep you in the loop. If they start to prepare for war, you are ready to confront them.

How much can we know about a person's values by finding out what their double standards are?

If they have “double standards,” I’d be questioning how honest their “values” are.

“My own sex, I hope, will excuse me, if I treat them like rational creatures, instead of flattering their fascinating graces, and viewing them as if they were in a state of perpetual childhood, unable to stand alone.”

-- Mary Wollstonecraft

What can you do?

I'm enamored by another answer. I can, also, do just about anything I put my mind to.

Why does nobody on Earth allow me on their property?

I’d be hard-pressed to think the National or State Park Service, or city parks, would ban you for no reason.

If you had a chance to change a day in your life, what would you change about it?

When I go to a casino, I’d like to leave as a "Whale" (big winner).

Good luck?

There is no such thing as luck. You can or you can’t. Knowledge makes up the difference and puts the odds in your favor. Saying you had “bad luck” is a “sad excuse” for a lack of knowledge.

How can I be more motivated for school? Are there any recommendations?

Take classes that interest you.

I'm questioning the Buddha's teaching about reputation. How to put it in words. Shouldn't one not look at another and think "his reputation is bad" but explore her/him by himself?

Buddha says to be more concerned with your character, than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, and your reputation is what others think you are. So, when you look at another person, consider their character, not what others say their reputation is.

“Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.”

-- R.J. Palacio

Have you ever been hated by yourself?

Only once, during my divorce. I got over it by realizing she used me for 25 years. I made a promise to not go down that road ever again, and I’ve been happy ever since.

Do you enjoy voyeurism?

It is the next best thing to being involved.

Do depressed people drag you down with them?

No! I stay away from “depressed people” who try to drag me down to where they are. Too much drama. I strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. It is a choice I made for my life.

I have fallen in love with my sister what to do?

Tell her. She’ll take care of it.

Are 13 to 16 girls into a 40-year-old man?

I only wish I had 13 to 16 girls enamored with me when I was 40. It would have made my divorce so much more palatable.

What are some ways to stay motivated to study when teachers are not providing much support in school?

Education is your responsibility, not theirs. They are a tool. If you don’t have a tool, you need to rely on yourself. Your motivation is education, which is a lot more interesting than being a dumbass.

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

-- Mark Twain

Can a guy love a girl and have sex with other girls and still love the original girl? What is that called?

Cheating. The guy doesn’t truly love the girl he says he loves, or he wouldn’t be cheating.

What do I do when people trap me while I am nude?

I would pee on them. I’m already nude, so I don’t have to worry about undoing a zipper to release the monster. I can pee freely on any trapper close by.

What is the term for God's ability to do anything?

Other than “God”? How about omnipotent?

Why do people feel hurt, mad, or upset when they find out they are being used by someone they love? Is this a normal reaction?

I can attest that this is pretty normal. You have put everything you have into loving someone who is only using you. You might misplace your upset emotions on them when you are, in reality, pissed at yourself for being used by someone you truly love.

Is a 13-year-old a kid or a teenager?

Does thirteen give you any clue?

How can I realize my sexual fantasy?

Do you have the big money? Bringing most "sexual fantasies" to fruition is not a cheap realization. Good luck!

“A fantasy is something produced in the imagination, allowing you to indulge in a thought life that is very different from what you experience on a day-to-day basis. Within this realm there is no fear of discovery, no worry about being shamed; here there is only the deepest of pleasures.”

-- Kahla Kiker

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com