Questioning Pain, Luck, Indecision, Attention, Shame, and the Elderly

    

“Pain and pleasure are never far apart”

-- Carol Storm

What are some things that hurt but are pleasurable and addictive at the same time?

Pant-down spankings by a dominating woman? So I've heard.  Not that I know from experience.

What are the consequences of never receiving validation from others?

You, alone, know the truth that others refuse to validate. Or, others are trying to make you realize that being a dumbass is a consequence. Never receiving validation makes it this or that, there is no middle ground. But, if you really could give a rat's patoot what others think, their validation becomes a moot point.

In your lifetime has the United States of America ever had a more humble president than Donald John Trump?

Abraham Lincoln.

Why don't people want to be responsible for their own lives?

They can try to blame everyone else for their failures, which is wrong of them, by the way. They are still responsible for not taking responsibility. They are accountable for trying to shift the burden of responsibility. So, any bad that happens to them is still their fault. You can’t blame anyone else for the misery in your life. It is up to you to rise above the pit and move on down your path. If you choose not to, it is all on you. 

Is it too late to get into theatre in my thirties?

People are doing it in their 50s. Go try out for a role. If you don’t move your feet you will get nowhere.

“I didn’t actually begin professionally acting until I was 30.”

-- Katey Sagal

My grandfather whose family has a long line of being superstitious, believing in good and bad luck/ old traditions, says finding the bay leaf in your food is considered lucky, is there an origin to this?

I think grandfather is pulling your leg.

I never tried in high school and dropped out. How do I develop the skills necessary to succeed in college?

It requires “trying,” so don’t be surprised if fail at it. Try passing a GED (General Educational Development Test).

“What Is a GED? The General Educational Development Test consists of four subject tests, that once passed, earn you a high school equivalency credential. The four subjects are language arts, math, social studies, and science. Does this sound familiar? If so, it's because they're subjects commonly taught in high school.” — GED.com 

What are some of the ways of defending the integrity of a nation?

I’m not sure why this came to mind, but, secure borders.

What can someone do to earn your loyalty?

You get what you give. Loyalty is a “virtue” you just don’t hand out like candy. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of a virtue you would. Virtues are shared among those who have great respect for them. If you don't respect “virtues” it reflects the kind of person you are.

Has President Biden’s State of the Union set new records for promises and accomplishments made to the American people?

No, but it did set new records for the amount of bullshit packed into the SOTU.

"The welfare of our country is the great object to which our cares and efforts ought to be directed, and I shall derive great satisfaction from a cooperation with you in the pleasing though arduous task of ensuring to our fellow citizens the blessings which they have a right to expect from a free, efficient, and equal government."

-- President George Washington

Why do you believe college is required to be successful?

It isn’t. Success in life is making the choice to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. Attaining goals in life is what we do if we persevere, but what is the point of attaining goals if we aren’t happy doing them? Better to be happy first. It is so much less stressful.

How do I stay positive in exams and keep a positive mindset? I'm a 10th grader.

You studied the material, you should know it. Knowing the material you should have a positive mindset. Answer the questions, or study the material more. It isn’t rocket science. 

Why do hard-working and smart people tend to underestimate their efforts?

“Smart” people never underestimate their efforts, “intelligent” people do. It is the reason why most happy people who have attained their goals in life are both smart and intelligent. It is a rare combination to find. Those that think they are, usually aren’t. Those that don’t even consider it, usually are.

Does indecision have negative consequences?

Nothing gets done in a timely manner.

How do you handle a person who's loudly speaking on their phone when you’re trying to enjoy your dinner in a restaurant?

People who do this are either clueless or just assholes. I usually figure they’re assholes. Pick up your plate and go sit with them. When they ask what you’re doing, tell them in an equally loud voice, “I figured, if I have to listen to your conversation during my meal, I might as well join you so you don't have to talk so loudly. Please, continue. I’m sure everyone else in the restaurant is equally as interested in your bullshit conversation as I am.  Or, tell the people you're talking to that you'll call them back, as all of us are in the middle of a nice, quiet, dinner."

They will call you names, so be prepared to smile and tell them that you expected nothing less from them.

“Rudeness is a means to attract attention, assert power, cover up ineptitude, deflect personal insecurities, and intimidate meeker people.”

-- Kilroy J. Oldster

I overindulge in other people’s opinions to the point where they have greater autonomy over my mind than me. How can I become more discerning of these opinions?

Opinions are not facts, they’re just ideas, and ideas, like opinions, are not all good. When you hear an idea or an opinion, recognize it for what it is, “unsubstantiated” knowledge. If you can do this, you can, now, go about substantiating it. Your mind is free, so don’t allow anyone to think for you.

Why do so many teenagers come to [this site] to seek attention?

One could ask the same question of most adults, here. I’m pretty sure the answer is similar.

How do I pick up and disappear from everyone and everything I know? Where do I start?

Legally change your name, then transfer any money into new accounts and get a new debit and credit card. Pay all your bills, cancel all utilities, and leave. To anyone but the IRS, you don’t exist. If people check with the IRS, unless they know your new name, you still don’t exist. Or, make less money than you have to claim, don’t use credit or debit cards, don’t drive, and stay off everyone’s radar. Becoming nothing really isn’t that hard, you just can’t live well enough to become something.

Why do bad things keep happening in the news?

Because “bad” sells better than “good” when it comes to news. People like to keep up with what’s wrong in the world.

Using your terms, development, and fidelity, what is the value of terms that are essentially contestable? How do these terms differ from others described as well-defined?

They give balance to the universe. Without “contestable” how would we know “well defined”? This, therefore, is because of that. We know “light” because we have experienced “dark,” just as we know “good” because we have experienced “bad” and “sweet” because of “bitter.” The universe would not be if it weren’t for balance.

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”

-- Jelaluddin Rumi

Is it problematic to not be ambitious? My friends say everyone should have ambition, but I don’t feel that I need to achieve things to be happy.

“Should” is the operative word. Yes, everyone should have ambition. Folks that feel the way you do, don’t. If you have achieved true happiness in life, it is more than most people can claim. Personally, if you are truly happy, I think you have achieved an ambition without even realizing it. Your friends should be so lucky.

If you had difficulties in socializing with people, what did you do to become a better person despite your emotional and social problems?

I developed a sense of humor. Required, if you contemplate joining the military, and joining the military will take care of any emotional or social issue you have.

How can elderly people find meaning/purpose to live through their remaining years?

I’ll be 70 in October. I don’t think about it. Every day when I wake I thank God for the “gift” of another day in paradise and another chance to excel in life. My girlfriend is also approaching 70, and she went out and got a job she’s been working now for several years. She enjoys the job and the people. I take care of my elderly mother. She gave me 18 years of her life, so I can give her back 18 years of mine. Any day on this side of the dirt is a wonderful day to celebrate. The alternative simply sucks, so don’t think about it. Better that you mentor the young or selflessly volunteer. There are many volunteer opportunities to be had. 

What do you think about patience in the future?

I hope I learn to practice it. Patience and I are strange bedfellows.

Can someone like me change despite my past faults?

Change is the only true constant in the universe. We change daily, whether we know it or not. If you want to change, don’t let your past faults stand in the way. Change is a choice, so make it a good one.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

-- Lao Tzu

How can I heal from shame?

Life is all about learning lessons. Shame, not unlike guilt, is your conscience giving you an opportunity to learn from the lesson that caused you shame. Learn the lesson to mitigate shaming yourself in the same way, and press on down your path. Brooding over shame will gain you nothing. Guilt is something you can learn from and try to correct. Shame is something only time can heal.

Let’s say I made amends from the past but people's reactions are going to be like okay or whatever like they were never hurt or I know they never took it personally. What can I do now?

If the “amends” were heartfelt, why should you do anything more? You have done what you intended. People can accept it or not. It is their choice.

Why are we most likely to believe the party who first tells us his side of the story (even if it proves to be a lie)?

We haven’t heard from the other side. I have a rule that serves me pretty well. If it sounds too good to be true, it problem is. I wait to hear the other side of the story before I make any decision on validity.

How can I avoid my friend when I just found out that I'm only his second choice? I've been observing him for the past 4 months and I finally found that I'm only his second choice when hanging out with somebody. It really hurts every time I see him.

You don’t have a “best” friend? I have many “friends” and some are easier to deal with than others. It doesn’t make them bad, but, subconsciously, they become my second choice. 

Would it make you feel better if your childhood bully apologized?

No, however, it might make him feel better to act mature. Assholes from my childhood have played a role in my destiny, and, so far, life has dealt me no lemons. If anything, I would probably thank him for being the asshole that made me stronger and I’d congratulate him on growing up.

“You can’t change your past, but you do still own it... I can’t take back the names I called him, and the threats I made toward him, but I can apologize... It doesn’t excuse my behavior as a child in any way, but as an adult, it’s the best I can do to try to make it up to him.”

-- Louie Amundson

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com