Questioning Bullies, Math, Questions, Value, Decisions, and Ugly

 

“If you think something is ugly, look harder. Ugliness is just a failure of seeing.”

-- Matt Haig

How do former bullies develop moral values to respect other human beings?

Many do. I know the bully I nearly beat into a coma with a tree branch never bullied someone smaller than them again. Understanding comes at them from many directions. The military is one way to change their attitude. Being confronted by others who can make or break you is a sobering fact of life for bullies who think they’re all that.

What are some life lessons you wish you would've known when you were younger?

Failure is simply an opportunity to learn, so don’t stress over it.

Why do I feel I have no value when nobody likes me? How can I stop feeling like this? This feeling is so terrible.

You make a mistake when you base your “value” on what other people think. What you think your value is, is so much more important than some hypocrite who dares to judge you. When you rely on others you set yourself up for failure. The only person you can truly trust to stand beside you… is you. You should be out there making friends, not waiting for “friends” to find you.

If you’re serious that you might be doing something that puts people off, ask people why they don’t find you likable. Sometimes, confronting the issue head-on can garner a lot of benefits.

Why don't many people like hearing about any kind of science?

Understanding science is beyond many. They’d rather hear fingernails down a blackboard.

What is the importance of context?

“What did I do?”

Where is the context? Were you on a date? At work? Helping someone? What makes you think you did anything? Are you a woman, man, or transgender? I get requests to answer these kinds of questions all the time, but you can’t answer because you can’t understand what the circumstances are to clarify the question.

Context definitions: “The circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed. The parts of something written or spoken that immediately precede and follow a word or passage and clarify its meaning.”

-- Oxford Languages 

If I am bad at math, will I fail in life?

No. I suck at math. It scares me to the point that I never got my BA degree because a math class was involved. I have not, however, failed in life. I had a great career in military intelligence, which, by the way, required math. I love physics and quantum theory, but the thought of learning math just puts me on pins and needles. This is from a man who helped his son with algebra.

On the flip side, I’ve had two great careers, and my last boss called me back into service so I could be his “boots on the ground” during a reconstruction of a country club.

I will give you a secret to success in life: Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. It is a simple choice we all should make before we begin school and start learning. As a conscious choice, it becomes sustainable until you change your choice, which would be counterproductive to happiness.

By the way, if someone tells you, .9 x infinity = 1, tell them they left .1 x infinity out in left-field somewhere, so it will never equal 1 unless they put an “x” factor into the equation, which is cheating.

Is jealousy also caused by selfishness?

Jealousy is caused by desire.

To which degree are people dependent on someone else's control for their sense of satisfaction? I know I feel accomplished when I complete my taxes, but often, in my strides for independence and fairness, I exist in a grey area of uncertainty.

If you depend on others for your own sense of satisfaction, be prepared for disappointment. The only person you can count on for satisfaction is you, and even that can, at times, be questionable.

If you knew for a fact that your bullying people led to them ending their lives, would you laugh out loud with delight, deny it was even possible, not care, or maybe, for a few seconds, feel icky about what you helped cause to happen?

There is a fine line between sociopath and psychopath.

Why is it important to understand that success is not about being perfect or never failing?

Failure is the best way we learn. You step back, critique what you did in order to discover why you failed, and then you do it again and again until you do it right. If someone tells you they’ve never failed, they’re either lying, or you need to stay away from what they’re doing… before it blows up. Everyone fails, and everyone learns.

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

-- Winston S. Churchill

Why does it seem like here in the last month? There are a lot of very stupid questions. Does anyone agree with me? I'm getting really aggravated with people who want to play games.

Well, your first question makes little sense.

How do I outsmart people that take you for a joke example stupid convos head games? Constantly making you think dumb useless things. Also, they always talk about why and treat you like a punk, calling you names under their breath and stuff.

You don’t. Getting involved in immature bullshit should be below you. As it sounds, finding a better class of people to hang around with shouldn’t be too hard. Rising above the bottom is a matter of standing up.

What are some signs you are significantly more intelligent than most people?

When you realize most people are not as intelligent as you. “Uh” is not an answer.

Why do people who are considered well-read get some admiration while people who tend to watch TV or lots of movies get none or maybe a little unless they are “actively” watching?

Well-read is not about reading. Well-read is about reading the right things, the classics, articles, and books that educate and open the mind to make you think “why?” Poetry, religion, philosophy, politics, economics, and the like. The “boob tube” offers some content that can fulfill this, but, in general, there are only a few channels that pay attention to informing, instead of entertaining. For instance, most “news” channels provide content they have slanted to their version of the truth, instead of simply reporting the facts.

What would be the last thing you would ever do?

Breathe.

“Death smiles at us all, all a man can do is smile back.”

-- Marcus Aurelius

What are some signs that someone does not value themselves?

“Cutting” would be a big tell. Talk of suicide. Drug use. Sex with multiple strangers (as opposed to sex with multiple friends). Personally, I can’t even think of diving out of a perfectly good aircraft, so anything that risks life or limb, to me, shows a lack of self-value. It certainly seems like a slap across the face to anyone who cares for them. A good “pant down” spanking, on the other hand, can keep a person on the straight and narrow.

What is the difference between something that makes you happy and something that is just a temporary feeling?

One is just a temporary feeling. Is this another trick question? 

Why do people judge childless women?

I certainly don’t. Maybe she’s made a choice for her life. Or, maybe she’s just looking for good breeding stock. One should not judge lest they, themselves, be judged. 

Reader comment:  My sister is one of the kindest people in the theatre world and she and my brother-in-law chose to be child-free. I stayed single because I didn't want a relationship. I have friends who I love. I always wonder how many women have died in childbirth because they were nagged and bullied into it in the first place. On the other hand, a woman who enjoys sex but won't take some responsibility for contraception is selfish.  Sorry, the world, not the theatre world. My predictive text likes playing tricks on me.

My reply:  I agree with your “selfish” comment, and I understand your “predictive” text issue. Thank you, Annie!

What are the signs that someone wants to be alone, either for happiness or sadness?

They tell you, they ignore your overtures to help, or they simply ignore you. Personally, either way, I go to a casino, get a nice room, and hang out around the pool, especially if the pool has a bar in it. Number me one happy man.

Why is it that many INTJs are really bad at picking up subtle behavioral clues?

They’re really bad INTJs, or you have them confused with people who give a shit. 

“Their inner world is often a private, complex one.” So, it seems to me that they don’t pay attention to the subtle behavioral clues of others. They focus on introspection more than the people around them.

"INTJ (introversion, intuitive, thinking, judging) is a four-letter code acronym used to represent one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types.

People with the INTJ personality type tend to be highly independent, confident, and self-sufficient individuals. They are analytical, creative, and driven.

INTJs are sometimes referred to as “the Architect” or “the Scientist,” “the Strategist,” or “the Mastermind.” ESFP is the opposite of the INTJ personality type."

-- simplupsychology.org

Such a big part of success is getting yourself into a position of power so you can leverage more options. So why is there so little practical advice out there to actually make that happen?

Success is being truly happy in life. What you question is attaining a primary goal that allows you to leverage attaining more goals. There is plenty of advice out there pertaining to attaining knowledge, working hard, and persevering. If everyone could do it, we’d all be wealthy and powerful. The “powerful” keep the information close to their vest. Generally, attaining a “position of power” has a lot to do with attaining knowledge and a position of wealth.

Is it possible to do all you ask of me without you following me?

Yes. It’s called slavery.

How do you make yourself realize quickly after making the wrong decision?

If I’m “making me realize,” then I already realize. Making me would be redundant. Making the wrong decision becomes evident pretty quickly for anyone that isn’t asleep at the wheel. It becomes a mistake, and a mistake is a failure. We didn’t make a good decision. However, failure is the best way we learn. Failure is life presenting us with an opportunity to learn. We learn so we can mitigate the mistake from ever happening again.

What are the life situations or events that can reveal the true attitude of the people around you?

Life-threatening emergencies. Stress separates the wheat from the chaff, those that talk from those that do. 

How can you help someone who needs help but you can’t afford it?

Only if she’s a high-class hooker that plans on charging me for my help. Helping someone is selfless giving of oneself. It rarely involves money as much as it involves physical labor, advice, a shoulder to cry on, or a hand up.

“The waitress had the appearance of a very old hooker who had finally found her place in life”

-- Hunter S. Thompson

How do I deal with people in a group, for example, a project in school and they avoid eye contact with me I make myself important, and "giving" to the conversation, but avoid eye contact with me as if I don’t exist?

You don’t. They know how essential you are to attaining their goal, but they don’t want to give you credit. Find a group that really needs your help, but always be humble in your efforts.

What do you want to hear from someone who's been drinking?

Snoring, or how handsome I am. It depends on how drunk they are. 

How do I stop feeling ugly and useless?

Stop hanging around people who think you’re ugly and find something you can do selflessly to make yourself feel useful. There are many volunteer opportunities.

How do I deal with the regret of making a decision which ended up being the wrong choice during Covid which led me to fail big and waste 3~4 years of my life? I'm trying to move on but the missed opportunity due to a wrong choice haunts me a lot.

Get over it. The more time you spend in the “pity pool” is lost time you can spend moving forward. Failure is the best way we learn. Have you learned anything from your failure? I hope so because it probably won’t be the last. Life presents us with opportunities to learn. Critique why you failed, learn from it, correct it if you can, and move forward. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow hasn’t come, but today is at hand. Learn today so you can do better tomorrow. 

What are some of the most thought-provoking quotes or sayings that have stuck with you over time?

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

-- Winston S. Churchill

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Failure is life providing us with an opportunity to learn."

-- F.A. Villari

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com