Questioning Goals, Partners, Kindness, Hate, and Wrong

 

“What you stay focused on will grow.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

I am better at explaining things in my mind than saying them out loud. How do I fix that?

Think then write. If you can write what you think, then speak. Your mind has a filter to your mouth that you need to overcome. See if the filter extends to your writing. If it doesn’t, write what you think, then speak it. Practice this until the filter to your mouth is corrected. I have no filter. I speak what my mind thinks, good or bad, and it gets me into dutch, more times than not.

What are your personal goals?

Approaching 70, I’d like to continue being truly happy always and in all things, and I’d like to outlive my mother since I’m her caregiver.

What principle do you live your life and how did it help you learn about others in your life?

I strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. You learn who is truly happy and who allows unwanted drama into their life. People who are looking for “happy” tend to gravitate to you. 

Why is it so that we usually expect too much? What are the ways that we could be self-sufficient and we don't need anyone anymore because people always hurt us?

Stop expecting. If you expect, you open yourself to disappointment. Do your job and strive to be happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances, or expectations. 

How do you encourage and educate your teams to be fast in the execution of tasks?

Fast, or fast and accurate? Fast is not an issue, but paying attention to detail can be an issue. Education relies on encouragement, and encouragement is removal from the team if they don’t measure up to a standard. There is no better encouragement than the loss of a paycheck. The “incentive” for them to get with the program is ensuring that if they work hard, you will let them play hard.

“The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.”

-- Phil Jackson

How do you live with a negative partner and not break up?

Stupidity. I suffered from stupidity for 25 years of marriage, trying to hold it together while trying to keep the wagon moving, not realizing the horse was dead. If the partner is negative, don’t let them make you wade in their pool. Get out while you still have a life.

I remarked to my partner that I don't have any enemies and he replied “Don't be so sure of that”. Does he know something I don’t? Why would he say that?

Ask him. If he has no cogent answer, tell him to keep his “pie hole” shut and stop ruining your mood. Maybe he’s jealous.

What are some of the best strategies for being time conscious?

Understand that “time” is nothing more than a human construct developed to give life structure. Pay more attention to being “project” conscious. Projects might need to be completed in the required time. List the projects on a chart with the due date and work on the projects to meet that date. If you work the time and not the project, quality will suffer. Work on the project to ensure quality, and make the time constraints. You might find you have too many projects, or that you are incapable of producing quality under time constraints. This is something management needs to decide on - quality or deadlines? 

Are advocate personality types loving, sweet, open, patient, warm, and understanding?

It would depend on if that’s what they advocate. 

When I make a decision it keeps changing, why does this happen and what should I do to keep my decision strong?

What drives the changes? Is it your decision or the reason for the decision? If it’s the decision, you need to take more time to consider it. If it’s the reason for the decision, stop making decisions until the reason is fully understood. 

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.

The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.

If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.”

-- Deepak Chopra

 Why does kindness cause others to underestimate you?

They don’t know my background, although, most of the people I deal with are aware of my military service. Very few ever underestimate me.

How can I say "nail in the coffin" in a positive way? As in the last thing I did to get something to work in my favor?

“That's the final nail in the coffin.” It's only positive if you're done and ready to bury it.

What is one habit I can pick in 2023 to become successful?

In life, be truly happy.  In business, learn good work ethics. A lot of businesses need people with good work ethics.

Why do some people refuse to take any accountability for their toxicity and poor decisions in life?

They are immature. They have no concept of personal responsibility.

How do you bridge the intention-action gap? How do you realize, and materialize your ambitions?

History is paved with good intentions. Change, however, only occurs when you take action. If you want to bridge the gap, take some action. How do you realize your ambitions? Again, thinking about it is not the same as doing it. Talk is cheap. Action is when the rubber hits the road and your ambition starts to move forward. Make a choice. Think or do.

“ONE OF THE MAIN BARRIERS to turning knowledge into action is the tendency to treat talking about something as equivalent to actually doing something about it. Talking about what should be done, writing plans about what the organization should do, and collecting and analyzing data to help decide what actions to take can guide and motivate action. Indeed, rhetoric is frequently an essential first step toward taking action. But just talking about what to do isn’t enough. Nor is planning for the future enough to produce that future. Something has to get done, and someone has to do it. Yet,”

― Jeffrey Pfeffer

Why is it always me that people hate?

You need to discover what you do that makes people hate you. You can start by asking the people who hate you, why they hate you. That can be an eye-opener for them, as well as you.

Am I just lazy when I don't want to do anything but I would want to if I had more energy?

If you’re full of shit and lie to yourself all the time, then, yes you probably are.

Is "do what makes you happy" always good advice?

It is always good advice. Sometimes you have to do what you don’t like, just to make ends meet, but you should always strive to get that job that makes you truly happy in your work.

What are some things people can give up for good?

Anything that isn’t needed for survival.

How can you stop someone from taking advantage of you while still being kind?

Kindness takes many forms. If they take advantage, stop what they take advantage of. Teaching to not take advantage is, in itself, kindness. You can give a man a fish, or teach the man to fish. Which will feed him longer?

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”

-- P.G. Wodehouse

What is it you do when you don’t know what to pray for and struggle with doubt and feelings of hopelessness? I feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start in prayer, because it’s so much that I need God's help with. What to do? I feel empty.

Pray for the strength of faith, for hope. Pray for the fullness of God’s love for you. You are never forgotten, you are never empty, and you are never without hope. God is always with you, waiting for you to start learning the lessons and utilizing the help that has presented itself to you. I will bet that God has been with you all this time and you keep missing the help you’ve been given because you can’t see the forest of all the trees you keep putting in the way.

Make the choice to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances and struggles. It is a simple choice to be happy always. You are overwhelmed with doubt, feelings, and confusion, but you still have God? Let go of any doubt, feelings, or confusion you might be feeling. Your brain is so so full of all this crap that you can’t even see the one who never left you.

Take a breath and be at peace.

If I told you something about me that is not true and want or expect you to affirm or acknowledge it, is it rude or inappropriate for me to do so?

I don’t know you, so it might be more ignorant, than anything else.

"I started several businesses and all of them failed except one" the lesson I have learned through this experience was sometimes you must lie and be greedy. Is it the right way/mindset to earn profit? Do you have other experience/lesson/approach?

Attaining a goal by being a greedy liar. And it stops where? You can't ever find true happiness on a path paved with greed and lies. You die as you lived, and all the money in the world won’t save your soul. Something to shoot for, though.

What is wrong with a mindset that says "I'm not worth it"?

You’ve already lost, and you risk everyone agreeing with you.

Is work necessary to live happily?

Nope. As we see in the U.S., you can be happily homeless or on welfare. Of course, someone is working so they can pay taxes to keep you that way, so one might say that work, by someone, is necessary.

“This is the real secret of life -- to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.”

-- Alan Watts

What does it mean when people say "I'm so comfortable right now"?

“Why are you screwing with me?”

Do you always “mind your own business” when you see something wrong?

No, I’m usually the first to get in someone’s face over it. If they cop an attitude… well, that probably wouldn’t be a smart idea. I can be very loud, at those times when I’m very right. 

If a soldier calls home from overseas, what will happen?

His mother will faint.

What does “When nothing is wrong, there's nothing wrong - except there’s nothing wrong." mean to you?

Check your six. If there’s nothing wrong, it’s an anomaly. You probably aren’t aware enough, It might behoove you to look a little harder.

What are some quotes about peace, war, and justice?

Try this:

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”

-- Mahatma Gandhi

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com