Questioning Love, Humor, Change, Learning, and Goals

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

-- Stephen Chbosky

Can we love human beings again?

I’m going to hate myself for asking, but, what have you been loving, so far?

Is there anybody who wants to regret something?

There’s always someone who will regret something, whether they want to or not. But, if they want to regret it, they already have, or they wouldn’t think about the regret.

Author's questions:  What's the benefit of regret? And why do we regret?

My reply:  It is a way of “spanking” ourselves for what we did or didn’t do. We "regret" so we might mitigate putting ourselves in the position to regret again.

How can a loyal person be faithful?

Definition of “faithful”: Remaining loyal and steadfast.

Why do people respect tradition so much and never focus on the future, and progressing instead?

For most, if you lose your traditions you lose your identity. I’m an American Sicilian so I focus on cooking Sicilian recipes. It reminds me of my family culture. It doesn’t prevent me from focusing on my future or progressing, it simply gives me something good to eat. I love to eat Sicilian food.

What do you think about good thinking or overthinking?

Good thinking is not overthinking. Overthinking can waste precious time and, often, lead to confusion.

“The sharpest minds often ruin their lives by overthinking the next step, while the dull win the race with eyes closed.”

-- Bethany Brookbank

How do I introduce myself with a sense of humor?

When I introduce myself I always throw in that, if you can’t remember my name, “Hey you!” will get the same response. If someone specifically asks my name, I usually respond with, “Hey you!”

What are some things that leaders have done?

Watch a “spy balloon” cross the entire United States before having it shot down.

What's the dumbest thing you've ever done and realized you were stupid And you were fortunate not to be punished? And did you understand your lesson?

I contemplated suicide during my divorce. She took everything and the kids. I realized at the last minute how selfish it was, and was lucky I didn’t follow through with it. I made the conscious choice to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. I have been truly happy for 20 years. Any day on this side of the dirt is a great day to excel.

If I would like to embody courage and bravery, while not doing anything rash, how can I do it if I am a couch potato?

Join the Marines. It will solve all your issues including the “couch potato.”

Has anyone worked hard for something that they didn't really care about?

Not on a bet. I work hard for things I care about. I sidestep those things I really don’t care about. Why would you work hard for something you give a shit less about? I have too many meaningful things I really care about that I need to pay attention to.

“The pretty ones are usually unhappy. They expect everyone to be enamored of their beauty. How can a person be content when their happiness lies in someone else's hands, ready to be crushed at any moment? Ordinary-looking people are far superior, because they are forced to actually work hard to achieve their goals, instead of expecting people to fall all over themselves to help them.”

-- J. Cornell Michel

What does “It’s important to stay true to yourself and never change for anyone else.” mean?

It means not walking into any “shower” that the Nazis built. It means to use your own brain and not fall for some foolish indoctrination. It means that you choose your fate, not someone else. You have the freedom to choose who you are, and who you want to be, and no one has the right to choose for you.

Why do my sister and father look down on me when I just want to do the right thing?

I would be concerned for them.

How can you avoid arguing when discussing a topic?

The person in control of their voice is usually in control of the conversation. If you’re “discussing” there is no reason to argue, call people names, or cuss them out. Keep in mind that it’s a discussion, with points and counterpoints. Arguing occurs when one side runs out of points or counterpoints, or when one side is really too stupid to see the forest for all the trees. They tend to reach into their shallow backpack for the old discussion killer - “Because!” This is when you know it’s time to excuse yourself to have a glass of bourbon and relax. You really can’t cure terminal stupidity.

Do your friends support you in bad times?

Always, or they wouldn’t be real friends. They would be acquaintances.

How do you all heal? What process needs to happen because I'm lost?

The process of finding you is probably a good bet. If you know where you are you aren’t really lost. Lost is a choice you make and can unmake. Look in a mirror and there you are. Ta-da!

As far as healing, there will usually be a scar, depending on how deep the cut was. Scars are memories that prevent us from doing the same crap over and over. If we do it over and over, we aren’t just “lost,” we’re lost and incapable of learning. No one keeps touching a hot stove that has half a brain. 

“Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.”

-- Cormac McCarthy

What are important things to teach my sister who is 20?

Keep her legs together until she’s 30.

What are the ways/things to do in life to get ahead of 99% of people?

Think for yourself. Plan ahead. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. If the person would never do that, they probably didn’t. The way it’s always been done doesn’t make it the most efficient way to do it. If you’re intelligent, it doesn’t mean you’re smart. There is no free lunch. If a politician speaks, well, you get the idea. Don’t follow the lemmings off the cliff. Think for yourself, and always do the right thing. 99% of people might be educated, but they still have no clue. 

I am trying to maintain the consistency ladder, but I keep falling. Do you have any particular advice?

Maintain it, don’t get on it. Change is the only constant in the universe.

If I'm so left behind academically. Do I need to focus on the present subjects and work them out then if I don't know what to do, do I need to go back a little to understand and do a thing? Can I still even work it out if I'm left behind?

If your goal is to keep up with everyone else, then you need to understand at their pace. If your goal is to learn, however, it might mean you have to ignore the pace and focus on present subjects, yadda, yadda, yadda. Ask questions and understand before you move forward. Many online courses allow you to work at your own pace.

What are Opportunities vs. Problems?

If there is a problem there is also an opportunity to solve it. Problems create opportunities to excel.

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger--but recognize the opportunity.”

-- John F. Kennedy

 Why is it so difficult for us to give up on goals and relationships even when we know it’s not healthy and things ultimately aren’t going to work out?

We really hate to lose.  For many of us, we'll go down with the ship before we ever think of giving up.  And, if it deals with a relationship, we especially hate to lose if the target of our affection is drop-dead gorgeous.

Why is it that some talented software developers have no money?

They’re talented software developers, not investment counselors.

Why do some people think it’s okay to be vile and vindictive to someone else as long as it doesn't badly affect their own success?

Why do people think being “vile and vindictive” will only affect their success? It will affect who you are and how people see you. This, alone, should discourage one from being an ass. Being vile and vindictive will affect their happiness, relationships, success, and their life, in general. Karma simply doesn’t care how insidious it can be to those who earn karma’s attention. Better to not be vile and vindictive.

Can you give an example of lazy thinking?

Doing things the way they’ve always been done instead of thinking of a more efficient process?

Would you agree with the statement that ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’ or would your emotions steer you away from this line of thought?

Revenge is a dish best left to karma. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Why would one damn themselves along with the idiot who wronged them? When you see the shot, bleeding, and dying in the street, let your smiling face be the last thing they see on earth, and then thank karma for the opportunity. Shoving your finger in the bullet hole might make you feel better when the scream and writhe in pain, but karma will come back for you.   It might come back for you because of that smile.

Author's comment: What smile?

My reply: The one you give them as you finger that bullet hole.

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”

-- Jessica Brody

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com