Happiness: Who Is Responsible? (Updated post from 10/27/15)

 

"Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris."

(To the unhappy it is a comfort to have had company in misery.)

-- Mephistopheles

As I am sure it is of great comfort to the miserable to have company in said misery, it bodes the question: Why would one voluntarily want to be in the company of misery?  It makes my head hurt to dwell on it and makes me sad for those who would volunteer.

As the doldrums of winter approach, I see comments from those around me, those in my circle,  and some readers around the world, alluding to the miseries of life.  I wrote about this topic the middle of January this year (see You're Already There) when the end of the 2014 holiday season left many people wanting more from life.  I totally intend to sound cold and detached, because pissing some people off seems to be the only way to get their attention.  So, in keeping with this philosophy, well... Boo, hoo!  Maybe it's time to learn how to wipe the tears away, get up off the ground... and suck it up, Buttercup.

As I sat watching television last evening, a commercial for a special where they were going to bury people alive in order to confront their fear, sparked an immediate response from me.  It reminded me of military basic training.  Nobody is in real danger.  This is all about your mindset.  

If you understand military basic training is just a game meant to try to break your spirit, you also understand that, by not buying into the game and waiting them out, it will soon be over and you can be on your way.  The big key, here, is that the test is finite in length, and you know the length.  The same holds true with this TV special.  

Once you come to the understanding there are people monitoring you, medical personnel on standby, others there to dig you up at a moment's notice, and there is a known time limit, then there should be no trepidation about being buried alive.  I don't care what releases you sign, I would think if you die due to their negligence your family becomes a part owner in the TV network, and they are there to make sure that brother "Bubba" doesn't sit on the network's board of directors.  You stand a better chance of spontaneous combustion while watching a political debate than dying on their watch. 

"Better to be the light of hope than another anchor of despair."

-- Unknown

My point is, that your alleged misery is your misery.  Where most prisoners of war realize this early on and try to build some semblance of normalcy out of their environment, some of us choose to wallow in self-pity.  

A POW will learn to create a new reality for themselves, and their fellows, out of their situation, whereas some of us accept the seeming hopelessness of our situation and simply give up on ourselves as if we're content to wallow in the crap we've created, and many of us are.  But, the POW must learn to live in a created fantasy world or slowly die mentally and physically.  The big difference, between them and us, is that they are in a brutal prison and have no other choice but to make their lives better.  We, on the other hand, have a choice to rise above our issues and make our lives better. We can leave our "prison" whenever we choose.  So, when you consider the other "prisoners" around you, why would any of them want to listen to how miserable you are?  Better to be the light of hope than to be another anchor of despair.

"If misery loves company, misery has company enough."

-- Henry David Thoreau

Airline safety briefing:  "Put on your oxygen mask first before assisting the passenger next to you." You can't truly take care of others until you learn to take care of yourself, mentally as well as physically. Nor can you truly love others until you learn to love yourself. Believe it or not, it truly is all about you. It is all about each of us, and how we treat ourselves. 

Who is responsible for your happiness? You are! And, who, then, is responsible for your misery? Again, you are! If you feel the need to blame someone, or something else, for the misery you created by making a free choice, how sad that is for you?  If you allow your circumstance to continue without taking a stand against it, how masochistic is that of you? If you can't, or won't take a stand against it, then learn to live with it; learn to be happy with your circumstances, and stop dragging everyone else down with you. We all make our own bed to sleep in.  If your choice is to wallow in a pit of self-pity, then embrace it and be happy in it, but stop complaining about it, because the rest of us really don't want to hear it, much less join you.

One word of caution for those willing to take a stand for something better, for those willing to take ownership of their circumstances. A good friend of mine warns, "If you stir the pot, be prepared to lick the spoon." I would add that, if your life sucks, smile and be thankful you're at least alive to lick the damned spoon, because, for some of us, the alternative to life really sucks.

Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances, and you will have sustainable happiness in your life.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com