Wasted Tears (Updated and republished from 7/12/14)

"There are few things in life sadder than tears wasted,

save tears themselves."

-- Frank A. Villari

450 years before the birth of Christ, the Greek poet, Sophocles, said, "There is no sense crying over spilt milk.  Why bewail what is done and cannot be recalled?"  By the same token, you should not fret over those things you can do nothing about.  Is this supposed to make grief easier to bear?  I think not.  On the contrary, William Shakespeare says, "To weep is to make less the depth of grief."  I have found this to be true for many people, including me.  I find it best to not cry for no good reason, and then I fail.  There are few things in life sadder than tears wasted, save tears themselves.

We cry for a variety of reasons, and not all of them are necessarily bad.  We cry when sad or happy.  We cry at the loss of a loved one, or at the birth of a baby.  We cry when we lose something cherished, and when we get a gift of something desired.  We cry when we laugh too hard and we cry when someone else cries.

Personally, I cry at the drop of a hat.  I always have, and it was always a source of embarrassment for my daughter who has witnessed my tearful displays numerous times as we watched such cinematic classics as the 1963 Disney film, "The Incredible Journey" and the 1993 Disney remake, "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey."  Both of these masterpieces required a large box of tissue which she was eager to fetch prior to the start of each film.  For me, the moment doesn't even have to concern living beings.  In the Star Trek movie franchise, I cried when the starship Enterprise was destroyed, and I cried when the Android, Data, gave his life to save everyone in the final offering of that particular franchise.

I came to two conclusions some time ago.  One is that it takes a real man to wear pink and make it look good.  And two is that real men cry.  Hey, real men can be sensitive.  Get over yourself.  Real men cry as the antithesis of our sense of humor.  The more heartfelt our tears, the more we laugh.  A man who can cry simply displays evidence of his ability to feel deep emotion, while the man who holds it in exhibits fear of what others might think.  Many men see tears as a sign of weakness.  I think this is bullshit.  A leader should never fear to show emotions, when appropriate.

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either."

-- Golda Meir

I happened upon a new philosophy for dealing with loss.  Well, new for me anyway.  And it comes from far out in left-field, though one will recognize why the author of this "philosophy" should not really surprise anyone.  We spend so much time crying and bemoaning the loss, the end of an era, a relationship, family, or friends.  But I ask you to consider this gem:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

-- Dr. Seuss

I suppose I did this at the passing of my father.  I still haven't cried, and it has been more than three years.  I excuse it because my father died years before that when he had his first stroke.  He was never that same, he wasn't the dad I remembered.  So, I smile because I remember what went before because it all happened.

But how does this help me when I see kids in a children's hospital that fight for life and greet death with much more dignity and understanding than any mature adult possibly could?  I cannot visit a children's ward.  Dying children affect me in a way that crushes my heart while lifting my soul.  You have to experience this to understand.  It is hard to explain.  Victor Hugo wrote, "Those who do not weep, do not see."  I think it pertains.  I see clearly.

And you're probably asking what any of this has to do with wasted tears?  Well, I see it this way.  We waste a lot of our tears on trivial bullshit.  This is, in itself, sad when you consider all that is happening around us in the world.  Yet, when I see one child cry from hunger or hurt, the feeling I get as a father and a grandfather is one of empathy.  We have many reasons to cry, but should we?  There are those among us who cry for far better reasons than many of us could ever imagine.

Next time I cry, I think I'll try to make sure they're tears of joy.  I will try not to cry for the loss of someone, but to smile because they happened, because I knew them, and because I shared a moment of friendship and love.

But, I will cry.  Of this, I have no doubt.

"Crying is one of the highest devotional songs.  One who knows crying, knows spiritual practice.  If you can cry with a pure heart, nothing compares to such a prayer.  Crying includes all the principles of Yoga."

-- Swami Krialvanandji

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com