Questioning Drive, Skill, Big, Feelings, and Failure

“About the body, I know very little, though I am steadily trying to improve myself, in the way animals improve themselves by licking.”

-- Renee Gladman

What differences drive a stubborn determination to fail, win, lead, or prevail?

In order to win, lead, or prevail, one needs to exercise perseverance. If you have a stubborn determination to fail, on the other hand, just do nothing. Failure will be along shortly.

What are some skills I need to be a great mad scientist?

An intellect that tips the scale, and no moral compass.

Is licking yourself a good way of practicing self-love?

Only if you’re really into physical gratification. Self-love has more to do with liking yourself, not licking yourself.

How can anger be managed if your anger is too strong for group therapy?

Pharmaceuticals.

To what extent should others be obligated to affirm an identity that I claim for myself?

Why do you think they should be “obligated” to do anything for you, much less affirm an identity you want to claim? You can ask them, and they have the freedom to decline if they so choose. The only person obligated to affirm anything in your life is you. You have to walk your own path, regardless of what others think of you. If you can’t do that, perhaps you’re on the wrong path.

“Better poverty without a care than wealth with its many obligations.”

-- Aesop

What skill do you have that is highly overrated at being hard?

Supervision and management.

What is a realistic perspective to have in order to maintain in such hard knocks, dog-eat-dog world?

True happiness. I strive to maintain my happiness always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. Let the dogs eat the other dogs, it is what it is, as long as they stay out of my wheelhouse. If they decide to enter, I will be more than happy to throw them out.

Do you feel it’s necessary to volunteer?

No. Volunteering isn’t for everybody, and there are those who shouldn’t. It is a selfless decision some people can make to help others.

What is something that more than 90% of people do in the wrong way?

Make love.

What are the routine activities that a leader should have with his team, and how often?

A “situation” meeting at the beginning of the workday. A progress meeting at the end of each week. A bar-b-que at the end of each month, barring any “unsolved” situations.

“Successful leaders are truthful about what they do because they know they can never succeed if they take shortcuts by lying to their followers.”

-- Gift Gugu Mona

How do you cultivate a big picture perspective or learn how to think "big"?

Thinking big is learning to see the forest regardless of the trees. The problem with this perspective is the trees since they are a requisite part of the forest.

The “big picture” is our candidate winning the election for President. The problem with this perspective in the intelligence of the constituents. Do they realize the candidate is a flaming moron?

Is it true that no good deed goes unpunished - and no bad deed goes unpublished?

Only when it comes to the news media. Unfortunately, it seems to be their mantra.

Is it ethical or normal for therapists to agree to omit disclosures in their notes because they are seen by insurance companies or other service providers? It was a dark thought which could have negative implications for my disability funding/goals/life.

It could be seen as a violation of the federal HIPAA Privacy Rule (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996). Having worked for an Institutional Review Board for 17 years, I would ask you to review this stature and see if it answers your questions: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/privacysummary.pdf

What is the difference between the principle of good argument and the principle of critical thinking?

Critical thinking will provide the facts to use in a good argument.

To what extent can personality traits be changed?

Totally, if the person wants them changed. But, depending on the person, it is easier to change good into bad, than to change bad into good. It is easier to destroy beauty than to create it.

“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

Why would someone throw everything they can think of at a cause they are fighting for when some of the things they are doing will make no difference to the cause?

They honestly don’t know what will make a difference, so they throw everything at it hoping something will stick.

What is the best way you have ever quit a job?

I only quit one job in my life, and that was with the Institutional Review Board I worked for. After being there for 17 years, they were bought out by a group that was going to take a meat ax to personnel. Not that I feared being fired, I just didn’t approve of their attitude or their lack of ethics, and since ethics was paramount for I.R.B.s, I chose to retire early and go to Mexico for a couple of years.

What books are recommended to learn more about human psychology (or any books that relate to human behavior in psychology) from beginner to advanced?

“Social Psychology and the Study of Deviant Behavior” -- Andrew John Pavolos

What is the difference between an employee-oriented and a task-oriented leadership style?

If the business is employee-oriented, the tasks take a back seat, and the business, sooner or later, will suffer. If it is task-oriented, the business will thrive at the cost of the employee, and, sooner or later, it will suffer. A good business model strikes a balance between the employee and the task. Teamwork, with concrete goals, is one way to accomplish this, and a good leader understands how it works.  Of course, I can be totally wrong.

Why should one make decisions based on facts and data rather than feelings?

Usually, unless the facts and data seem skewed, wrong, or simply out of date. Feelings are the last resort if a decision must be made. 

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.

The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.

If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.”

-- Deepak Chopra

How can I avoid negativity?

Think. Take a moment to consider what you are thinking. Is it negative? How might you approach the issue with positivity - an open mind? To avoid anything you have to replace it with something. In this case, you replace it with positivity. If being negative is the only option, you had better be positive about your decision. 

Why does one fail to make a difference?

Enough is seen as enough. They stop banging away at the issues. One must persevere in the face of insurmountable odds, or they will never have a chance to attain their goal.

How could people struggle so hard? What reason could make them do so?

Perseverance. They refuse to quit in the face of insurmountable odds. It may be a life or death struggle, a matter of patriotism, or they might have strong faith that they will overcome the issue. Faith gives birth to hope, and, as long as you have hope, the struggle will continue.

Why does wickedness or evilness follow a person that is doing good to others?

Balance. Darkness always follows light. Without one we would not know the other. The truly good person, however, knows evil is there, and really doesn’t care.

Why is masculinity excluded from personality traits? The tendency to "take risks, compete and win" explains many of the holes in Hexaco and Big 5, so why not include it in the model?

Unfortunately for humanity, it violates the “all-inclusive” philosophy that awards “participation” trophies, instead of declaring a winner. It also prevents “men” from participating, and dominating, in women's sports, simply by declaring themselves “women,” since they can’t win anything worthwhile competing as men.

“Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat.”

-- David Sedaris

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com