Questions of Failure, Success, and Misery

 

“I have seen people who find that grief gives them something they never had before, and no matter how terrible and real their loss they choose to hug that awfulness to them rather than push it away.”

-- Iain M. Banks

Why am I such a failure?

You have asked a question, “Why was I born a failure?” This was changed to this question, “Why am I such a failure?” which isn’t really the same question at all. Unless you changed the original question, I’d say someone is sabotaging you. I’d be pissed that they want you to look like a failure.

To address your original question, no one is born a failure, failure is usually thrust upon us by a lack of quality mentoring. Now, consider that you have proved Newton’s Third Law, in a way: “For every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Okay, the "law" really has to do with force, but asking the right question can force the right person, or persons, to try and answer it. So, you see, you have succeeded, more than several times, which means you must not be a failure. Good for you!

Author comment:  Why was I born to fail?  I feel like my sports team is a reflection of how trash my life is. My team loses pretty much every game and I’m not doing good in life.

My reply:  So, what I hear is that your entire team is a loser? That seems beyond the odds. Maybe they all need to try harder.

Author:  My NFL team has lost pretty much every game this year and that’s how my life is going right now. It’s all a bunch of losses and no wins.

Me:  You are what you eat, so, it stands to reason, you are also what you think.  Try choosing to think differently. Life sucks, but there's no reason why you have to wallow in it. Rise above your adversity and work to build something better.

Author:  I understand, thank you for the advice bud

Me:  It is what I do, rising above it. Wallowing in crap is such a waste of life. Better to strive for happiness always.

Author:  You’re right I always try my best but man it is tough keeping positive when you fail a lot

Me:  Focus more on what you do right, and smile at your errors. You might find you smile quite a bit, and this is a good thing.

What, no matter how hard you try, will you never be able to understand?

“Why?” Personally, we can do pretty good in answering why things happen to us, but the universal question tends to leave us stumped. We can all take a stab at it, but, in reality, none of us truly knows the answer. The minute we think we do, the universe throws us a curve, or we find out something new.

Why did some people choose to live miserably when they are able and capable to make their lives better?

My answer to this seems to always garner the wrath of the Perpetually Offended, but life is all about making choices, and some people choose to remain miserable. It would be so much better for them, and those around them, if they would make the choice to be happy, even in the face of adversity, even in the face of any evil done to them. If you are miserable, change what is making you so. If it is something that was done to you psychologically, then maybe you need to seek help. Seeking help is a positive choice to make your life better, but you also have to make the choice to try to follow the advice you get and truly try to help yourself.

“We should walk through the valley of the shadow of death, not just pitch a tent and camp there.”

-- Stan Gardner, M.D.

What are you missing in this modern world?

The original question was, “What is one thing missing in the world of today?” I hate it when the question changes from what I was willing to answer, but the answer is now plural. Peace, honest journalism, and political ethics. I’m not holding my breath for any of them.

Is failure a symptom of success?

The original question was, "Is failure a part of success, or is it the opposite?" Failure is the best way to learn. I would hope that success is built on a foundation of failures learned from. A person who enjoys success without failure is in for a nasty trip when failure finally arrives.

You can make one change to something that already exists to make it better. What is it and what do you change about it?

Personal information security. This should be a no-brainer for tech people. Find a way to secure everyone’s personal information so it can’t be stolen. People shouldn’t have to buy security from a firm that sits back to watch if something happens and then acts.

“Focus on your work. Do what you're great at. Don't compare yourself to others and or waste time criticizing the lives and work of others. Do what matters most to you and make a difference doing that.”

-- Germany Kent

Is it true that "gratitude is for losers"?

Well, I certainly hope not. I’m thankful for quite a lot, and I don’t consider myself a loser by any stretch. If anything, showing gratitude is a sign of a good upbringing, especially if it is shown to those who do the worst of jobs for us. I have little use for those who use others and then show no gratitude toward them.

What mistakes should people make at least once in their lives?

Dating the wrong person. If you’re paying attention, you can learn much that will help you in choosing the right person. Sometimes, it takes more than once. Sometimes it takes a marriage, or two.

What solves your problem better than you?

Bourbon. But, only for a short time, then I have to face the problem and deal with it.

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”

-- Abraham Maslow

How hard is it to be patient when you have (literally) nothing (left) to do but wait?

I virtually never have “nothing” to do but wait. Patience is not my virtue and I work on it constantly. What helps me to wait through it, however, is meditation. I close my eyes and slow my breathing, my heart rate, and my thinking. I focus on a hard to hear noise or a low voice and shut everything else out. I do this in the doctor’s office, as well, to bring my blood pressure down before they take it.

If you had an unlimited amount of time, what would you do to succeed in life?

Learn, and work hard. The basics for success don’t change with more time.

How do you make sure a just decision is also fair?

Fair to whom? Fair and just would be in the eyes of those concerned. In reality, taking opinion out of the equation, a just decision should always be a fair decision. Those involved should understand this, but, as humans, we tend to feel slighted when things don’t go our way.

“Teach all men to fish, but first teach all men to be fair. Take less, give more. Give more of yourself, take less from the world. Nobody owes you anything, you owe the world everything.”

-- Suzy Kassem

Why is it hard for me to sometimes recognize my own flaws?

We’re too busy selfishly trying to shift the blame, at least this is the answer for the original question, “Why do we fail to notice our own errors?”

What do you think is the importance of weighing your needs and wants?

Well, for one thing, you probably won’t end up wanting more than you need, which can be wasteful.

How can one succeed in life after failing badly?

Learn from the failure. Failure is the best way we learn, so to waste the opportunity will hold you back from success.

“I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.”

-- Herbert Bayard Swope

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com