Questioning Age, Change, and Growth

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”

-- C. JoyBell C.

How would you know if you are successful at the age of 25?

Are you truly happy in your circumstance? Money and career don’t establish success if you aren’t happy. To be truly successful, you must be truly happy with who, what, and why you are. You can be constantly successful if you can tell people you are truly happy in life. Not many people can say they are truly happy. I am truly happy in all things. I have to be. The alternative, for me, simply sucks. Strive to be happy always!

What are the steps needed when trouble persists?

Ask why the trouble exists. It is usually a choice or decision we made that went a bit off the rails. Don’t shift the blame, but work on correcting that decision or choice. You may have to eat some “humble pie” and admit you screwed up. So be it. Learn from what you did so you mitigate making the same error again.

Does every single thing we do have a cause and effect?

Indeed! If you die before you wake, it will have some effect. If you wake, it will have an effect. When you go outside you will interact with others; a smile, kind word, a look, all will have an effect.

We love to shift the blame for everything on others when, in reality, everything that happens to us is caused by a choice or decision we make. If I knock a glass off the counter where my girlfriend put it, asking why she put the glass there is shifting the blame. I knocked it off, so why didn’t I see it and be more careful? The glass broke because of my lack of attention, not because she put the glass there.

In this way, everything we do is because and has an effect, regardless of who we think we can blame it on.

“Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect.”

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When does it get better and feel like it was all worth it?

Since I strive to be happy at all times, this is hard for me to answer. In truth, I expect to answer this question just before I pass on to the next life. I expect I will have little to regret.

Which is a category of marginally ethical negotiating tactics?

Stretching the truth, or making a purse out of a sow’s ear. Promising more than you know you can deliver. Touting “facts” when they’re unproven. “Marginally ethical” can be defined as “almost true” as well as “almost not true”. “Marginally” ethical is, in reality, bad ethics. I always left a meeting with the other side knowing my ethics were not in question. I’ve also left meetings with the other side knowing it was obvious their idea of “ethics” left much to be desired.

Do you believe that everyone is born with an innate talent or potential within waiting to be discovered?

Yes, indeed. I run into people all the time who think they have no talent or potential. I get this from stay-at-home moms a lot. I always tell them parenting is a talent and staying at home to ensure it is done right shows more potential than many would accept. I watched a young man wash a car the other day. My goodness! I’ve never seen a young person put that much effort into ensuring a car looked so pristine. He actually took a toothbrush and worked it around the logos and such. Needless to say, I took his card and will be calling him when I need the service. This is talent, and it shows his potential for getting ahead in life.

"Talent is a gift, but our character is a choice. Talent is natural ability, our gift from God, but we have the power to determine our character. That power rests on a foundation consisting of the choices we make in life. And those choices almost always dictate the amount of trust others have in us, and to what level of leadership we rise."

-- John C. Maxwell

What is a unique quality you have that makes you proud?

It takes one to know one. It’s what made me so good at intelligence analysis. I’ve adopted so many different personalities in my life I can put myself in someone’s shoes and usually determine what kind of person I’m dealing with.

I told a woman I was having a heated discussion with on the phone, I could make her do anything I wanted. She threw the “bullshit” flag and I immediately hung up on her. I watched the phone and counted the seconds before I knew she’d called me back. She asked why I’d hung up, so I told her, “I made you call me back.” This was easy because she was one to always fall prey to human nature. She, also, hung up on me, which was expected. I didn’t call her back.

It makes me “proud,” I suppose, but the downside is not knowing who I really am. I don’t play these games anymore, and I try, very hard, not to judge people.

Do you agree that no problem is settled until it is settled well?

If you don’t settle the problem, it isn’t really settled. Using chewing gum as an adhesive is not the same thing as bolting the item down.

Do you think you matter?

We all matter. To what extent is up to each of us to determine. I consider myself a humble person, so how much I matter is of little concern to me. It is enough that I do matter.

“No matter how dysfunctional your background, how broke or broken you are, where you are today, or what anyone else says, YOU MATTER, and your life matters!”

-- Germany Kent

"Change is the only constant." Oh, so, is change better than the quality of change?

That thought doesn’t follow. Change, being the only constant, has nothing to do with the quality of the change. It simply states there will eventually, be change.

Do you consider yourself a tool? If so, what kind of tool are you, and why?

We are all tools, to some extent. Being a humble person, I can only hope that what I write and say is useful to some. A few folks think I’m a dull blade. My dad was famous for saying, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.” He was pretty wise.

What is the best way to respond to negative feedback?

We usually ask for feedback, even if we think we haven’t. Critique it. The feedback may have some merit and, if so, you may learn from it. Thank them for the feedback.

“The only thing worse than not requesting feedback is not acting on it.”

-- Frank Sonnenberg

How accurate is the statement, "the world wants you to be mediocre?"

Not very. It only holds true for socialism.

How has helping others contributed to your growth?

It helps me transcend from self-actualization to a more spiritual level.

What is the littlest intangible thing you have found the most joy in?

Waking up. At my age, not only is waking up joyful, but it’s a reason to give thanks for the gift of another day in paradise and another chance to excel in life.

“It's a disease. Nobody thinks or feels or cares any more; nobody gets excited or believes in anything except their own comfortable little God damn mediocrity.”

-- Richard Yates

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com