Questioning Wishes, Happiness, and Advice

 

"...things are not to be obtained by reason of prayers or wishes. If they were to be obtained by reason of prayers or wishes, who here would lack them? It's not fitting for the disciple of the noble ones who desires long life to pray for it or to delight in doing so. Instead, the disciple of the noble ones who desires long life should follow the path of practice leading to long life. In so doing, he will attain long life..."

-- Buddha

Do you make a wish or do you like to make it happen?

As you get older, you realize waiting for the wish to come true is counterproductive. If you hope to see it before death, better you get off your ass and make it happen.

How do I make my life without any mess, regret, and Big mistakes?

What kind of fun would that be? You would learn nothing.

What incident made you realize that being angry is destructive to yourself and others around you?

My divorce. Anger will eat you alive. Better to accept the apology you know you’re never going to get and move on with life.

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

-- Joe Klaas

How would you complete this sentence to make it your own, "Happiness unshared is happiness ______"?

…unfulfilled.”

What was your most expensive mistake? What did you do?

Marriage. After 25 years of trying to salvage it, it ended up costing me everything, including my children. I recovered in less than five years by making recovery my main purpose in life. I accepted the apology I knew I was never going to get from her, and then I forgave myself for my part in wasting a third of my life on someone who never loved me. You forgive, and then you move forward. It was a lesson.

If I have terrible faith, hope, and self-discipline, and am bad at most things I do, what can I do to change that?

Life is about making good choices and decisions. It sounds like you haven’t done that. If you can find faith you can have hope. Once you have hope you can work on self-discipline. With self-discipline comes better choices and decisions. With better choices and decisions you will find yourself doing so much better at things.

I would start by waking up each day and thanking God for the gift of another day in paradise and another chance to excel in life. When you have done this, you may begin.

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

-- Rob Siltanen

Why is it important to have aspirations?

Our aspirations give life purpose. It is very important to have a life of purpose. Without purpose, life is simply wasted.

When did your courage fail you?

When I was a child. I was bullied by the bigger kids. I was small, had thick glasses, and was pretty immature, which was no surprise. I learned to sprint because running any great distance was beyond me. I had no courage to stand up for myself until late in high school. Even then, however, I didn’t fight. I learned how psychology could win my battles.

I studied psychology in college and took it with me into the military where I put it to use in supervision, management, and the intelligence field. The military taught me courage, and I taught them another use for a plastic butter knife.

How do you help someone who appears down on their luck?

I don’t. Just because someone “appears” down on their luck, doesn’t mean they are. I’d have to hear it from the horse’s mouth before I consider how to help, if, in fact, they want any. They might say, mind your own business.

“Good works is giving to the poor and the helpless, but divine works is showing them their worth to the One who matters.”

-- Criss Jami

Why don't you solve our own problems in the same way that you give solutions to others' problems?

Oh, I absolutely do! One reason I answer some of these questions is that I’ve been around that particular block in life. I’ve lived it or have known someone that lived it. I’ve tried a solution and failed, and kept trying until I found one that worked, or I’ve known people that have done the same thing.

How important is it for you to have a sense of humor? What is an example as to why?

It is so important. Without a robust sense of humor, I would find it very hard to strive to be happy always. Every time I’m attacked by the League of the Perpetually Offended, I have to find a reason to laugh so I don’t lower myself to their level of namecalling and lack of cogent thought. The fact that they choose to waste everyone’s oxygen is why I try to find a reason to use my share of oxygen for more constructive opportunities. Do I argue with a gorilla that slings shit or look at the woman wearing a short skirt? Hmmm…

Do you believe that with money comes great happiness?

Yes… and no. There will be a fleeting feeling of “happiness” but, for most of us, it won’t be sustainable. If you can’t be happy with “nothing” how can you expect to be truly happy due to an influx of money? I live comfortably and within a budget.

If I were to win the lottery, I would jump for joy, and then I would have to go to work to protect what I just won. New “friends” would have their hands out, and the IRS would be in my life. Happiness would be replaced with responsibility. Oh, I’d love it, but would the happiness be rated by me as “great” happiness? I don’t think so. Money can’t buy true happiness; it is a state of mind, a choice each of us must make for our life, rich or poor.

“Money can buy a shitload of happiness -- just nothing you can't ever live without.”

-- Quentin R. Bufogle

Have you ever 'tried' to move forward without moving forward?

Before my divorce. I kept trying to move forward and I kept letting her hold me back. For 25 years, all I wanted was happiness, so I kept fighting to hold the marriage together. The more I fought the more it fell apart. The barrier to “forward” movement… was me. For about 24 years, I was the only one who didn’t know the marriage was doomed from the onset.

We had our divorce in 2000 and my “forward” movement got the long-awaited nitrous oxide boost. My life moved forward rapidly, and I met women who were actually supportive.

What makes you an expert for life?

I doubt if anyone is an “expert” for life. I have been around the block, though, several times. I have had and lost, money, love, friends, family, and so much more, but I have persevered due to a strong faith that life is so much worth living. A loss is as much a part of life as is a success. Both are lessons we must learn to live with. My definition of an expert is someone who has fallen down and gotten back up, lost everything, and rebuilt their life, learned that true happiness is more important than material desires.

Are there people who have never ever made mistakes in their lives?

Other than babies, they don’t exist, and even babies are in question. If anyone believes they’re this perfect, they have made another mistake.

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”

-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com