Appropriate Questions?

“In an attempt to learn more about what happened during a lobotomy, Freeman tried performing them with the patient wide awake, under local anesthesia. During one of these procedures, Freeman asked the patient, while cutting his brain tissue, what was going through his mind. “A knife,” the patient said. Freeman told this story with pleasure for years.”

-- Howard Dully, author

How can one escape the consequence of their actions in this life?

Get a lobotomy, and even then you have imposed a consequence upon yourself for your actions in this life. Life is all about choices and decisions. If you make good choices you will probably have good consequences, and if you make bad choices, well… you get the gist. If you have no conscience, your actions are to be judged by those around you, by society, sooner or later. If you actually have a conscience, there is no escaping your feelings of guilt for what you do. Either way, when we die we will have to answer for all we have done, and, having learned nothing while we were here, we will probably be damned to live this life again, and again, until we learn what we were supposed to. Better for us to just make good choices, learn our lessons, and be happy always.

Our lives are the sum of our choices and our choices a balance between value and cognition, do we really have free choice?

Our lives are indeed the sum of our choices. Well said. Our choices, however, are a consequence of free will that we were blessed with by the creator. Do, or do not, is the choice each of us must make. No one may take this free will from us unless we allow it. Ethically, there is no “balance” to strive for. Do what is right, always. If you must strive for anything, strive to make good choices always. True happiness demands it of us, and since it is our free choice we, therefore, demand it of ourselves.

Since I turned 30 I have piled on the pounds and my back has started to constantly ache and hurt is this normal?

Yes, carrying extra weight around can do that to you. After 30 our metabolism changes and we begin to suffer from “hand to mouth” disease. The best cure is to learn not to overeat and how to exercise. There are exercises to strengthen the back muscles that we have allowed to go slack as we age. Regardless of what you hear on TV, there is no miracle cure. Diet and exercise. Eat the right things and do the right exercises daily. Or, you can learn to live with the pain. Life is all about making choices.

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

-- C.S. Lewis (1898-1963) , writer, theologian 

Should I spend all my time with my eight-month-old and become a stay at home mom or go back to work?

This is a question only you can answer. Start by asking, “Why?” Why should I stay home, and why should I go back to work? First, do you really need the money more than your child needs a mother, full time? Can you do part-time? How much is the cost of child care compared to how much you’ll get paid? If you’re married, can you split shifts with the father, so one of you is with the baby? Parenting is lackluster, at best, in today’s society. It should be paramount in your mind before you even think of having a child. With this in mind, can you balance your child’s needs with that of your own?

My daughter wanted to be a parent, more than anything she wanted to be a mother. She gave up the thought of a full-time job to be a wife and mother, and she is the best of both. I have also seen good parents that manage to make the most of both worlds. When they’re home, they are fully invested in the child with quality time.

As a grandfather, I’m just throwing “thinking points” out there for you. I think you get my point. There is much to consider and only you can make the right choice for both you and, especially, your child. The fact that you are even asking this question tells me you care, and that is always a good thing.

How unethical is it to complain about a co-worker’s job performance?

Not if you’re having to take up their slack. But, ethically, it is better to address the situation with the coworker, first, and see if they need help understanding the requirements. They may not realize they have performance issues that may get them fired. Let them know you’re having to do more because of them. Sometimes all it takes is for you to do the right thing. Help them for a bit so they get the hang of what if required. If it doesn’t help, talk to them again. After that, I go to the supervisor and explain the issue, what you’ve tried to do to correct the behavior, and dump the whole enchilada in the lap of management. In this way, when your section sufferers, you know you gave them a “heads up” as to why. You did right by everyone involved.

“If you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out... Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.”

-- Randy Pausch, professor, educator

 Is it good to do something you really want to do anyway, even if it makes you anxious?

How will you ever get over the anxiety if you don’t? Find someone who does it well, and is a patient instructor. It will help to keep the anxiety down and make it a much more pleasurable experience.

How do you prepare for the future when life seems so uncertain right now because of the pandemic?

You answered your question. Life not only “seems” so uncertain, it actually always is uncertain. The best we can hope for is that it all comes together close to what we expected. The only thing certain in life is the current moment. We experience the moment, the smells, tastes, texture, all of the pain, and the pleasure. The moment is where we exist, right now. To prepare for anything else is futile until we know what we’re facing. You can plan for the worst, and it might turn out roses. You can plan for the best, and it may all go to hell in a handbasket. Better to stay the course until we have more information, then act for the moment. It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is, again. Better to just be happy always. Your preparation is knowing you are ready to act in the moment.

What is a word for a relaxed happy?

Peaceful, or at peace. Maybe, chillin’, though the fact that I’m happy means that I’m relaxed. I suppose everyone isn’t the same that way. If I’m ecstatic, I’m happy but probably not relaxed.

What are five things a cheapskate will never buy?

His own bar drink. A decent watch. His dates meal, movie ticket, or hotel room (as if). His way to heaven. The $100 “Dream Home” ticket.

“If a person lives frugally and acts in a cheap manner, isn't the person living a redundant life?”

-- s.harder

Is self-injury an action on yourself?

The term it “self” answers this question. “Self” intones it was caused by a decision, a choice, made by the injured party. A car may have hit you, but if you crossed the street against the light, at night, in dark clothing, drunk out of your mind, you have made numerous bad choices resulting in some poor old lady running you down.

Do you think you would be more successful money-wise if you went to a top university?

Probably, but I’m not so sure I would be happier. Many successful people with top degrees also have top concerns and stress. I’ll take “happy” in lieu of a degree from a top university and call that successful. I can live without the cost this degree from a university, probably bent on socialist/liberal indoctrination, would be to my personal freedom. 

What is meant by the phrase "If you set your goals ridiculously high and it's a failure, you will fail above everyone else's success"?

This reminds me of saying, “The bigger they are, the harder they fall,” without taking into account the rules of gravitational pull. I’m no physicist, so I’m probably out in left-field on this. Failure is a failure, regardless of how high you set your goals. Personally, if you set your goals too high I applaud your, seemingly misplaced, confidence that you can actually achieve the goal. I will be the first to console your loss and support you learning from the experience, and giving it another shot. If you actually do achieve the goal, I’ll also be the first one to say, “Damn! You actually did it! Congratulations!”

Keep in mind, a heavier object might inflict more damage when it hits the ground. I think it depends on the shape of the two objects and how much screaming occurs in the process of the fall.

What does "if you can see it from the front, wait till you see it from the back," mean?

I am loathed to discuss a person’s attributes but… damn!

"Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years... then we met.

-- Anonymous 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as a chaplain at the regional medical center.