Answers? What do I know?

“But he's all in a muddle about himself, his position, his power, and indeed about everything in the world. He's the victim of a critical age; he has ceased to believe in himself and he doesn't know what to believe in.”

-- Henry James (1843-1916), author

I answer questions put to me as a distraction from personal considerations that I find myself constantly dwelling on.  I find them fairly easy, and I mention this with all humility, but when put beside thoughts of the paranormal, life after death, wormholes, space-time, and "trans-dimensional" beings, I find that someone's lack of happiness, job dissatisfaction, or pit of misery, just doesn't measure up.  It's all Psychology 101.  Okay, some of it dips into the psychology of deviant behavior, which actually is a bit more interesting, but what do I know?  

It's just that I've already been down these paths, answered most of these questions for myself, as best I can, and moved forward.  The best advice for anyone is to learn to be happy always and move on.  But, I know many of these people are serious in their need for answers, and I find it refreshing they have requested my humble opinion, though I have no idea why.  Maybe because I don't find the need to over-elaborate in my answer.  This has put me at odds with the folks running the site who feel more elaboration is required.  I mean, really?  Question: "Are you happy?"  Answer: "Yes!"  They didn't ask why or why not, so I see no reason to offer more than was asked for.  I've seen people write paragraphs answering this type of simplistic question.  Boring!

No confirmation is required, no agreement is sought, I will give you no more than you ask of me.  It's just another opinion offered up to muddy the already murky waters they're wading in.  Been there.  Done that.  I offer up a big KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid.  Words to live by.

I always hope, in my answers, not to be too much of a smartass and to sidestep the League of the Perpetually Offended.  I have almost managed to do both.  Almost.  Everyone has an opinion, although the "League" considers this right an affront to their perpetual offense.  They seem particularly annoyed with my humble thoughts.  Perhaps its because I consider the perpetually offended a disease that, once done feeding on the rest of us, will feed on themselves until only one is left, and that one will commit suicide by hanging as penance for the offense of killing everyone else.   With any luck, the rope will snap after breaking their neck and the offended person will lay on the ground, totally paralyzed and aware, until the carnivorous insects finish the job they botched.  But, this is just wishful thinking on my part, and I will, in all probability do a short stint in hell for the thought.  Que sera sera.

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What has been the hardest realization you’ve come to?

Ever since my divorce, I have been the hardest on myself where women are concerned. I guess the hardest realization was to admit that women actually find me attractive. I still don’t see it but, then, I’m not a woman and have no idea how the rating system is set up. I have never deliberately “hit” on a woman. What I do know is that I try to be polite, attentive, intelligent, friendly, complementary, and respectful. I know I carry a bit of weight, the hair is thinning, and the hearing is not what it used to be. The fact I don’t hear them may magnify the other “traits,” unbeknownst to me.

How does mathematics affect your real life?

I was so lousy at algebra and geometry, I barely passed my courses. Basic math has been a boon to me in the intelligence field, the private sector, and my private life. In the military, we had to use math constantly in for navigation and plotting purposes. In the private sector, I was constantly reviewing blueprints for projects and had to work out dimensions, angles, and the like. In my private life, I am a day-trader with the stock market, so I’m constantly using math to buy and sell and to work out dividend yields.

What was a showdown at work you will never forget?

The vice-president of the company told my crew to do something I disagreed with him on, and then threw me under the bus to the president when she didn’t like it. I stood there and let him do it, but I chewed his ass when we got back to his office. He never did that again. Come to find out, later, the president of the company had pretty much figured out who really screwed up, because it wasn’t like me to do anything that idiotic. She commended my loyalty to the VP, and to the company.

“When we start raising different inconsistent truths, life may tip into bewilderment and the brain may go haywire. The confrontation between what is, not is, and maybe is, might embed an enduring showdown, harboring an intense apprehension, and bring us sometimes unwittingly to our knees.”

-- Erik Pevernagie, writer, painter 

Which person is more to perfection?

Anal-retentive? Obsessive-Compulsive? Egotistical? Okay, egotists only think they’re being perfect, but most of them are so transparent the rest of us find them humorous. Anyone can strive more to perfection, but it is important to always be mindful that perfection is not attainable. The moment you think you’ve done something perfectly, you have levied a challenge to others.

Who makes a better "boss", one with a lot of empathy that listens to his subordinates, or one that has definite ideas of their own and is well organized and can make things happen?

Neither one. The best boss is a well-balanced combination of both. Have definite ideas, be well organized, and make things happen, but let your people know that if they see a problem or have a better way, you are open-minded enough to listen and discuss. At the end of the day, however, be in lockstep with the boss, one way or the other it is their decision.  They get paid the "big bucks" to fall on their own sword for a reason.

Are you great? What did it take for you?

I love questions like this. They make me smile.

Yes! With all humility, I admit that I am great. The greatest leader is humble, yet strong. What it took for me, was to realize I am not perfect. I learned to be ethical, instead. I had to keep getting back up after every knock down and start over again after every failure. I learned to be aware of everything around me while keeping my eyes on the path before me. I always tried to do the right thing, even if it hurt, and it usually did. I learned the lessons set before me and, most of all, I learned how to be happy always.

"Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.”

-- West African proverb

Would you rather live in 1980 or 2020?

One year is no more special than any other. I suppose 1980 offered nothing one way or the other. Music was lackluster, fashion sucked, and let’s not even discuss cars. At least in 2020 we have COVID-19 to keep us busy, riots and cities burning due to anarchist hate groups like ANTIFA and Black Lives Matter as they try to keep racism alive while the rest of us try to put it out before they can make their hateful racism systemic and set us back 50 years. Funny how the Democrats who owned slaves in the South are now in the North perpetuating racism for votes this time, and minorities are buying into it..  Yeah, I guess 2020 offers a bit more excitement. I’ve considered arming myself for the coming civil war as the South rises again, only this time the army will be multi-racial just to prove that all lives matter, and to save the Union from itself. How off the hook is that? 

Is being perfect too extreme?

Very, because you can’t be. Nobody is perfect. If you think you are, that alone is proof that you’re not. There will always be someone who strives to be better, but even their attempts to be more is proof that they never will be.

“Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect - and I don't live to be - but before you start pointing fingers... make sure you hands are clean!”

-- Bob Marley (1945-1981), singer, songwriter, musician

How can I trash the idea of wanting to be a famous writer and strive to be more skilled, more wholesome, and a happy writer?

Go freelance. Develop your skills until you’re in demand, and then write the great novel.

Goals are 'alone' things, they require one to make sacrifices, do you agree?

Not at all, or not all the time. In the military, we had goals we all had to work toward. It builds esprit de corps, a sense of comradery, of brotherhood.

How did you become kind?

I’ve always been kind, though my ex-wife made me forget his for a while. I always stood up for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. She never comprehended the concept. I guess being the smallest guy in school does this for you. Make a choice - be a victim or a warrior. I got very tired of watching people being bullied, so I stepped up and took the beating for them. I would goad them into it, embarrassing them in front of their friends, just to switch attention from their intended victim. The pain of the beating was mitigated by the knowledge it made them look like the bullies they were. Pretty soon it just became a game, and then they all lost interest. You learn to be kind through selfless choice and sacrifice. In the normal scheme of life, it takes so much less effort to show kindness than to be an ass. Sometimes, however, it hurts like hell. 

“Always ask yourself: "What will happen if I say nothing?”

― Kamand Kojouri. author

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.