Answering Righteous Parenting for Life's Wicked Fairness?

The new Minneapolis "Public Saftey Division" arsenal.

What is your personal description in English of the opposite of "deja vu"?

It’s the feeling that you’ve never experienced the present situation you’re going through… ever!

In this world, is it truly better for the righteous to have little than the wealth of many wicked?

Right or wrong doesn’t really enter into this. Those who have truly found righteousness understand that money can’t truly buy happiness, much less pave their way to heaven. Money tends to corrupt, and lots of money tends to corrupt exponentially. Why does a Christian pastor need four private jets? It isn’t the fault of the money, it’s the faulty choices and decisions made by those who have it. Better to have what you need and be happy always, than to have too much and find you have to protect it.

Is life fair?

Life is what you make of it. We are here to learn lessons that will assist us as we move forward into our next life. If you don’t learn those lessons you will be required to take the “class” again. Life, here, is all about making choices and decisions. Make good choices and you will probably have good results and consequences. If life seems not to be fair, it is due to some choice or decision you’ve made. Staying in a bad situation is a choice.  Who we work for, the job we stay in, the people we choose to be with, the debts we are buried under, are all choices we make.

Instead of asking if life is fair, it would be better to make choices that reflect the fairness sought. Make good choices in life, and don’t shift blame for the choices you make or the situations you choose to stay in. More importantly, learn to be happy regardless by understanding why you’re here and making the most of it. If you’re in a ghetto, leave. If your marriage sucks, leave. If your job is holding you back, leave. If you’re buried under a mountain of debt, pay it off and learn to stay out of debt.

Life is what you make of it. Make it better.

“Fairness does not mean everyone gets the same. Fairness means everyone gets what they need.”

-- Rick Riordan, author

What is the difference between a hardworking mother and a hard-working person with no kids?

Even if the mother isn’t holding down a job while also raising children, the raising of those children should be stressful enough. If you fail on your job, you risk losing the job. You don’t have that luxury as a parent, especially as a single parent. You are required to parent the children, to raise them to be respectful, educated, hardworking, and productive members of society, all while ensuring they are morally ethical and happy. Failure at all of this is not an option.

It is a sad fact in our society that many parents think all of this can be accomplished through osmosis, with little to no effort on their part. As an example, this is why many children of welfare-dependent parents will probably grow up to be dependent on welfare. Happiness begets happiness as misery begets misery. If you’re not brought up in a household that teaches you to rise above your circumstances, you probably won’t bother to make the effort. Again, failure as a parent is not an option, and the child can rarely be blamed for this failure.

Mothers, who parent? God bless them! Mothers who hold down a job and still find time to be there for their kids and parent? Oh-my-God!

Is revenge a good motivator to do something positive? For example, to become successful as a middle finger to a person who always doubted you.

I’m not sure why revenge has to be a motivator for anything. If someone has wronged you, that karma is on them. Why would you want some of that negative karma for yourself? As far as a person doubting you, I not sure why you live your life to the beat of their drum. It is, after all, your life. The only person you really have to please is you. If you take on a job and the boss is not satisfied, that is on you for not coming through. Perhaps what needs to be addressed is the doubt you have in your own abilities. Constructive motivation should be selfless. Be motivated because that’s who you are. Be motivated because the job demands it.

When my last boss hired me, he wanted someone that wouldn't tell him only what he wanted to hear. He wanted someone who would tell him like it is. I laughed, which I don’t recommend during an interview, and told him my 22 plus years in the military makes it almost inconceivable I would do anything but tell him what I thought. In the military people can die if you sugarcoat the truth.

Can you recommend a good book on self-improvement?

Anything written by Leo Buscaglia. Many of his public appearances were filmed before his death, and excerpts of these are available, for free, online. He covers how to live and feel, but how you improve with it is totally up to you.

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

-- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961), journalist, novelist

How do you know you are yourself if you’ve been emulating others your whole life? How do I know if I’m not acting like myself? Is there an inherent “self”?

I’ve always said that if you recognize a possible problem with yourself, the problem isn’t as bad as you think. Recognition is the first step to a remedy. Your “self” is actually a slurry of desirable traits from different people that come into our lives. We keep good traits and discount the bad ones. I’d be more concerned if I’ve recognized a bad trait in myself, or if I’ve totally hijacked someone else’s personality instead of developing my own based on the best traits I’ve come in contact with. Life is all about making good choices, so if you think about taking on a bad trait, make a better choice. If you take it on by accident, it is your choice to go back and change it. Emulation is the sincerest form of flattery, but you should also try to make those traits your own by building upon them in the best way possible. Soon, someone might be flattering you.

Is our self the only self that we can know of or shape, or can new ones be invented and formed out of seeming nothingness?

It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is again. A personality can morph with the environment it’s in. To call it a “new” personality would hint at multiple personalities. If your personality simply changes, whether by the environment or by choice, then this is now your personality. Your personality is what it is until it changes, and then this change becomes your personality again. Of course, this is just my other self's opinion, and he could be totally out in left field.  Get out of my head... 

Is society teaching people to get rich and famous but not how to live afterward? Is this why so many successful people suffer from poor mental health?

We always want to shift blame for our inadequacies when it comes to living. Parenting has much to do with this, and then education working hand-in-hand with parenting, and then society, people in general, for pushing an incomplete agenda that doesn’t include mental health and happiness as part of any success. I find it sad when entertainers are successful and then check-out due to the stress of popularity, too much money, panties, bras, and room keys, being thrown at them on stage. Poor guys! I have to shake my head when I see they really aren’t “all that” we expected. Well, I expect it when I see the state of parenting nowadays. The first thing kids need to learn is how to be happy always and that failure is no big deal as long as you learn from it and try again.

“Nothing will change if you believe your suffering is more important than what change has to offer you.”

-- Debbie Lynn

How do you participate in a mental level up?

Buying the first round of martinis always seems to help. Try not to open your mouth on subjects you know little about.  You might mention you know little about it, state your opinion, and then let them clue you in. If their answer makes no sense, there is the opening for further discussion. Just because they’re a “mental level up” doesn’t necessarily mean they’re very smart, it just means they think they are. As an example, some intelligent people claim to be socialists.

Can you make me inspired?

I’m not sure if this is difficult to explain or to understand. I confused myself just thinking it. I can’t make you inspired, you have to be inspired by me. I can be inspiring, but unless you make the choice to be inspired, my efforts are all for naught. To be inspired by someone is a conscious choice you must make, otherwise, it doesn’t mean much to you.  

Why does being too good to people end by not being good to myself? How can I balance between these two?

You’re right about finding the balance. It might help by first understanding that you are not responsible for other people’s happiness, only your own. Be good to people after you have been good to you. I always love to share that airline briefing the attendants give when they state to put on your oxygen mask first and then assist the person seated next to you. Always take care of yourself first. You’re of no use to anybody if you don’t and, in the example of the oxygen mask, you could even die.

“Go above and beyond for yourself! You do it for family, friends, and colleagues, but don’t forget about YOU. It’s important to include yourself… You are worthy of your own kindness, too!”

-- Stephanie Lahart, author

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.