My Next Geatest Fears

Next to dying alone, my greatest fears are losing the use of my eyesight and my hands.

I have been "legally" blind my entire life.  What is that?  What is "illegally" blind?  Blind without a license?  Kind of like being legally a Christian, I guess, or legally white. My point is that, legally or not, I have been afraid of totally losing my sight for most of my life.  I just recently passed the landmark point of mot having to worry about Glaucoma, if I don't have the sign of it by now, I probably will never get it.

My hands are another issue.  My hands have been as important as my mind for most of my life.  Between surgical precision in plotting routes for the Emergency War Order, to my art and my writing, my hands are...what I have left.  My art is not the broad brush strokes or the impressionist's blur, or that of Picasso and the cubists.  My art is the precision of the stars, of a comet, a meteor, or the arc of a planet or a moon.  Without my hands, or my sight, my art is nothing.  But, it would seem I have a hereditary muscle issue with my hands.  My mother has had numerous surgeries and it would seem, I too, have the problem.  It couldn't happen to my left hand, of course, it has to happen to the most important hand in my life.

I have fought it and will continue to fight.  The art may morph into something else, but my writing is my mind, my thoughts.  I have been following Dragon Software for quite some time.  I have been waiting for the perfection of product.  I think they are there now.  If, and when, my hand finally gives up the ghost, I think this program offers what I need at an affordable price.  I talk, it writes, what a concept!  Science finally catches up to my infirmity, and that makes me feel like a whiner, why?

Of all the fears I have, my fellow military personnel come back without arms, legs, faces, or all of the above.  So my pitiful fears amount to a hill of squat, except for that of dying alone.  A soldier will deal with almost anything; dying alone raises that bar almost beyond ability.

So, what are you afraid of on your path in life?  Spiders?  Heights? The dark?  Think about living life without a face, or without a face and blind, or without a face and blind and a quadriplegic? Makes you think about the "third base" joke, huh? Not so funny when you try to put a face on it.

My fears are my fears, and they are insignificant in the greater scheme of things.  If my hands cease to function, I will no longer be able to put in my contact lenses and I will have to wear thick glasses again.  My hands will prevent my art from being more than a canvas in my mind.  My writing will continue as long as there is an upgrade to the program turning my voice into the written word.  And I will forever be grateful to those that gave their all so I have the freedom to think so I can put those thought to paper, for free thought is something more valuable than life itself.

Fear is over rated.  The next time you see a handicapped vet, ask him why.  Better yet, give them a hug and say thank you.  Thank you for giving everything of yourself for me and mine. 

My greatest fears cannot compete.  How are yours?

"If you don't fear death, how can you fear life?"