Teenage Dating Abuse

Just my opinion, I could be wrong...but...I'm a father, and a grandfather, so this is my two cents worth (and we all know how much two cents will buy us).  You will probably be wondering what the bee has to do with this.  I actually managed to work it in father down the page.

 

Teenage "any kind" of abuse denotes a bully in the relationship.  Teenagers are not alone in their terror, it is true for adults as well.  Bully's need to be dealt with, and that can be frightening if you aren't capable of defending yourself.  Finding a protector would seem to be the best solution, providing you don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.  This would be finding a defending hero to protect you from the abuser just to discover the hero is also wanting a "little something" for their efforts on your behalf.  They could be a subtle abuser, or just a user, which can be just as bad.

 

The whole situation can make you feel alone, on your own, and a victim with little recourse.  Abused adults go through the same thing.  And it doesn't matter if you're male or female, it happens to both sexes, hetero and homosexual.  Abuse is abuse.  You need to remember it is not your fault!  It doesn't matter what you did, how bad you think it was, how bad someone else thinks it was, you never deserve to be beaten or raped.  And, lets not be stupid, there is a difference between a parental spanking, to enforce right from wrong, and a brutal beating.  Parents know this, and so do kids.What can you do?

 

The first thing you need to do is admit you are being abused.  The first step to any cure is admitting there is a problem.  The next step is to find some help.  Voicing the problem to others makes it real by bringing it out of the shadows.  This is something the abuser does not want and the abuse may escalate because of it, but by then it is too late for them.  They have been labeled as an abuser and what they do from that point forward can go on record against them.

 

How do you find help?

 

Your friends is a great first step.  Someone you trust.  If you don't think you have a good friend, find an abuse hotline.  Many schools, police departments, and city social services now offer abuse assistance.
 

Parental support?
 

If the parents aren't the problem, often they are the solution.  You may be afraid that they won't understand because they are stern, or rarely listen.  As stern as a parent can be, they are often that way because they love you, want the best for you, and expect you to be better than they are.  They spend most of 18 years preparing you for the world at large, and herein lies both problems for you.
 

One, you may have screwed up in their eyes.  Get over it.  Everyone screws up, and some of us really screw up.  Poo happens.  Your parents are upset because they expect more, not because they love you less.  The good news is that we tend to learn valuable lessons from our mistakes and those lessons can make us the better people our parents hope for us to become.
 

Two, the abuser has messed with your parents master plan for you.  This will piss a parent off significantly more than you stumbling into a bad situation.  Not to say they won't be mad as hell at you, they love you so of course they'll be mad.  Love them for being mad, it means they love you!

What kids and adults need to think about is, what's worse?  Do nothing and continue with the abuse, or take a stand?
 

As a kid you have the right to go to mom and dad and say, "I screwed up my life, protect me!"  As an abused adult you have the right to just leave the situation.  If you don't leave, you're either a glutton for punishment, a masochist, frightened to death, or an idiot.  Point being, regardless of the category you fall into as an adult, unless you're the masochist, there are multiple options other than staying until one of you kills the other.  There is never a reason for it to come to that unless it has come down to self-defense, but the question will always be, "Why did you stay?"  Suck up your pride and get some help.  The situation isn't worth dying for.
 

For teenagers, it all comes down to parents, and if you can't go to them then find someone else you trust.  A minister, policeman, social services, child protection services, and the numerous non-government offices set up to protect women and children from domestic violence.  For most teenagers your support group surrounds you everyday at school in your friends and teachers.  Your friends have parents that will be just as concerned for their own children being at risk, for those with problems at home these parents may be a better avenue for advice and action.
 

Most important to remember is, this is not your fault!  Whatever you did, you never deserve to be beaten or raped.  The choice you made didn't break the law.  The choice the abuser made probably broke several laws.  Let someone standup for you.  Let someone help you to protect yourself.

God loves you and wants you to love yourself.
 

I was brought up in a family that loved and showed that love by hugging, and holding.  I was spanked when the situation warranted, and then my parents sat down with me and made sure I understood why it happened.  This was the way I tried to raise my own children.
 

I was taught that, only a coward strikes a woman.  Now days women are starting to beat on men, so I would have to qualify it by saying, only in self-defense and then only as a last resort.  It is always better to take the high road, just turn around and walk away.  Leave her standing in the driveway, screaming at your back as you leave.  Like the bee, you can sting or fly away, and live to fly another day!  Don't give in to violence.  This is true for everyone, not just men.
 

YOU HAVE NON-VIOLENT OPTIONS!  Please make use of them before it is too late.
 

Again, this is just my opinion and everyone has an opinion.  I would be interested in hearing yours.

 

 

Stay tuned this Sunday, August 11, when I offer up another installment of "Sunday Thought."