Questioning Bullies, Focus, Traits, Change, and Mindfulness

 

“What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life?”

-- Lynette Mather

Are bullies that belong to cliques on group chats similar to real bullies? How do you deal with them?

Yes, and you have the right to ignore them. I constantly ignore the League of the Perpetually Offended because they bully. It is better to just smile and shut them down.

What would you do if you’re wealthy, but one of your poor friends is constantly putting you down because he is jealous? I made sacrifices to accommodate him, but it’s still not good enough for him so should I hang with only wealthy folks?

Why are you accommodating them? They have made their life. Maybe they should have worked harder. They might have studied more and learned not to judge those who reach for the "upper bars" in life. They put you down because they couldn't do what you did. They are shifting the blame over to you when the real blame lies with them, and their attitude. You don’t need to “hang with only wealthy folks.” Hang with people who don’t judge you for attaining your goals.

What is the smartest question to ask to someone?

"Why?"

How do I create the perfect world? How do I create a perfect utopian paradise/society?

You don’t. If it could be done, we would be there. But there is no such thing as “perfect.” You might look into creating an “excellent” world, however. Good luck with that. There will always be a need for balance in the universe. With that in mind, “excellent” will fall short due to the rules for balance.

Do you know the old saying, "With friends like these, who needs enemies"? Would the phrase still apply if you replace friends with family?

If your family are worthless toads that keep ragging on you, yes.

In your own idea, what is the difficult part of solving a problem?

Discovering the cause. Everybody hears the rattling in the engine and assumes tightening the part will make the rattling stop, and it does, but tightening that part might be a "stop gap" to the real problem. Low lubrication might be the culprit. The obvious is not always the fix.

“Root cause analysis is a structured team process that assists in identifying underlying factors or causes of an event, such as an adverse event or near–miss. Understanding the contributing factors or causes of a system failure can help develop actions that sustain corrections. The Five Whys is a simple problem-solving technique that helps to get to the root of a problem quickly. 

The Five Whys strategy involves looking at any problem and drilling down by asking: "Why?" or "What caused this problem?" While you want clear and concise answers, you want to avoid answers that are too simple and overlook important details. Typically, the answer to the first "why" should prompt another "why" and the answer to the second "why" will prompt another, and so on; hence the name Five Whys. This technique can help you to quickly determine the root cause of a problem. It's simple and easy to learn and apply.”

-- Five Whys for RCA Tool

What is the main focus of a determined talented poor individual?

One would hope their focus on their “determined talent” would give them true happiness in life, regardless of their circumstances.

Why do some extremely intelligent people have no desire to be mega-successful?

True “success” in life is attaining true happiness. If they have attained the level of intelligence they have been working toward, they are happy to be working on those problems they have been honing their skills to take on. Albert Einstein comes to mind, as does J. Robert Oppenheimer. They did what challenged them, and that made them truly happy. 

What does “Be safe” mean to you?

Be very aware of your personal safety and the safety of those around you. Their lack of awareness could cost you your life. Don't assume they care.

Since the past 5 or so years, has your respect for those in authority (white collar types of every stripe) remained the same, increased, or as in my case greatly diminished?

I do my job, and everyone knows that. Respect is a two-way street, and I respect those who respect me. I was fine with being fired for some moron’s personal agenda. I walked off a job once and the owner fired the supervisor and hired me back with an apology. Never sacrifice your personal code of ethical conduct for some idiot’s simple agenda.

What would be the proper term for the behavior when close people in your life, pretend to be your friend and ally, while they are secretly simultaneously making up lies about you to everyone else to turn these people against you?

Two-faced? Hypocritical? Someone riding on your coattails to attain their goals. “Riding on your coattails” puts them in a perfect position to knife you in the back.

I heard this quote earlier, "Suffering is often the vice that squeezes out great art." Who said it and do you agree?

Christopher Zara? I agree, to a point. It has been proved many times, yet, some artists are naturally talented, and don’t have to suffer to create. I think this is a minority of artists, however.

“Great art comes from great pain.” A fully loaded and explosive statement if ever there was one, this is the primary proposition in Christopher Zara’s recent book Tortured Artists, a collection of forty-eight profiles on some of the most celebrated artists of the millennium—from Mozart to Woolf, Garland to Disney.”

-- Americans for the Arts 

What natural traits make some people good entrepreneurs (business people)?

An ability to learn, communicate, work hard, see opportunities, and embrace the art of the deal.

What makes one person more successful than another? Is it luck or is there something else at play here?

Hard work, knowledge, and awareness. If you aren’t aware of the opportunities that present themselves, you are losing out, and the hard work is just that - hard work. And the knowledge? When you miss opportunities, you’ll realize learning hasn’t stopped.

Can it be true that they start missing you when they fail to replace you?

If they fail to replace me, the business is in real trouble. Good management would have a replacement ready to slip into my seat.

Author's comment: Well said, thank you!

What does it mean when someone says they don't like labels? What are they saying about their political beliefs?

I’m not really sure. Labels don’t bother me. 23 years in the military intelligence field makes you numb to any labels people stick on you. What you see may not be who I really am. And, what I know is classified. Makes it hard to date anyone unless you remain very aware.

What does it mean when someone says, "He/she is trying to hurt you emotionally"?

They’re telling me what I already know. But, I’m considering using them, so it’s all good.

How do you act towards people younger than you?

You get the respect you give. If they choose not to respect me, I can choose not to respect them, and I’ll let them know it in no uncertain terms. The “learning curve” can be embarrassing for young people, but necessary for growth.

"Old people have wisdom but not energy; young people have energy but not wisdom; energy and wisdom must be in the same body to create a much better civilization! To do this, we will either give energy to the old or we will give wisdom to the young, and for now the latter seems a more plausible action!"

-- Mehmet Murat ildan

How can we change our minds and always get smart ideas?

First, accept that change is the only true constant in the universe. Open your mind to other ideas. Second, accept that changing your mind does not guarantee the next idea you get will be smart. Education will help you to ferret out the smart ideas from the not so much. It doesn’t guarantee attaining a goal, but it does help.

Elon Musk said, "Physics is the law, everything else is a recommendation. Anyone can break laws created by people, but I have yet to see anyone break the laws of physics." Can you say the same to social science laws?

No. But physics is a law that is continually changing as we discover new information. What once was law is now the “new” law. Change is the only true constant in the universe.

Do most successful people share their secrets of success with others freely?

If they don’t, they’re cowards. They are afraid someone will do better than they have. You don’t have to let go of industrial secrets, but it would be nice to know the basics of getting ahead. Management, supervision, communication, employment law, along with hard work and knowledge of the field you want to excel in.

What is the difference between a solution and an answer?

Anyone can rattle off an answer, and the answer might be right. However, if the answer is incontrovertibly right, it is, more than likely, the solution.  

Why do people ask obvious, generic questions on social media?

Maybe they don’t have a clue. Not everybody is smart or intelligent. Those who are, probably, won’t be asking questions. Not everybody knows how to form a cogent question. Those who do, tend to judge those who don’t. We, also, tend to forget that there is no bad question… unless you ask it more than once.

What is the saying about speaking negatively about others?

Try these:

“What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth.” 

-- Jewish Proverb

“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” 

-- Anonymous

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right–for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” 

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

“Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.” 

-- Hillary Clinton (The only thing she ever said that I agree with.)

If mindfulness' purpose is to make one stay in the present as much as possible, when is one supposed to think about past and future things, which is also necessary?

The definition of mindfulness is, “a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.” If you don’t need to use it as a “therapeutic technique,” then you can “stay in the present as much as possible” and “think about past and future things, which is also necessary.” You can be “mindful” and still have flights of fancy. Mindfulness isn’t, necessarily, one-dimensional.

Are cash flow statements the biggest sources of decision-making for businesses?

Only if going bankrupt is not a big decision.

Do you agree with Leo Durocher’s statement, “Show me a good loser, and I will show you a loser”?

Leo is an idiot. He states the obvious. He leaves out that not all losers are good losers. The good loser will smile, shake your hand, practice, and return to turn the tables. Will the last “winner” be as generous to the new winner?

Is there any hope for yourself if you are depressed and ruin your life?

Generically, there is always hope, but it is your life. You need to make a conscious effort to lift yourself out of your personal pit of misery and put that hope to work. 

How do I make society start to treat the rich as amoral subhuman monsters who they truly are, that society must destroy for their survival?

Misplaced jealousy does not become anyone. There must be balance in the universe, and the “rich” are here as a balance for those who are not. When you win the billion-dollar lottery, we will expect you to surrender yourself for destruction, as is your wish. Or, I offer up a better choice. You can become part of the cadre of selfless “filthy rich” philanthropists who constantly strive to make the world a better place. It is a personal choice you might want to consider.

How true is the statement "Geniuses are made, not born"?

Savant syndrome is generally born, not made. Their hard drives are wired differently than other geniuses.

“Approximately one in 10 persons with autistic disorder has some savant skills. In the case of intellectual and/or developmental disabilities, as well as brain injuries, savant skills occur at a rate of less than 1%.” 

-- SSM Health

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com