Mondays Bite (Updated from 8/20/2014)

 

“Monday is the yardstick against which all that is unpleasant is measured.”

-- Lou Brutus

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Preface:  A dear friend of mine sent me the following two emails a while back.  I included the second one as evidence that, at this particular time in space, her hit parade just seemed to keep on giving, or taking, depending on your view (half empty or half full).  She gave me permission to use them in this post and I appreciated her confidence that I wouldn't muck up the effort.  Truth is, I let her read and approve it prior to publishing anything, just to be sure everything was copasetic.  I always get approval.  Her confidence in me was greater than my own, however, and it still is.  I am still, humbly, my own worst critic.  Here are the emails:

Email 1:

Hi Tony, 

Some Mondays suck ass. Today was one. My car overheated this past weekend. Apparently, when it last had service a month ago, they failed to refill the coolant. Left the reservoir empty, on its side, not even where it belonged. Burnt my thermostat instead of my engine. I am thankful, I still have transportation to get to work. Brilliant. I made sure they knew I work for lawyers. They picked it up on a tow truck this morning. Bringing me a rental at 7:45 tomorrow morning.

Will it ever get easy Tony? Some people seem to live happy on easy street. I can't find directions there and it is frustrating. I know life is a beautiful struggle, but I am simply tired of struggling. I am not wanting life handed to me on a silver platter, I'm not stupid, just tired of the struggle. I do not discount my blessings, I am thankful that I have a job, a roof, my health. Its the rest I struggle with. Every day I smile, find nice things to say to others, offer to help, and there is no one who refills my bucket. Why Tony??

Email 2:

Hi Tony, 

Bob had a very tough reentry into his "life" yesterday. He is ready to retire to Quebec. Instead, he has union negotiations today. I am not ready for him to retire to Canada, only because of my own selfishness, I don't want him to leave. Talk about a struggle, I finally meet a man who isn't scared, and my luck, he will leave the country. Ha!!!

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My friends's question is my favorite: "Why, Tony?"  

Okay, first of all, I brought this on myself, as I always tell people to ask the only important question... "Why?"  Quite a few people have thrown this back at me like a hot topic they really don't want to handle, and no one really does.  The answer usually comes back as a self-accusation of themselves denying ownership of their issues.  Having been through this myself, I understand the "why" of it.  So, let me see if I can work through this... again.

“Your Monday morning thoughts set the tone for your whole week. See yourself getting stronger, and living a fulfilling, happier & healthier life.”

-- Germany Kent

Some Mondays suck?  Hell, pick any day of the week and it will have the opportunity to absolutely excel in the "suck" arena.  There will always be days that suck.  It is part of life; yin and yang, good and bad, light and dark, sweet and sour, and so on.  For everything, there is an opposite; balance in the universe.  Some days are terrific and some days just, well, "suck ass."

On the positive side, speaking as a man, what we see as problems can be a lot worse. All of this crap with her car could have been a hell of a lot worse.  As it is, the repair folks seem to admit their shortcoming and are making it right.  This should not cost anything to have the problem corrected.  I emphasize this lack of any fee, as she, at the time, worked for lawyers:  It should not cost anything for them to make their mistake right.  Is it an inconvenience?  Of course, it is.  But, you can't be upset about that over which you have no control - the inconvenience.  Smile over the fact that it could have been much worse... and wasn't.  Everything she is thankful for, concerning this "hiccup," is spot on.

“Monday is a new experience waiting to be enjoyed.”

-- Anthony T. Hincks

Will it ever get easy?  This is the answer (e.g., my opinion) no one wants to listen to.  People don't want to listen to it because, well, difficult wasn't really difficult enough.  And that is my answer:  It was never difficult!  We tend to move off of the "easy street" through our own choices, ignorance, or denial. 

This is the reason I tell people to not dwell on the what, or how, of something until they can understand the "why" of it.  What caused you to make a particular choice is not near as important as why, in God's good name, you made the choice.  I can dwell forever on what caused me to do something stupid, or I can understand why I'm a dumbass and move on with a promise to try and not be a dumbass again.  Once I understand and take ownership that I am, in fact, a dumbass, I can start to work on making smarter choices by not letting the cause of what happened, me, rule my decision-making processes.  Solve the why of things and everything else in life should fall into place.  In the greater scheme of things, you will be the reason most things go south.  You will try to deny it, but you are usually the issue.

“Monday. Given that it means 'day of the moon,' you'd think there'd be more butts involved.”

-- Wataru Watari

So, are there directions to "easy street?"  That depends on the individual and how much they're willing to open their mind to what they don't want to admit or understand.  I seem to always be using the old adage, "You simply can't see the forest for the trees."  Once you open your mind to being honest with yourself, the answer is right in front of you.  Once you get into the habit of defaulting to yourself as being the "why" of an issue, your quantum leap to answers will become, as it should be, a quantum step.

If you're tired of struggling, then life is not a "beautiful struggle."  It has become tiresome and ugly.  Why?  We see the obvious answer pour forth, above, as my friend has already worked this out in her own mind and now puts it out there in order to own it:  "...only because of my own selfishness..."  How does she know this?  She isn't ready for him to retire.  She doesn't want him to leave.  And, yet, (here comes the kick in the teeth) it is his life, and he has not included her in it.

"I want to make coming home your favorite part of the day. I want to leave tiny little words lingering in your mind, on nights when you’re far away and can’t sleep. I want to make everything around us beautiful; make small things mean a little more. Make you feel a little more. A little better, a little lighter. The coffee is warm, this cup is yours. I want to be someone you can’t live without."

-- Charlotte Eriksson

My friend mentions her "luck."  Luck?  I'm not sure what luck has to do with happiness.  If you don't have what you want or need at the moment you make a fool's bet to hope, will you have what you want or need in the next moment?  It's what they call, "betting on the come."  betting on what might happen, instead of dealing with why it is what it is.  Happiness is all around us and has little to do with luck.  Many of us deny happiness because it doesn't take the form we want it to.  This might be why many of us don't feel happy.  Maybe our expectations, our definition of happiness, needs to be adjusted.  Maybe we're either expecting too much or just trying too damned hard to grasp something we already own.

My friend says, truthfully, "Every day I smile, find nice things to say to others, offer to help, and there is no one who refills my bucket."  I think I know this beautiful soul enough to confirm this is exactly who she is.  No one can give, and give, and give, without feeling the stress of it sooner or later.  We don't give of ourselves with the expectation of some future recompense, as we would view that recompense as being selfish.  We do it because it is who we are, and we can suffer emotional "burnout" because of it.  If we know happiness and humbly accept the gratitude of those we help, our buckets always refill.  The more good people we have in our lives help speed the process up, but our bucket will refill if we accept their "help."  

Sometimes, we need to recognize that, perhaps, we have been giving too much of ourselves and emptying our bucket faster than it can refill.  We risk giving away more of ourselves than we can afford.  We risk going into emotional debt.  We risk losing control, and this can be a deadly consequence if we aren't honest enough with ourselves, and others, to admit it.  Well, this really isn't rocket science.  SLOW DOWN!  Take more time for yourself and more time for a refill.  Teach those in need to help themselves, so you can have more time to help you.  I know this to be a fact.  I've been there, and done all of this.

As for those others we wish were in our lives to help?  Sometimes they can be less help than a hindrance.  But, having that smile, nice things to say, and your giving personality can only be added to your aura of happiness.  Happiness is very attractive to men and women.

I have a saying I give out ad nauseam, "Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances."  

But, I find myself back to the original question of why no one is around to refill your bucket.  It's because no one has to be. It is your bucket, and you need to own it.  Take a breath every now and then.  Find the true happiness which is right in front of you, and stop worrying about "someone" not being there.  Stop "betting on a come" and get out there amongst them English.  Let yourself be seen for the bright, intelligent, happy, and caring person, you truly are.  Be the beacon of light in the societal sea of mediocrity.

"Why, Tony?"  It seems to me a bit self-serving, a humble "philosopher" trying to answer this "question of the ages."  I am not all that, but I will give her, my friend, my best shot, as I address my answer to everybody.  

Keep asking the right kind of men out on dates, or wait for the right kind of man, or woman, to ask you.  From what I've seen, the bait you're using is fine.  Accept that life is what it is, and be ready to excel; to set the hook.  Be right in not discounting your blessings, as you have everything you need well in hand.  Are you alone?  Let's assume so.  A lot of people would agree with her analysis, above, and, probably, these are folks who actually enjoy their own "significant others" and are not struggling with her issues. 

There are so many fish still swimming in this societal "sea" also looking for that special someone.  If you're getting no bites, you're either using the wrong bait or fishing in the wrong spot. You might consider some changes.  Maybe my friend should be moving to a different fishing spot, like Canada.  Just saying.

“Success is to wake up each morning and consciously decide that today will be the best day of your life.”

-- Ken Poirot

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

 Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com