Questioning Relationships and Ethics

“The word "good" has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.”

-- G. K. Chesterton

What is the meaning of the phrase "over the long term you're more likely to fool yourself, than others"?

This phrase is rich. People believe the media, so fooling people is really not a stretch for anyone who actually thinks for themselves. This being said, I’d find it hard to believe I could possibly be more likely to fool myself more than these other people.

What kind of person comes to mind when you think of someone with a credit score of over 800?

Me.

What is it called when I base my decisions off of several other people’s perspectives to see different viewpoints?

Smart.

Have you ever had a bad gut feeling about someone you liked? How did you handle it? My friend told me he had been seeing someone (haven’t met her) but when he told me about her and from what I’ve seen of their interactions online something feels off.

Hold onto that. Our first impression is usually the right one, but if you haven’t met her, it might just be the way she types. This is the downside of losing face-to-face communication.

“The only person you have to blame is yourself when you could have made a different choice but instead you went against your gut feeling. ”

-- Germany Kent

I'm 17 and get bullied and humiliated by girls for being short (5'3) and frail, which really damages my self-esteem. How do I deal with this?

It says more about them than you. At 17 you’re almost rid of these morons. Ignore them and hang with better people.

Why is it so hard not to feel emotionally attached to a guy I chat with online? How can I verify that he is a real person with real intentions to be in a relationship or friendship? What could I do to strengthen it? We haven't seen face to face yet.

You’re answering your own question. Meet him face-to-face. Then, take it slow and learn to know him.

How is it possible to simultaneously be “doing the best you can” while you can “also always do better”?

It isn’t possible. However, the statement is a bit bent. We are never doing the best we can. We have chosen a line we will not cross, yet we can always do better. Just making the statement, “I can always do better,” is proof of doing better. What we need to do is lose the statement, “I’m doing the best I can.” It is a declaration of your will to go no farther. We need to start saying, “I will try harder.” This is how we succeed in the face of failure. If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try, again!

“Your choices and efforts, be they small or grand, mold and define who you are. Poor choices and minimal effort will result in the poorest version of you. Mediocre choices combined with doing just-enough-to-get-by will create a mediocre you. To be the best version of yourself, to reach your greater potential, make the very best choices possible. Put forth your highest efforts in everything. Be intentionally productive with the time you have. Work to do your best!”

-- Richelle E. Goodrich

What do you consider to be weaknesses in your own ability to be creative?

I have always been creative. I, pretty much, failed art class in high school. I taught myself art and went on to sell some of my paintings in Europe. My weakness is just being happy and satisfied with what I do. I have no desire to better my artistic ability, I mean, really, I sold in Europe. This is more than the art teacher who failed me did. I’m also too busy taking care of two households and my mother to get involved in art at this time. I have a closet full of new canvases, paint, and brushes just waiting for me to get the itch, though.

What is a year that should not be joked about?

1941 or 2001; Pearl Harbor and 9/11.

How do you stop crushing on someone who doesn't like you back?

Unrequited love.  Why are you wasting your time on it? If they don’t like you back, get the clue and move on. Try liking people who actually like you. Strive to be happy always, but do it with people who love you.

“...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before.”

-- Elle Newmark

Is it still a lie when a person telling lies is not aware they are lying?

No, that’s ignorance of the truth

How do you interact with your audience without looking too serious or unprofessional?

Relax. If they're your audience, you’re in charge. You’re talking to colleagues about stuff of interest. Be cordial, stay focused, open with humor, give them your information, and keep it short, concise, and understandable. Make sure you have your opening, the information, and a conclusion. Ask if they have questions, and listen to their feedback. Keep in mind there are no stupid questions that don’t reflect on you not covering the information well enough. Good or bad, you have to own your presentation.

Unless it’s a serious issue, why would you look too serious? And, as far as professionalism goes, wear a suit, get a haircut, and shave. Not looking too serious doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take you seriously. Oh, and practice, practice, practice. 

Is Barack Obama’s memoir "A Promised Land" a must-read?

I’m a voracious reader, and I have no desire to read it. So, no, not a "must-read" for me.

“A memoir is how one remembers one’s own life, while an autobiography is history, requiring research, dates, facts double-checked.”

-- Gore Vidal

Is it easier to identify the use of a defense mechanism in yourself or in other people?

Definitely in me. I have to constantly be on guard against the League of the Perpetually Offended, and try not to judge ignorance too harshly.

I have a problem. I'm the type of person who "action first. Think last". But I realized it got me more trouble and I want to change for the better. What should I do?

Think before you act. You need to learn to take a moment to consider what you’re about to do. “Aren’t you going to say something?” “I’m thinking about it.” This is never a bad response. “Aren’t you going to do something?” “I’m weighing the pros of possible action against the cons of getting my ass kicked.” Also, not a bad response. Take a moment to breathe and think before you open your flapping pie hole or take some other action doomed to failure.

How can one avoid a power struggle?

Assign a leader. If there is a struggle from someone below the leader, the dissenter has to go for the good of the whole. This policy should be made clear from the start. If you don’t like the choice for a leader, do better and be ready to be a leader yourself at some point. Working with a leader, and not against them, will facilitate this process. If you have an issue with a decision, a discussion is always a better road. I good leader will listen to any serious issues you might have. But, in the end, the leader makes the final decision.  Your job is to make it happen.

“Trying to win a power struggle is like trying to win a nuclear war. You may achieve your goal, but not without catastrophic casualties on both sides.”

-- Jamie Raser

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.